"This is my day, my baptism day!"

Today I got to attend my cousin, Sheldon's, baptism and play the piano for the service. It's always a special occasion to see another child of God make the decision to be baptized. Today seemed to be more special, maybe because it is the anniversary of my own baptism--22 years ago.

Sheldon was so sweet! It was neat that his sister, Ashlynn, gave the talk on baptism and that his brother, Brendan, gave the talk on confirmation and receiving the Holy Ghost. They both did a great job.

It was especially fun to see Sheldon's excitement. As soon as Ashlynn said amen at the end of her talk, he said, "OK, now it's time," and jumped up and almost ran to the font. Uncle Jon (also Sheldon's uncle) baptized him.

Grandpa Sommerfeld confirmed him and gave a wonderful blessing. Afterward, when he was told to shake hands with those in the circle and to hug his family, he made his way around the whole room hugging members of his family. No one felt impatient; even though the instruction was just intended for those who participated in confirming him, it was so sweet and wonderful to see his excitement and happiness and love as he hugged each member of his family and shook hands with the others in the room. As I still sat at the piano, I could see both smiles and tears on many faces.

Of course, we all missed having his dad there. Grandpa's blessing for Sheldon included a blessing of safety for Uncle Chris (Sheldon's dad) as he is currently deployed in Afghanistan. We are all grateful for Chris and his continued sacrifice to serve our country and preserve our freedoms; we missed him today.

As I said, today is also the anniversary of my baptism. I remember also feeling excited. But I also remember that I didn't necessarily feel any different after being baptized. One of the things that has always stood out to me was that it was special that I got a little extra time with my dad that day, since we went to the church earlier than the rest of the family. For a time I thought maybe there was something wrong with that--why was that what stood out to me most? As I reached adulthood, I also found a parallel in this feeling. My Heavenly Father entrusted me to earthly parents. As I enjoyed being close to my earthly father that day, I was taking an important step in coming closer to my Heavenly Father. The love I feel toward my earthly father and the love I know he has for me is small and imperfect compared to the love of my Heavenly Father, but He sent me to an earthly family so I could be reminded of His love.

I do remember that I sang that day, as well: "I Believe in Christ." From the first time I remember singing this beautiful hymn in a Primary singing time, it has been one of my favorites. And, of course, my choice to be baptized was an outward expression of my belief and faith in Christ, a covenant with Him that I would take His name upon me and strive to keep His commandments and always remember Him.

I am grateful for parents who taught me the gospel and prepared me for baptism and for other ordinances. I am grateful to have witnessed Sheldon's baptism today. I love this gospel. I know it is true. I know that through the restoration of the priesthood, we have access to the ordinances necessary to be able to return to our Heavenly Father. I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior, that He was baptized to set the example for all mankind, and that it is because of His atonement, death, and resurrection that we will all live again and that we can return to our Heavenly Father.

Her price is far above rubies

My baby sister is 17!!! I remember turning 17. I left home just a few weeks later to start college at BYU. That seems like a lifetime ago. So much has happened since then.

So, this post is for my sister... sorry, Christine, if it embarrasses you. I just want you to know that I'm proud of you! You're doing a lot of good. You just finished high school as a valedictorian. You've spent a lot of time volunteering in the library. And you've grown into a beautiful young woman. You're no longer the little four-year-old I had to say goodbye to when I started college, but I'm glad that you're now my friend as well as being my baby sister.

I also thought of the scripture in Proverbs, "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies" (Proverbs 31:10). You're a great example of studying and striving to live the gospel. I'm proud of you for that, too. I'm excited for you as you take a few classes and prepare for a mission over the next couple of years. I'm excited to see you continue to learn and progress in life. :)

I've also loved being able to trade book recommendations with you over the last few years. I've read some good stuff because of you. :) It's almost as good as reading it with you. I'm still glad I got to read The World of Winnie-the-Pooh and The World of Christopher Robin with you the summer you started Kindergarten. I'm glad for the little times like that, since I know I haven't been around for most of your growing-up years.

Anyway, I just want you to know that I love you, and I hope it's been a wonderful birthday! You're the best baby sister! I love you lots!

To thine own self be true

I saw a comment today, "Always be yourself," that really got me thinking. The world has it all wrong. The definition the world uses in suggesting that you "be yourself" is really suggesting that you rebel against everything that you have been taught and follow the world. It doesn't even seem to be about choosing your own path--just about breaking away from the "conventions" held by your parents.

I'm sure there are those who would be critical of the fact that I hold strongly to the things my parents have taught me. They have that right, though I disagree. You see, in thinking of how I can be myself, the first thought that came to my mind was that I am a child of God. I cannot very well be myself if I don't know who I am. But I do know. I am a child of God. As such, I have a divine heritage and destiny. I also have a responsibility to live up to that heritage.

I also keep coming back to a quote from C.S. Lewis in the Preface of The Great Divorce: "We are not living in a world where all roads are radii of a circle and where all, if followed long enough, will therefore draw gradually nearer and finally meet at the centre: rather in a world where every road, after a few miles, forks into two, and each of those into two again, and at each fork you must make a decision. Even on the biological level life is not like a river but like a tree. It does not move towards unity but away from it and the creatures grow further apart as they increase in perfection. Good, as it ripens, becomes continually more different not only from evil but from other good" (emphasis added). We become more different as we become more good, as we grow nearer to God. The differences develop because we open doors to new possibilities, to new options. Living the gospel does not make me a conformist. It makes me a unique person, part of a peculiar people. It makes me an individual. It makes me who I am and allows me to discover myself as God would have me be.

I also cannot help but think of Shakespeare's words from Hamlet (which prove that being oneself is nothing new!):

This above all: to thine ownself be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Being myself, and being true to myself, does not require that I answer to anyone but myself. To become my true self, I must also be true to God, but that is because I am His daughter, and I cannot be my true self without being true to Him.

I find it interesting, in considering this quote, that "it must follow, as the night the day...." This suggests that we know darkness will come. While a pessimist might feel that morning will never come again, he/she will likely not question that night will follow day. It establishes this as a solid and undeniable truth, that remaining true to oneself allows us to be true to God and to all men (and women).

I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ, for a guide that helps me to know who I am and who I can become. I am not "conforming" to anything in the sense that the world usually means by conforming. Rather, I am learning and becoming and progressing, with new opportunities and new lessons and new paths opening to me. By following the gospel plan, I differentiate myself from others, even from those who are also studying and following the gospel. We are not all the same, because God allows us to develop into the people He knows we can become.

I know that I am a daughter of God, with divine heritage and potential. I know that as I continue to study and learn and follow His plan for me, that I will eventually discover my true self--the self that my Heavenly Father knows I can become. He knows me, and His greatest desire is for me to return to Him. I trust in that knowledge and in the atonement of my Savior, which makes it possible for me to improve continually and to be my greatest self.

Peace be unto thy soul

I've had a lot going through my mind this afternoon and evening. Do you ever wonder why some people seem to have it easy, seem to be so blessed, while others seem to have more than their fair share of difficulties? Perhaps we question it even more when those in the first group seem to be living in their pride, doing what they want, while those in the second seem to be giving their all to do what is right. Unfortunately, we live in an imperfect world. Fortunately, we have a loving Heavenly Father who is always watching out for us and who wants us to succeed. Sometimes we can't see how, and sometimes we can't understand why He would send us such difficult tests when we are already trying so hard to be obedient.

I'm not posting this so I'll have a large number of people worrying about me--I'm fine. I posted last year about how I had learned what it means to mourn with those that mourn. Since then, including today, I have had times when I have felt this keenly again: a pain that isn't mine but that is very real, accompanied by an understanding that the Lord is slowly teaching me what it means to keep my baptismal covenants.

Other thoughts have come to my mind this evening as I have considered my friend's circumstances. Specifically, my mind went to Doctrine and Covenants 121: "O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place? How long shall thy hand be stayed, and thine eye, yea thy pure eye, behold from the eternal heavens the wrongs of thy people and of thy servants, and thine ear be penetrated with their cries? Yea, O Lord, how long shall they suffer these wrongs and unlawful oppressions, before thine heart shall be softened toward them, and thy bowels be moved with compassion toward them?" (verses 1-3). This was Joseph Smith's plea to God from Liberty Jail; he continued in verse 6: "Remember thy suffering saints, O our God; and thy servants will rejoice in thy name forever."

I can't imagine enduring what Joseph endured, including unlawful imprisonment on more than one occasion. Yet he allowed his trials to strengthen his faith in Jesus Christ and in His power to save. His plea is not a complaint, only a plea. He was suffering, but he expressed his faith and even his willingness to rejoice in the name of God.

And Joseph received an answer: "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes" (verses 7-8). Joseph was not promised immediate relief. In fact, in section 122 the Lord describes other calamities that could come upon him, ending with "... and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good" (verse 8). It doesn't sound very encouraging unless you read on: "The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?" (verse 8); and at the end of verse 9: "therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever."

Jesus Christ has the power to save from all circumstances. His atonement covers all our sins and our trials and sufferings, if we will but come unto Him. It is comforting to know that He suffered all that man can suffer, that He truly understands anything we can ever experience. While I may feel a small part of what my friend feels right now, I cannot fully understand. But Christ does, and He knows each of our needs and desires and the thoughts and intents of our hearts. He experienced everything, and He will be with us to comfort and strengthen us as we seek Him.

The beauty of the gospel and of the atonement is that even when we cannot see the way clearly, our Savior does. Even when it seems impossible to come through a situation, nothing is impossible with the help of the Lord. My friend has mentioned the need for a miracle. Well, fortunately, God is a God of miracles--yesterday, today, and forever. It still does not mean that things will happen in the way our mortal minds, with limited mortal vision, might like. We do not have the eternal perspective that He does. This makes it more difficult to understand. Though the Lord told Joseph Smith, as already quoted, "thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment," I suspect that small moment felt like an eternity at the time. This is a time when we slowly learn to trust, when we strive to perfect our faith, trusting that though we do not see the full picture, our Heavenly Father has something wonderful in store for us.

Someday we will also see things perfectly. We will also see the whole picture. Someday we will come to understand why we were tested in ways that sometimes seemed beyond our mortal capacity. Someday we will see that some trials were to allow us to draw near to the Lord, to strengthen us, to prepare us. If we allow Him to, the Lord will lead us through our trials to beautiful blessings. Some of these may come in mortality. Many will not come until later. But they will come. As the Lord promised Joseph Smith, again already quoted, "And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." We can receive no greater reward than eternal life and exaltation. What we experience on earth is intended to prepare us for that.

So for now, we press forward. We seek the Lord. We lift up the hands that hang down and strengthen the feeble knees, hoping that someone will do the same for us in our time of need. We fast and pray and exercise faith, not just for our own benefit, but for the benefit of those we love. We seek the peace that comes only from the Lord, the peace that comes in spite of trials and hardships. And as we feel that peace, we seek to share it.

I certainly don't see everything. I wish there were some way that I could make things right for my friend, for others who suffer. I can't--not fully. But the Lord can, and I can continue to exercise faith that He is able to do so. I can offer a hand of friendship and support and a listening ear.

My hope is that we can all learn to rely more fully upon Jesus Christ and His atonement, both in times of need and in times of plenty. As we do so, we can be better prepared to overcome our own trials and to reach out to others in theirs. As we look for the small daily miracles, we will feel more able to ask for the miracles that may seem impossible. A Savior who can forgive sins, who can cleanse and purify and sanctify us, can surely bring us through any trial, great or small. I trust in this--for myself, for my friend, and for others who may be suffering right now. I know that our Savior can heal us completely and perfectly and bring us back to Him.