After posting last night that I don't usually cry... I came really close, after all. I teared up a little tonight. I can't even blame Ty. He was emotional even before the performance tonight, but I had no idea that he was crying during the performance. (That takes skills to continue conducting with tears in your eyes...) I watched his hand pretty carefully, but I guess I wasn't too focused on his face. Something about the music just really hit home tonight.
I don't know how to describe it. I don't know what changed. Last night was fantastic, too. Maybe it helped that I went to the temple this afternoon, before our performance. I don't know. But something about the music spoke to my heart and my soul in a way that it hasn't before.
I can't help thinking that part of it is the physical conditions. I know it may sound funny, but nobody has an easy time standing in one place for that long. I was initially worried that the second night of it would be harder. I certainly offered my own prayers not just for help in singing and carrying the message, but that I'd have the strength and energy necessary to stand through the entire performance again. It's amazing what faith and the help of the Spirit can do. :) I don't think it was easier than last night, but I made it, and I actually feel a lot less stiff than last night.
So how does it all relate? It comes back to the message being carried by the Spirit, first to the hearts of the choir and through us to our audience. It comes back to the atonement and the power to change hearts. I think perhaps there was a small, almost imperceptible change in me today. And yet not just in me. In the unity of the choir. In the love and gratitude we were each expressing--choir, soloists, orchestra, narrators, director--for our Savior and for His atonement. However small that was, whatever changed, I felt it tonight.
I need to bear testimony again. I know that Jesus Christ lives. I know He is the Son of God. I know His atonement has made it possible for me to return to Him. I know I can be strengthened and blessed each day. As Paul told the Philippians: "I can do all things in Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13) I have faith that Christ's atonement can and does strengthen and heal us, both physically and spiritually. I don't pretend to understand. I don't believe my mortal mind ever will. I'm still not really sure I know what was different tonight. But something was, and I feel so grateful for the opportunity to have strengthened my own testimony while sharing my testimony of Jesus Christ with others.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Friday, June 1, 2012
Lamb of God
While I should probably be going to bed, I have thoughts going through my head that I'd like to share. Tonight was our first performance of Rob Gardner's "Lamb of God." It was not perfect, but it went well. Most importantly the Spirit was there to bear witness of the atonement, the crucifixion, and the resurrection. As powerful as the music is, the Holy Ghost is responsible for carrying the message and our testimonies to the audience.
It has been a pleasure to be a part of preparing for and now of performing this oratorio. As I've told Ty (our director) several times during the last few months, I need music in my life. I believe it is because good music speaks to my soul. And while I love the opportunity to sit back and listen, there's a certain joy and excitement that comes from participating. (Along with that, there's a certain surprise that comes from waking up to a song in my head, not because I fall asleep with an iPod--I don't--but because I've been listening to it so much that apparently it's also in my dreams.)
The musical portrayal of the last week of Jesus Christ's life through His resurrection has helped me to ponder on His great sacrifice. Someone asked me tonight how I could sing that without crying. Those who know me well will know that I do not often cry. It does not mean that I am not touched. The music did speak to my soul and stirred varying emotions. Much of it is sobering, as I ponder the atonement and crucifixion, the anguish Peter must have felt after denying that he knew Christ. Other songs portray a magnificence and grandeur that can only be associated with Jesus Christ, the Messiah, the Savior of the world... the Lamb of God. I can only imagine the joy Mary Magdalene felt when she learned that her Savior had indeed risen from the dead! I hope I can offer the same love and worship that the disciples did when they saw the risen Lord.
The message of hope is strung through the entire oratorio. Even in the sadness felt at Christ's death, I could feel the hope. This is the gospel: that Christ is risen from the dead! But is His resurrection not more significant because of the sacrifice He made on my behalf? Because He willingly laid down His life and rose again from the dead, I too will rise again. Because He suffered in Gethsemane, I can be forgiven of my sins. Because my Savior broke the bands of death, I have hope in a glorious resurrection morning: a morning when I will be reunited with so many loved ones who have gone before. A morning when there will be no darkness, no pain and suffering, no sorrow. A morning of such beauty that my mortal mind cannot comprehend it. Here is hope: that Christ suffered for my sins, died on the cross, and rose again the third day.
This is the gospel of Jesus Christ! This is the message His disciples seek to share with the world. This is hope and love. Why do I need tears when the gospel message is one of such amazing peace and joy? I truly am grateful for the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ. I know He lives. I know He is my Savior, the promised Messiah. Above all else, I know He lives! I can't say it enough, because it is the foundation of my faith. I feel His love. I believe we were all able to share that testimony through the music and narration tonight (and will again tomorrow), and I'm grateful to have had this opportunity.
[As a brief note, I may add more tomorrow or Sunday after our last performance. I just needed to take a few minutes now to share thoughts and testimony.]
It has been a pleasure to be a part of preparing for and now of performing this oratorio. As I've told Ty (our director) several times during the last few months, I need music in my life. I believe it is because good music speaks to my soul. And while I love the opportunity to sit back and listen, there's a certain joy and excitement that comes from participating. (Along with that, there's a certain surprise that comes from waking up to a song in my head, not because I fall asleep with an iPod--I don't--but because I've been listening to it so much that apparently it's also in my dreams.)
The musical portrayal of the last week of Jesus Christ's life through His resurrection has helped me to ponder on His great sacrifice. Someone asked me tonight how I could sing that without crying. Those who know me well will know that I do not often cry. It does not mean that I am not touched. The music did speak to my soul and stirred varying emotions. Much of it is sobering, as I ponder the atonement and crucifixion, the anguish Peter must have felt after denying that he knew Christ. Other songs portray a magnificence and grandeur that can only be associated with Jesus Christ, the Messiah, the Savior of the world... the Lamb of God. I can only imagine the joy Mary Magdalene felt when she learned that her Savior had indeed risen from the dead! I hope I can offer the same love and worship that the disciples did when they saw the risen Lord.
The message of hope is strung through the entire oratorio. Even in the sadness felt at Christ's death, I could feel the hope. This is the gospel: that Christ is risen from the dead! But is His resurrection not more significant because of the sacrifice He made on my behalf? Because He willingly laid down His life and rose again from the dead, I too will rise again. Because He suffered in Gethsemane, I can be forgiven of my sins. Because my Savior broke the bands of death, I have hope in a glorious resurrection morning: a morning when I will be reunited with so many loved ones who have gone before. A morning when there will be no darkness, no pain and suffering, no sorrow. A morning of such beauty that my mortal mind cannot comprehend it. Here is hope: that Christ suffered for my sins, died on the cross, and rose again the third day.
This is the gospel of Jesus Christ! This is the message His disciples seek to share with the world. This is hope and love. Why do I need tears when the gospel message is one of such amazing peace and joy? I truly am grateful for the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ. I know He lives. I know He is my Savior, the promised Messiah. Above all else, I know He lives! I can't say it enough, because it is the foundation of my faith. I feel His love. I believe we were all able to share that testimony through the music and narration tonight (and will again tomorrow), and I'm grateful to have had this opportunity.
[As a brief note, I may add more tomorrow or Sunday after our last performance. I just needed to take a few minutes now to share thoughts and testimony.]
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