Have you received His image in your countenance?

I have so many thoughts right now... so many things running through my mind. Among them is a sense of frustration at the number of people who want to cast blame on all whites for the existence of racism. My heart hurts right now. It hurts for what happened to George Floyd. It hurts for the many other cases I may never have heard of. And it hurts for this country and for the rioting that is destroying property and threatening additional lives.

As I've thought about this, and as I glanced at this week's Come, Follow Me reading, I realized how timely these scriptures are once again to what is happening. One of the big problems right now is that everyone is casting blame. I can't even say I'm sad or frustrated with events without being labeled a racist and part of the problem. So I as I looked at the Primary manual, found the coloring page for today's FHE lesson, and thought about the scripture, I realized just how relevant and timely this lesson is.





"And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts? Do ye exercise faith in the redemption of him who created you? Do you look forward with an eye of faith, and view this mortal body raised in immortality, and this corruption raised in incorruption, to stand before God to be judged according to the deeds which have been done in the mortal body? I say unto you, can you imagine to yourselves that ye hear the voice of the Lord, saying unto you, in that day: Come unto me ye blessed, for behold, your works have been the works of righteousness upon the face of the earth?" (Book of Mormon, Alma 5:14-16)

I explained to George and Liam that in chapter 5 of Alma, Alma asks the people a lot of questions that were intended to help them (and us!) become better people. We focused on the question "Have ye received His [Jesus Christ's] image in your countenances?" I explained that "image" is like "picture" and that "countenance" means face. So Alma was asking the people, in essence, "When someone looks at you, can they see Jesus? Or can they see your happiness and want to know Jesus because of you?"

Instead of pointing fingers, we all (and I include myself) need to make time for self-reflection. How do I answer these questions at this time? How do you answer them? (I don't expect you to tell me, anymore than I will answer those for you here; these are very personal, and my answers are between me and my Savior, Whose image I hope I receive in my countenance.) One thing I know: I want to hear the voice of the Lord saying, "Come unto me ye blessed...."

So, when I'm accused of racism simply because I don't understand what others have suffered... I can't help but think that, while I don't fully understand, there is One Who does.

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me." (Book of Mormon, Alma 7:11-13)

Jesus Christ has literally suffered all things in order to redeem us. He knows our every pain and sickness and trial. When it seems that no one else understands, He does. He knows. And though we may not receive just recompense in this life, we will receive it. His mercy and love are extended to all. The degree to which we receive them depends on our acceptance.

I could even add that I have experienced (and still experience) significant prejudice. Not from most people, no, but there are many ignorant people out there. Does it compare to the racism many blacks in our country deal with? Probably not. But I'll add further that when I am in tune with the Holy Ghost, I have the ability to "mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort." (Book of Mormon, Mosiah 18:9) I have had the blessing of understanding through more than one experience that mourning with those that mourn does not mean feeling bad/sorry for them. It means actually experiencing their sorrow with them. The Holy Ghost can teach and guide me and help me to become more like Jesus Christ, including helping me to mourn with those that mourn. The heartache I feel right now is not just for me. It is for so many who are suffering, regardless of race or any other difference we may have.

This isn't about me. This is about recognizing that we are all children of God. This is about coming to love each other as Christ loves us... with a perfect love. In this moment, I know that Jesus Christ is aware of me and of my concerns and doubts and fears, of any pain and frustration I may be feeling. I know that He is also aware of the same for all of God's children throughout the world. He lives. He loves us. He is the Prince of Peace. It is only through Him that we can find peace. And I am grateful that even in a world of turmoil, I can find peace in my home and in my heart as I place my trust in my Savior. I pray that others my see His image reflected in my countenance, that I can live worthily to be able to share the light and love of the gospel and of my Savior. I love Him, and I am so grateful for His atoning sacrifice on my behalf. Through Him, I continue to find light and peace.

Liam's birth story

I haven't really blogged since starting a family. But since I told George's birth story, let's go for Liam's, as well.

It was another very uneventful pregnancy. We did adjust the "due date" early on after two early ultrasounds that showed him as measuring 6-7 days ahead of our guess on dates. There's so little size variation that early that it just made sense. So instead of guessing March 20, we were guessing March 14. (It was probably about January that we scheduled the date of the C-section for March 5.)

We didn't settle on a name for Liam until the day he was born, though we did discuss a few. Throughout the pregnancy, he was just "baby brother," though Josh was regularly referring to him as "Erik." (I don't object to the name; I just wasn't sure yet.) We got George a doll for Christmas to help him prepare a little. While it's never been his favorite toy, he does love his doll.

Liam's movements during the pregnancy were very different from George's. He was a squirmer rather than a kicker, and sometimes that resulted in nausea for me. He was also far more likely to waken me during the night. But even though I definitely dealt with more nausea and stronger gag reflex as a whole than I did with George, I still didn't really have "morning sickness." Also, he was in a transverse lie position throughout the pregnancy (I could always tell that his head was toward my right side), which made it far more comfortable for me to continue functioning, including walking and interacting with George. On the other hand, it means that delivery probably would have been by C-section regardless of who the woman was.

I didn't make it in for blood work the day before this time. The doctor suggested that there would be plenty of time the morning of, so that's what we planned on. Unfortunately, they did not call a phlebotomist to draw blood or let anesthesia place the IV. The nurse struggled, and I definitely ended up with a bruised arm this time. Ugh!!! Also, I think I did have an occasional contraction in the weeks before he was born, but I was definitely having contractions that morning as they were prepping me for surgery. He probably wouldn't have stayed put any longer.

The discussions with anesthesia were more interesting this time--or at least we were more informed. They had their notes from last time, and they could see the tiny scar where the needle had gone in. What we learned, though, is that they actually went in from the side, at an angle. (Because my spine is fused and there's a lot of calcification, they had to find just the right spot for a spinal block.) This time, I feel like they got in much more quickly, even though I'm pretty sure it took just as long for me to get numb afterward.

Overall, I felt like the surgery itself was more uncomfortable than with George. I got through, though. I was once again pleased (as was Josh) to hear a good, strong cry from my baby. From the beginning, his cry was different from George's. He has always been a very particular baby and wants things to be done his way. And while he is generally very happy, he'll definitely let you know if things aren't going his way.

As with George, it was very helpful to me to have Josh holding Liam beside me as they finished putting me back together. It gave me something else to focus on, as I spoke gently to my baby and stroked his head. Josh and I had discussed names a little more about a week or so before he was born, and I told him that I still wasn't sure on a first name. By then, I had decided that I wanted "Werner" as his middle name, but I wasn't sure whether I wanted Erik or Liam. I needed to see him first. I think we were in the recovery room before Josh said to me, "It's Liam, isn't it?" (For background, Werner is my maternal grandfather. He really loves knowing that Liam is named for him! And I didn't want to use the name "William," because I don't care much for "Will" and even less for "Bill." But my maternal grandmother's line has many William's, including her grandfather, as well as her uncle Billy, who is the one who loaned her the money to come to the U.S. Using "Liam" was to honor her, as well.) Yes, he is definitely Liam.

As they transferred me to the bed to wheel me to the recovery room, I could see Liam rooting already as Josh was holding him. Once I was settled, I was able to hold him, as they wheeled me into recovery. Once there, the nurse suggested just doing skin to skin, since babies will often latch on to nurse naturally.  A moment later she turned around and commented, "Whoa!" He was born knowing what to do and was a great nurser. Our only trouble, really, was when my milk came in and his mouth was just too small.

I made it clear this time that I didn't want any oral narcotics at all--only the ibuprofen and Tylenol, alternated. And to be honest, I feel like my recovery was significantly easier this time around. I actually was not very consistent with pain meds after coming home; after George was born, we could keep things within my reach. After Liam was born, that wasn't an option, because that would have meant George could reach them, too. But I did fine. I don't think I took Tylenol at all after leaving the hospital, and ibuprofen only when I remembered I hadn't had it in a while.

It was particularly special to be able to introduce George to his baby brother. He was more interested in all the machines in the hospital room, though. I'm very grateful to my mom and Christine for being here and staying with George during this time, and bringing him back and forth--and helping afterward. I once again spent only 3 days in the hospital. I feel like the nurses tried to make a bigger point of allowing me to rest/sleep this time, but it's still so much easier to sleep at home! I'm also super grateful to Josh for all he did and has continued to do. It's been a fun but rather eventful year. But I did feel the need to get down his birth story, finally. :)