Disciple of Jesus Christ - American - Friend - Neighbor

I have so many thoughts right now. Thoughts stemming from accusations appearing all over Facebook. Accusations that many Americans are Nazis. Assumptions that anyone who voted a certain way must support everything that is happening since. Finger pointing. Anger.

Here's the thing. This attitude is un-American. It's un-Christian. And it's unhelpful. More than ever, we need to strengthen relationships with our families, friends, and neighbors. I initially thought of responses to this overall attitude that would point out the irony of it. Responses that were almost retaliatory. But it's not worth it.

It's not worth it, because I'm not really angry. I'm sad. I'm sad to see the way Americans are treating each other. I'm sad to see the way people who claim to be Christian are talking about each other. I'm sad to see relationships torn apart.

The longer time goes on, the less I identify with any political party. Neither one has all the answers. Perhaps they don't have any of the answers. But I don't want politics to be part of my identity. I didn't feel that we had any good choices in the most recent presidential election. But how I voted, or if I voted, or what the outcome was isn't the purpose of my blog post. Don't misunderstand. It doesn't mean I won't be involved in politics and make my voice heard in what is right. That is not what I am saying. But I don't identify with any party or candidate. I can't.

President Nelson has told us which labels we should embrace, how we should identify. I want to embrace all three:

1. Child of God

2. Child of the Covenant

3. Disciple of Christ

If I embrace the identity of a child of God, then I must also embrace the fact that all others on earth are children of God. Our Heavenly Father loves each of His children. He wants us to do the same and to respect one another's agency. Our opinions are going to differ. Nevertheless, each person is deserving of respect and love, especially if they are among those you have ever called "friend."

If I embrace the identity of a child of the covenant, then I must embrace my covenants. This includes standing as a witness of God at all times, and in all things, and in all places. Yes, even on social media. Perhaps especially on social media. I can't hide behind a screen and say things I wouldn't dare say to a person's face. And I can't make accusations against people whose hearts I don't know. God knows their hearts. He knows their pains and their sorrows, as well as their joys. He knows. And I will trust that He knows.

If I embrace the identity of a disciple of Jesus Christ, then I will strive to embody Christlike virtues. I will turn inward to my own shortcomings and seek to repent and to rely on the grace and mercy of God. I will extend that mercy to those around me and to myself. I will be a good friend and neighbor, regardless of differences. Race, gender, religion, disability, politics, etc.--none of that should affect the way we treat each other. Disciples of Christ show love. They seek to understand one another, even if they don't agree with each other. Disciples of Christ love their family, friends, and neighbors and treat them with respect and dignity, regardless of political differences.

Do I have concerns about the current political environment? Absolutely. Do I believe we need to stand up for what is right, including contacting our elected officials to make our voices heard? Most definitely. Do I believe any of the concerns or fears stemming from the current political environment should affect the way I treat my family? My friends? My neighbors? No, never.

We can fight for what is right, but as we do so, we should be reaching out in love to those around us. There will not be world peace until Jesus Christ returns to the earth. But there can be peace in my heart and in my home and community. This peace comes from choosing to follow Jesus Christ, which includes loving your neighbor. "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid" (John 14:27).

Looking Forward With Faith

I was asked to speak today on faith as an attribute of Jesus Christ, as presented in Preach My Gospel. As I have pondered and prepared, I keep coming back to the definition given in Alma 32:21 and in Hebrews 11:1, and how these apply throughout the Book of Mormon and to us today.

From Alma: “And now as I said concerning faith—faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true.” And from Paul to the Hebrews: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

The first principle of the gospel is specifically faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ. In other words, we hope in Him, though we have not seen Him. A simple Primary song reminds us:

“We do not see the wind;
We only hear it sigh.
It makes the grasses bend
Whenever it goes by.

“We do not see God’s love,
But in our hearts we know
He watches over us
Wherever we may go.

“We do not have to see
To know the wind is here;
We do not have to see
To know God’s love is near.”

In the chapters already mentioned, Paul describes what many of the patriarchs of the Old Testament did by faith, while Alma describes treating faith like a seed that we plant and nurture. I would encourage everyone to reread these chapters to be reminded of faith. But my thoughts this week have been continually directed to looking forward with faith.

Nephi said, “And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.” (2 Nephi 25:26) Hundreds of years before Christ was born, the Nephites were focused on His coming and rejoiced in knowing He would come.

Abinadi taught, “And now if Christ had not come into the world, speaking of things to come as though they had already come, there could have been no redemption.” (Mosiah 16:6) His faith was so strong that it did not matter that Christ had not yet been born; he knew the atonement had been promised, and that he would be redeemed.

At the time of Christ’s birth, the believers “…did watch steadfastly for that day and that night and that day which should be as one day as if there were no night, that they might know that their faith had not been vain.” (3 Nephi 1:8) They knew the unbelievers had threatened them with death, but they held fast to their faith and hope in Jesus Christ and His coming. That very night the sign of Christ’s birth, the sign they were waiting and watching for was given.

Moroni describes the wars among the Lamanites after the Nephite civilization had ended: “because of their hatred they put to death every Nephite that will not deny the Christ. And I, Moroni, will not deny the Christ; wherefore, I wander whithersoever I can for the safety of mine own life.” (Moroni 1:2-3)

In some of these cases, a prophet saw a vision following his expression of faith. In many others, the ordinary people heard the words of a prophet, had faith, and nurtured that faith.

We, too, are in a time where we can look forward with faith—in our case to the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. We can nurture our faith in him and in His teachings and trust that He will return to the earth in His glory.

President Nelson has given many teachings of hope and of building faith, as well: “But, my dear brothers and sisters, so many wonderful things are ahead. In coming days, we will see the greatest manifestations of the Savior’s power that the world has ever seen. Between now and the time He returns ‘with power and great glory,’ He will bestow countless privileges, blessings, and miracles upon the faithful.” Are we watching for those manifestations of His power ? We don’t necessarily know what all those privileges, blessings, and miracles may be, but he also has taught us to “seek and expect miracles.” This was part of five steps he gave: “Get on the covenant path and stay there. Experience the joy of repenting daily. Learn about God and how He works. Seek and expect miracles. Strive to end conflict in your life.” As we follow these steps, we will be better equipped to recognize the miracles that come through our faith. We will recognize the manifestations of the Savior’s power.

One miracle I have seen this month was with a cousin. My parents let me know that my aunt had requested prayers for a cousin who had a growth apparently attached to an ovary. The day she went in for surgery, I texted my aunt to let her know the whole family had been on my mind that day and that I had been praying for this cousin. She texted me back, letting me know that the surgery went well, and that they found the growth was attached to the ovary but nothing else. A few days later, she let me know that the biopsy showed it was benign. As a sense of relief washed over me, I offered a prayer of gratitude for the answer to many humble prayers of faith.

Additional blessings are promised as we learn to “hear Him”—to hear the messages our Savior shares with us: “What will happen as you more intentionally hear, hearken, and heed what the Savior has said and what He is saying now through His prophets? I promise that you will be blessed with additional power to deal with temptation, struggles, and weakness. I promise miracles in your marriage, family relationships, and daily work. And I promise that your capacity to feel joy will increase even if turbulence increases in your life.” Do we trust these prophetic promises? Do we believe that they are promised by Jesus Christ through His prophet? As we intentionally increase our faith and follow Jesus Christ, we can find more joy even if turbulence increases!

Finally, “Whatever questions or problems you have, the answer is always found in the life and teachings of Jesus Christ. Learn more about His Atonement, His love, His mercy, His doctrine, and His restored gospel of healing and progression. Turn to Him! Follow Him!” Last fall, our family was able to be in Beaver during the annular eclipse. That was the first time that I had experienced the temperature change associated with an eclipse. Both light and warmth were significantly decreased. I thought of how symbolic that was. Jesus Christ is the way. He is our Redeemer and has prepared the way back to our Heavenly Father. How often do we eclipse His light and love in our own lives by allowing other things to take priority? When we need healing, help, repentance, joy, “the answer is always found in the life and teachings of Jesus Christ.”

I close with more from Alma: “And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.”

Each step of the way in nurturing our faith, we can feel the love of our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. We can eventually partake of the fruit of the tree of life. I know that Jesus Christ has prepared the way back to our Heavenly Father. I am thankful for the strength and reassurance I can receive each day as I turn to Him and trust in Him. I love Him. I know He loves me, and that He loves each of you. I look forward in faith to His return to the earth, when every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that He is our Redeemer. Until that day, we can each strive to come to know Him now. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Have you received His image in your countenance?

I have so many thoughts right now... so many things running through my mind. Among them is a sense of frustration at the number of people who want to cast blame on all whites for the existence of racism. My heart hurts right now. It hurts for what happened to George Floyd. It hurts for the many other cases I may never have heard of. And it hurts for this country and for the rioting that is destroying property and threatening additional lives.

As I've thought about this, and as I glanced at this week's Come, Follow Me reading, I realized how timely these scriptures are once again to what is happening. One of the big problems right now is that everyone is casting blame. I can't even say I'm sad or frustrated with events without being labeled a racist and part of the problem. So I as I looked at the Primary manual, found the coloring page for today's FHE lesson, and thought about the scripture, I realized just how relevant and timely this lesson is.





"And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts? Do ye exercise faith in the redemption of him who created you? Do you look forward with an eye of faith, and view this mortal body raised in immortality, and this corruption raised in incorruption, to stand before God to be judged according to the deeds which have been done in the mortal body? I say unto you, can you imagine to yourselves that ye hear the voice of the Lord, saying unto you, in that day: Come unto me ye blessed, for behold, your works have been the works of righteousness upon the face of the earth?" (Book of Mormon, Alma 5:14-16)

I explained to George and Liam that in chapter 5 of Alma, Alma asks the people a lot of questions that were intended to help them (and us!) become better people. We focused on the question "Have ye received His [Jesus Christ's] image in your countenances?" I explained that "image" is like "picture" and that "countenance" means face. So Alma was asking the people, in essence, "When someone looks at you, can they see Jesus? Or can they see your happiness and want to know Jesus because of you?"

Instead of pointing fingers, we all (and I include myself) need to make time for self-reflection. How do I answer these questions at this time? How do you answer them? (I don't expect you to tell me, anymore than I will answer those for you here; these are very personal, and my answers are between me and my Savior, Whose image I hope I receive in my countenance.) One thing I know: I want to hear the voice of the Lord saying, "Come unto me ye blessed...."

So, when I'm accused of racism simply because I don't understand what others have suffered... I can't help but think that, while I don't fully understand, there is One Who does.

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me." (Book of Mormon, Alma 7:11-13)

Jesus Christ has literally suffered all things in order to redeem us. He knows our every pain and sickness and trial. When it seems that no one else understands, He does. He knows. And though we may not receive just recompense in this life, we will receive it. His mercy and love are extended to all. The degree to which we receive them depends on our acceptance.

I could even add that I have experienced (and still experience) significant prejudice. Not from most people, no, but there are many ignorant people out there. Does it compare to the racism many blacks in our country deal with? Probably not. But I'll add further that when I am in tune with the Holy Ghost, I have the ability to "mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort." (Book of Mormon, Mosiah 18:9) I have had the blessing of understanding through more than one experience that mourning with those that mourn does not mean feeling bad/sorry for them. It means actually experiencing their sorrow with them. The Holy Ghost can teach and guide me and help me to become more like Jesus Christ, including helping me to mourn with those that mourn. The heartache I feel right now is not just for me. It is for so many who are suffering, regardless of race or any other difference we may have.

This isn't about me. This is about recognizing that we are all children of God. This is about coming to love each other as Christ loves us... with a perfect love. In this moment, I know that Jesus Christ is aware of me and of my concerns and doubts and fears, of any pain and frustration I may be feeling. I know that He is also aware of the same for all of God's children throughout the world. He lives. He loves us. He is the Prince of Peace. It is only through Him that we can find peace. And I am grateful that even in a world of turmoil, I can find peace in my home and in my heart as I place my trust in my Savior. I pray that others my see His image reflected in my countenance, that I can live worthily to be able to share the light and love of the gospel and of my Savior. I love Him, and I am so grateful for His atoning sacrifice on my behalf. Through Him, I continue to find light and peace.

Liam's birth story

I haven't really blogged since starting a family. But since I told George's birth story, let's go for Liam's, as well.

It was another very uneventful pregnancy. We did adjust the "due date" early on after two early ultrasounds that showed him as measuring 6-7 days ahead of our guess on dates. There's so little size variation that early that it just made sense. So instead of guessing March 20, we were guessing March 14. (It was probably about January that we scheduled the date of the C-section for March 5.)

We didn't settle on a name for Liam until the day he was born, though we did discuss a few. Throughout the pregnancy, he was just "baby brother," though Josh was regularly referring to him as "Erik." (I don't object to the name; I just wasn't sure yet.) We got George a doll for Christmas to help him prepare a little. While it's never been his favorite toy, he does love his doll.

Liam's movements during the pregnancy were very different from George's. He was a squirmer rather than a kicker, and sometimes that resulted in nausea for me. He was also far more likely to waken me during the night. But even though I definitely dealt with more nausea and stronger gag reflex as a whole than I did with George, I still didn't really have "morning sickness." Also, he was in a transverse lie position throughout the pregnancy (I could always tell that his head was toward my right side), which made it far more comfortable for me to continue functioning, including walking and interacting with George. On the other hand, it means that delivery probably would have been by C-section regardless of who the woman was.

I didn't make it in for blood work the day before this time. The doctor suggested that there would be plenty of time the morning of, so that's what we planned on. Unfortunately, they did not call a phlebotomist to draw blood or let anesthesia place the IV. The nurse struggled, and I definitely ended up with a bruised arm this time. Ugh!!! Also, I think I did have an occasional contraction in the weeks before he was born, but I was definitely having contractions that morning as they were prepping me for surgery. He probably wouldn't have stayed put any longer.

The discussions with anesthesia were more interesting this time--or at least we were more informed. They had their notes from last time, and they could see the tiny scar where the needle had gone in. What we learned, though, is that they actually went in from the side, at an angle. (Because my spine is fused and there's a lot of calcification, they had to find just the right spot for a spinal block.) This time, I feel like they got in much more quickly, even though I'm pretty sure it took just as long for me to get numb afterward.

Overall, I felt like the surgery itself was more uncomfortable than with George. I got through, though. I was once again pleased (as was Josh) to hear a good, strong cry from my baby. From the beginning, his cry was different from George's. He has always been a very particular baby and wants things to be done his way. And while he is generally very happy, he'll definitely let you know if things aren't going his way.

As with George, it was very helpful to me to have Josh holding Liam beside me as they finished putting me back together. It gave me something else to focus on, as I spoke gently to my baby and stroked his head. Josh and I had discussed names a little more about a week or so before he was born, and I told him that I still wasn't sure on a first name. By then, I had decided that I wanted "Werner" as his middle name, but I wasn't sure whether I wanted Erik or Liam. I needed to see him first. I think we were in the recovery room before Josh said to me, "It's Liam, isn't it?" (For background, Werner is my maternal grandfather. He really loves knowing that Liam is named for him! And I didn't want to use the name "William," because I don't care much for "Will" and even less for "Bill." But my maternal grandmother's line has many William's, including her grandfather, as well as her uncle Billy, who is the one who loaned her the money to come to the U.S. Using "Liam" was to honor her, as well.) Yes, he is definitely Liam.

As they transferred me to the bed to wheel me to the recovery room, I could see Liam rooting already as Josh was holding him. Once I was settled, I was able to hold him, as they wheeled me into recovery. Once there, the nurse suggested just doing skin to skin, since babies will often latch on to nurse naturally.  A moment later she turned around and commented, "Whoa!" He was born knowing what to do and was a great nurser. Our only trouble, really, was when my milk came in and his mouth was just too small.

I made it clear this time that I didn't want any oral narcotics at all--only the ibuprofen and Tylenol, alternated. And to be honest, I feel like my recovery was significantly easier this time around. I actually was not very consistent with pain meds after coming home; after George was born, we could keep things within my reach. After Liam was born, that wasn't an option, because that would have meant George could reach them, too. But I did fine. I don't think I took Tylenol at all after leaving the hospital, and ibuprofen only when I remembered I hadn't had it in a while.

It was particularly special to be able to introduce George to his baby brother. He was more interested in all the machines in the hospital room, though. I'm very grateful to my mom and Christine for being here and staying with George during this time, and bringing him back and forth--and helping afterward. I once again spent only 3 days in the hospital. I feel like the nurses tried to make a bigger point of allowing me to rest/sleep this time, but it's still so much easier to sleep at home! I'm also super grateful to Josh for all he did and has continued to do. It's been a fun but rather eventful year. But I did feel the need to get down his birth story, finally. :)

Birth story... a year later

Sooooo... now that my baby is a year old, I thought maybe I could take a little time to write a birth story, finally. (For the first few months, I did try to make sure I wrote in my journal with some measure of consistency. Since then, many of the milestones have been marked through Facebook posts.)

I was blessed with a very uneventful pregnancy. Even though I chose to see a high-risk doctor, I was never considered high-risk. As the doctor said, "I expect this to be a very normal pregnancy, other than the fact that you will need to have a C-section." In subsequent appointments, he would tell us how "boring" the pregnancy was... which we all preferred. I never had morning sickness; the only time I really felt sick because of the pregnancy was before I knew I was pregnant and I went to church fasting. By the end, walking was more difficult, mostly because my belly was heavy and the pressure could quickly become too much, but I imagine that's not an uncommon symptom for many women. My favorite thing, by far, was just feeling him move, especially when I knew that it was in response to our voices. Even in the womb, he was very active for much of the day... including when I was walking. But he would hardly move at all at night, unless I got up--which was usually once each night.

We even made it to our scheduled date for the C-section, at 39 weeks and 3 days. I was grateful that the doctor wanted to make it that far, and I was grateful that both my body and the baby cooperated. Living at a high elevation means there can be a greater likelihood that even a full-term baby will need supplemental oxygen; that risk increases with a C-section. Josh and I were very much hoping and praying for George to have fully-developed lungs and not to need a NICU stay. (We discussed it beforehand, though. Josh told me if they had to rush George away immediately after he was born, he'd be torn about whether to follow or to stay with me. I told him he should follow and stay with the baby.)

I only ever had one real contraction, the evening before George was born. I guess maybe I was supposed to experience what a contraction felt like for me. But it was just the one, and nothing more. It was a blessing to be able to get a good sleep that night. Most of the people I know who had major struggles following a C-section also labored for many hours beforehand. When it's planned and scheduled, it's still major surgery... but not as bad.

The morning George was born, we took some time at home for last-minute preparations and to read scriptures together, since we didn't fully know what the day would bring--only that we would likely be exhausted by the time it was over. When we got to the hospital, we learned that the person who had been scheduled before me hadn't shown up. (I'd love an explanation of that. You schedule a C-section, and then you don't show? Really?) In any case, that meant that they could get me in more quickly than expected. In other words, there would be far less waiting around than we originally thought. Hooray!!! Waiting just produces more anxiety for everyone...

I had been in for blood work the previous morning to expedite things when we checked in for surgery. When I asked for a butterfly needle then, the nurse called a phlebotomist, as well. And they decided to have anesthesia, rather than the nurse, place the IV when we were prepping for surgery. Oh, the little things!!!! I must say: in dealing with everything else, it made a huge difference to have people who knew what they were doing, so I didn't end up with a very bruised arm.

We also had a consultation with anesthesia again before heading into the OR. The anesthesiologist there that day had a slightly different plan than the one we had consulted a few weeks previously. (For background, we had some concerns about getting a spinal tap or epidural, since I did know that my spinal column was too narrow for a Harrington rod when my spine was fused when I was 13. They weren't concerned about that, but the fusion was a concern; they wondered whether they would be able to get in.) The anesthesiologist that day mentioned that he had worked with a couple of other little people. He didn't like the previous idea of doing a combined spinal and epidural, because it would require going in with a needle more than once. He felt confident in a lower dose of the spinal and outlined the risks of it being either too much or too little--either way, it would involve me being put under for the delivery. Our hope was still that it would work as planned, that I could be awake, and that Josh could be in the OR. He would have to wait until they knew for sure, though.

Having them place the spinal tap was awkward, but they were able to get in. I stayed sitting for a few moments afterward, so it would drop into my legs initially. Then they had me lie down. They tested over and over again--I'm not really sure how long--to see whether I had gone numb. I know Josh was beginning to feel anxious... even without being with him, I knew he would hate the waiting game at that point. I was also beginning to feel anxious that I wouldn't go numb like I needed to, so I was glad when I finally did. They brought Josh in just after they began operating.

Even though the surgery was not scheduled until 11:30 am, George was born at 11:08 (though I didn't know the exact time until later, obviously). It was a beautiful sound to both of us (Josh and me) to hear his good, strong lungs as he entered the cold operating room. It was clear that our prayers had been answered, and he was prepared to breathe! Josh had stood up quickly when they told him to "get ready," and he quickly crossed the room as doctors and nurses did a quick exam and cleaned, diapered, and wrapped George. As soon as they let him, he took him; George's screams stopped almost instantly. (He still soothes very easily with hugs and gentle words.) I was left to wonder what exactly was happening, though; it took Josh a minute or two to realize that I probably wanted to see George, too. At that point, he came back up by my head with George, where I was able to touch him and talk to him as the doctors put me back together.

I know at one point, I shut my eyes briefly, and Josh asked whether I was okay. I just nodded. I didn't trust myself to talk at all right then. I was grateful to have him and George right there with me. Let's just say that no matter how well the spinal tap works, you still know they are working on you, and it's not terribly comfortable to feel organs being put back in place. I'm sure they weren't literally shoving things in, but it kind of felt like it. They also took a little longer than normal, because they were able to use stitches both inside and outside (no staples!!!!). I was very grateful for that later, since they didn't actually have to remove anything later.

When I was finally stitched up again, I was able to sit up a little and finally got to hold my sweet boy! I didn't want to let him go. I loved seeing Josh hold him. It also made me happy when we reached the recovery room and my mom and sister, Christine, got to meet and hold him, too. But it was so special to be able to hold my sweet son... the little one I had carried inside me for the previous 9 months!

All in all, I would say things went very smoothly with surgery and recovery, as well. I despise narcotics, but I handled the morphine that was part of the spinal, and they talked me into taking a single dose of narcotics post-surgery. After that, I said I really didn't want them; I stuck with mainly ibuprofen, though I alternated with acetaminophen for a few days. For me, the pain was well-managed just with those. I also experience very little nausea from the surgery and meds... really only once mid-surgery. By the time I was back in a room, I just wanted to eat. Of course, they only offered crackers at first, and I was little frustrated after they cleared me for real food and then the food services person came in and made me order all clear liquids for dinner. That got worked out quickly enough, though, and I was able to eat real  food.

As to the hospital stay as a whole... who actually sleeps in hospitals? Ugh! I was extremely grateful when they asked me a day earlier than expected if I wanted to go home. Ummmm... yes! Thankfully, George was also cleared to be released; he had lost more weight than they wanted him to, and we were definitely still working on getting comfortable with breastfeeding. But going home was by far the best thing for both of us. I had a lot of help from my mom in getting George to learn to nurse well, and both George and I were far more relaxed at home. And we were finally out of the clutches of the pediatrics team, who pushed so hard for us to supplement with formula, even making a note that my arms were "too short" for breastfeeding. (We did supplement a little with pumped breastmilk in the beginning, but George preferred nursing even then, for which I am very grateful.)

This past year has been a wonderful one with lots of learning for all of us. I may post more blogs later--assuming I find the time again. But I wanted to take a few minutes to get down the birth story finally. :)

RIP or Irish Jig?

Grandma Sommerfeld passed away early this morning. I'm taking some time to blog at work, it's true... but today is the day (once every two weeks) that I am allowed two hours for personal family history, so this is how I am using it.

I keep seeing "R.I.P." as siblings and cousins are posting about Grandma's passing. While her body is at rest, I don't believe that her spirit is resting. I think she has probably done a jig, like she said she would. And I'm certain she has been greeted by many family members who have gone before: her parents, her half siblings, two of her children (Ed and Kathy), a grandson (Robby), and others.

I feel truly blessed to have had Grandma in my life for so many years. I am so grateful for her strength, for her exemplary life, for her love of family and especially of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am especially grateful for time I have had with her in the past few years--most particularly the time I was able to spend interviewing her and learning more about her. I will treasure that time, and I will always be grateful for those recordings that will allow me to hear her voice again and again.

I am grateful for the woman who at 16 made the decision to join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and who left her home and country at 18 to make a new life for herself. She worked hard in those first months to repay her Uncle Billy, who had loaned her the money to come to America.

She continued to work hard throughout her life. She raised seven children. She helped Grandpa in running his business. She attended university as a non-traditional (older) student, graduating summa cum laude in Russian, with a minor in German. She then taught high school Russian for several years. With Grandpa, she served three missions. In between, and continuing after the third mission (into her 70s), she would still substitute in the schools.

I am grateful for her example of love and loyalty. Grandma and Grandpa just celebrated their 61st wedding anniversary this summer. They have loved and supported each other for many years. They have also always been loyal to the gospel. In addition to three missions, they both served many years in the temple.

We wanted to do something special for Grandma's 80th birthday, two years ago. She didn't want a big party or open house, like we had done for Grandpa. She kept telling us, "I just want to go to the zoo. I haven't been for years." That was a fun day, as the children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren who were able to go went to the zoo together to celebrate Grandma's birthday.

I'm also very grateful for the qualities I know I have inherited from Grandma. Even when I was very small, I heard often how much I was like her. I only hope that throughout my life, I can live with the same grace and poise that she always showed.

I'm grateful that she was able to be part of my wedding day. It meant so much to me to have her there in the temple. And it meant soooo much that she and Grandpa were willing to share their backyard for our reception. It was wonderful to see her happiness that day. I wish I had seen her dance with Josh; I had already gone inside to change. I know she was blessed with extra energy and strength that day, and I am so glad.

It makes me a little sad that my future children will not meet Grandma in mortality. But I hope that through my mom and through me, they will know her, too. I hope I can instill in them the values that were so important to Grandma--especially the love of the gospel of Jesus Christ and of family. I hope to share with them stories and memories that will help them know their great-grandma and want to live up to the heritage left them by her and by others who have gone before.

Dear Grandma, I am so glad to know that you are no longer suffering. Your spirit is free to dance a jig, while your body is at rest until resurrection day. I look forward to that great day, when we shall meet again, when "God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." (New Testament, Revelation 21:4) I love you, Grandma! Thank you, thank you for everything--for the person you have been and for all you have taught me.

Anxiously engaged ;)

I probably should clarify that I'm not really "anxious" -- just very excited. :) Since I know there are those who want the story, here goes.

Josh and I met probably 5 or so years ago (I've been close friends with his sister, Christel, for a while), but we didn't really have much contact after that first meeting. Neither one of us can remember exactly when that was. For the first couple of years, I saw him again at Christel's wedding and at a couple of other family gatherings after that.

People have asked whether we were set up. The answer is, no; he was interested on his own. A year ago last October, I got a text from Christel asking whether it was okay for her to give Josh my phone number. I said sure... but I didn't end up hearing from him. Around that time, though, we both started hanging out at Christel's a lot more often. Halloween of 2013, for example. That wasn't deliberately planned. Christel invited me to join them to take Hannah trick-or-treating, and Chris invited Josh. No coordination on their parts at all. But it put us in the same place at the same time--something that happened more and more over the next year or so.

Hannah's birthday is in January. So a year ago, when friends and family were gathered for her party, it came up that someone else had been to the zoo that day. I mentioned something about having a zoo pass, and Josh said he would like to go... and we made plans for the next morning. Technically that was our first official date, though it was a lonnnng time before the next one. (That is also still the only time that I've covered the entire zoo in a single day. There's something to be said for going without kids!)

Over the course of last year, we often ended up at Christel's. We discovered that "veggie parties" were a great way to introduce Hannah to some new (and healthful) foods, so we had dinner followed by a movie probably at least once a month throughout the year. Christel and I planned these for Hannah, but Josh was often invited as well. I think the only time he called me, though (other than if Christel asked him to give me a ride to her place) was to invite me to his birthday party.

In the November-December time frame, it seems the timing was finally right for both of us... the stars aligned, if you will. Josh did need a little nudge. I messaged Christel and told her I knew Josh was still interested and it was starting to drive me crazy. She suggested maybe we could double, but he had to call and ask me. That worked! That Friday night (December 5), we got dinner and went to a movie. Josh and I held hands in the movie for the first time. I think we would both agree that that date marks when we officially started dating.

Even though it was only a matter of weeks between then and Christmas, we both went to each others' extended family Christmas parties... and both of us survived meeting families. :) In fact, the first time he told me he loved me was after his family Christmas party.

I think I sensed pretty early on that Josh was definitely moving toward marriage, even if we didn't discuss it right away. The first that I was fairly certain, though, was a few weeks ago as he was driving me home. As we approached Temple Square, he started singing "I love to  see the temple." (Can I just say how much I love that he likes to sing and will just break out in song at times, especially the hymns and Primary songs! That wasn't the first time we'd sung something in the car.) By this time, we were also seeing each other 4-5 times each week, even if it wasn't always an official date.

It still was a little unexpected, though certainly not unwelcome, when Josh brought up marriage on Friday evening, February 6. Our conversation in the car was a little awkward, to be honest; I don't think either of us really had the words to express ourselves right then. He did say that he intended to propose officially on Valentine's Day. And we did then spend the rest of the evening looking at rings and picked out one we both liked.

What I did learn that night is that Josh wanted to give a Claddagh ring. It's probably not something I would have looked at otherwise, but I really loved that he had given it thought already, When we first started looking, I saw one with a green stone and liked that, so that was mostly what we looked at, But it took a while to find one where we both liked the style and where the hands were just right. The funny thing is, his grandparents were in the room the entire time and had no idea what we were doing,

Over that weekend, Josh also called and talked to both of my parents, This meant that my mom and I were both struggling with not being able to tell anyone else for a full week! That was tough, As my mom said, my Facebook statuses all week were definitely hints--if anyone had been looking. It was just so hard not to say anything!!! To compensate, I started looking at dresses instead. Turns out little girl dresses are the easiest, so I did pick out flower girl dresses for our nieces and sent the link to my mom. She went to get them right away and also found a suit for my nephew. I guess the kids are covered, anyway! There's still plenty of planning to do. But it occupied my mind at least briefly.

When Josh and I got together on Friday the 13th for dinner, I was happy to find out that he planned to come and get me early on Saturday. I think he had a hard time not telling one all week, as well.

So, Valentine's Day... Josh came at 9 am, along with his dog, Savannah. We went for a walk in Memory Grove, letting Savannah enjoy the off-leash area. For those familiar with the trail, there's a spot that looks like it is the foundation of a house--or maybe just of a wall surrounding a smaller building--with a couple of steps leading up to the enclosure. That's where Josh got down on his knees and asked, "Cathy, will you marry me?" And of course I said yes. He told me shortly thereafter that he had planned on proposing later, on top of the Conference Center, but that he couldn't wait any longer. I'm glad. I think he chose a good spot. :)

Once we'd grabbed Savannah again, we sat on a bench near the trail. Josh took a selfie of us--showing off the ring. We texted it to our parents and called his mom (and my mom called, as well). Then we also texted our siblings and a handful of other people--before I posted to Facebook.

The rest of Valentine's Day was also very nice--including a visit to the Great Salt Lake, a quick stop at the cemetery where Josh's dad is buried, dinner at Sweet Tomatoes (thanks, John and Megan, for the gift card--even if it took me six months to use it!), and watching The Princess Bride. It was a long but wonderful and very happy day.

I think that about covers it. And for those still wondering, we're planning on getting married in the middle of July--hopefully the 17th, possibly the 18th.