I have sometimes heard it suggested that parents should not "force" their beliefs on their children, but rather let the children decide for themselves what they will do and believe. This may come most often from those who are not parents, but some who are parents take this route and interpret it to mean that they should not teach their children their religion. The first time I remember hearing this concept in a direct way (rather than just observing it), I was shocked. (I won't say which religion was mentioned specifically then, because I don't want to point fingers, because they represented what I'm certain is a minority, and because I believe this attitude extends across religions.) Judeo-Christian beliefs should hold to the proverb "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Old Testament, Proverbs 22:6). However, this group of which the article spoke seemed to believe children would turn out "just fine" without this training.
The biggest problem I see with this attitude relates to moral agency. Some might suggest that children are given greater agency when left to decide for themselves. It's not true! "Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself. Wherefore, man could not act for himself save it should be that he was enticed by the one or the other" (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:16). We must be enticed by the one or the other. In order for this to be the case, we must have some understanding of both things--both good and evil. That is, we must know the difference between good and evil. If we don't know, are we really choosing? Do we even have the ability to choose?
Throughout the last several days, another scripture has kept coming to mind: "And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents" (Doctrine & Covenants 68:25). That is powerful! Not only are parents who do not teach their children the gospel limiting their children's agency, they are jeopardizing their own salvation. That is quite the paradox, as well--in an effort to allow their children to choose, they actually limit their children's agency as well as their own (since any person's agency is limited by the sins of which they have not repented).
I am grateful to my parents for teaching me the gospel of Jesus Christ and giving me the freedom to make decisions. As my knowledge and understanding increased, and as I demonstrated to them that they could trust me in that knowledge and understanding, there were decisions that I was allowed to make on my own--some small, some larger. I think they always expressed in some way what they thought or felt, but the decision was mine to make.
Even when it came to baptism, I was not forced to be baptized! However, I was taught "to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old," and as my eighth birthday approached, I was excited to be baptized. Perhaps I didn't fully understand at that time. In fact, I'm certain I didn't. But I had been taught to love the gospel, and I knew that my Heavenly Father loved me and that it was what He wanted me to do.
I was allowed to make my own decisions in such cases as a fifth grade field trip that my mom wasn't overly excited about, skipping a grade in school, and many other (often smaller) things. I was always encouraged to pray, but unless they knew something would be harmful to me, many decisions were mine to make, even if I was still very young.
Another argument would be for individuality. Some might say that teaching your children your beliefs, "forcing" them to believe, does not allow them to develop as their own individuals. Again, they have it backwards! Children will follow something--they have a natural inclination and even a need to follow something. If they do not learn that something at home, where will they learn it? Whom or what will they follow? We establish individual identity not by breaking away from the traditions of our parents, but by holding fast to our Heavenly Father's plan and understanding that we are His children. Above all, I am a child of God, and nothing is more important in defining my identity or individuality. It is because I was raised in the gospel of Jesus Christ that I know who I am and what I can become.
Because I was taught the gospel, I feel that I have far greater freedom and independence than I would otherwise have. I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father, and as such, I have a divine potential. Without that knowledge, my choices would be severely limited. But I do know. And because I know, and because I continue to study and learn and rely on the Spirit, my choices expand as my ability to discern between good and evil increases.
Those who have the restored gospel of Jesus Christ would do well to remember Lehi's words to his son Jacob: "Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth, that they may know that there is no flesh that can dwell in the presence of God, save it be through the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah, who layeth down his life according to the flesh, and taketh it again by the power of the Spirit, that he may bring to pass the resurrection of the dead, being the first that should rise" (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:8). We have a responsibility to teach the gospel, especially to our own families, not because we want to take away their agency, but because a person cannot choose without knowing all of the options.
We do not limit our children by teaching them to believe in Christ and in His gospel. Rather, we expand their horizons and open so many more opportunities to them, both now and in the eternities. Neglecting to teach them limits them. Teaching them opens the world to them and opens their minds and hearts to receive truth wherever it is to be found. Which do you want for your children?
