Peace on earth: can it be?

My heart aches today--for the children who were killed, for those who survived and will have to live with trauma of the violence they witnessed, for the families whose children will not come home to them. My heart aches as I think of unopened presents sitting under Christmas trees, parents who are burying their children instead of celebrating the most joyous time of the year. I can only imagine what those people are experiencing. But I know my own emotions have been overpowering: sorrow, anger, confusion. That is not to say that I have not also felt the peace of the Spirit. But I cannot comprehend how anyone could take the life of an innocent child, much less 20 of them. I pray for those whose hearts have been broken today, whose arms are empty. I pray that they may find some measure of peace.

I can't help but think how difficult Christmas will be for the families who are now in mourning. And it won't just be this Christmas. It will probably be every Christmas for the rest of their lives. Even for those who let go of any bitterness, there will always be a feeling of sorrow as Christmas approaches.

For this reason, and because of a question posed, "Where is the 'Peace on Earth, Good Will Towards Men?'" I found myself thinking of Longfellow's story and the words he penned "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day." Longfellow said:

And in despair I bowed my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Aren't we all feeling the same right now? Where is the hope for peace, when deranged men and women will take the lives of innocents? But the hymn continues:

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men."

There is significance to celebrating Christmas at the darkest part of the year--only four days after the solstice. We celebrate the birth of the Light of the World, our only hope for peace. As I thought about this, I also thought about the comforting words of Elder Bowen in this past general conference: "Because I Live, Ye Shall Live Also." His talk brought tears to my eyes then and still does now as I think about his words:

"Sometimes people will ask, 'How long did it take you to get over it?' The truth is, you will never completely get over it until you are together once again with your departed loved ones. I will never have a fulness of joy until we are reunited in the morning of the First Resurrection.

'For man is spirit. The elements are eternal, and spirit and element, inseparably connected, receive a fulness of joy;

'And when separated, man cannot receive a fulness of joy.'"

They won't "get over it." Not in mortality. Those parents, those children who survived, so many people who were affected will not get over it completely in mortality. But the Savior's atonement can help ease their pain and provide some measure of joy. And ultimately, because of the atonement and the resurrection, their joy can be full again.

So many other thoughts have been running through my mind. The words of the apostle Paul in 2 Timothy 3, describing the perils of the last days. The words of Mormon writing to his son Moroni, reminding him of the innocence of children in Moroni 8: "But little children are alive in Christ, even from the foundation of the world..." (verse 12). And yet in spite of Mormon's reminders, much of his epistle focuses on the wickedness of the people. Everywhere we turn, it seems there is evil and darkness.

But as I was listening to Christmas music on Pandora, Bing Crosby and David Bowie came up singing "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy." The words were all the more significant today:

Peace on earth: can it be?

Years from now, perhaps we'll see,

See the day of glory,

See the day when men of good will live in peace,

Live in peace again.

Peace on earth: can it be?

Every child must be made aware,

Every child must be made to care,

Care enough for his fellowman

To give all the love that he can.

I pray my wish will come true

For my child, and your child too.

We'll see the day of glory,

See the day when men of good will live in peace,

Live in peace again.

Peace on earth: can it be?

Can it be? This "day of glory" would be the second coming of Jesus Christ, who will restore peace to the earth. Unfortunately, until then we will not see peace. We can seek to establish peace in our own hearts and homes: Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me. But true peace must begin with Jesus Christ.

Which brings me to another song that has been on my mind lately: O Come, O Come, Emmanuel:

O come, o come, Emmanuel

And ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of God appear.

Isn't this still our plea? We think of it as a Christmas hymn only. But does not Israel still mourn in lonely exile? Does not the Judeo-Christian world still look for the coming of the promised Messiah in clouds of glory? We still trust in Him as our only hope for deliverance. We look to Him as our only hope for peace.

Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

This is not just a Christmas hymn. It is a plea to God to send His Son. Though He came to earth as a baby, ministered among the people of Jerusalem and Galilee, and suffered and died to atone for our sins that we might all live again, both physically and spiritually--though He has already done all this, we still wait for Him. We pray for the peace that only He can offer. He will return to the earth, this time in glory. He will come to ransom His people, Israel. He will remove the darkness and despair and replace it with light and hope and peace. We can experience this to a degree right now, but we cannot comprehend the light and the joy we will experience when we are reunited with those we love and with our Savior and Redeemer. "O come, o come, Emmanuel!"

Till, ringing, singing, on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

Worship and tolerance

"We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may." These words come from our 11th article of faith. How a person worships might, for some women, include wearing pants. I will not judge--it is not my place to judge--how another person chooses to worship.

On the other hand, those of us who choose differently--those of us who choose to wear a dress or skirt to church--should not be judged for that choice either. It does not mean we don't like women who wear pants. It does not mean we will ignore them. We will tolerate and even love them. Shouldn't we be able to expect the same? As I have said before, intolerance in the name of tolerance is still intolerance. Tolerance means open-mindedness, a willingness to love all people. Just because I do not agree with someone does not mean I do not love that person. And I don't expect everyone to agree with me. What a boring world this would be if we were all exactly the same and agreed on everything!

Which brings about an interesting question... What is equality? If equality means everyone is the same, I don't want it! Why should I want to be equal to men if it means being the same? I don't want to be "equal" to other women, either, if it's just defined as sameness. We are children of God. In that sense we are all equal. But we are individuals, with unique and wonderful characteristics. I don't want to give up who I am to join some agenda that seeks to equalize everyone. "And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you" (New Testament, 1 Corinthians 12:21). Every single one of us is needed, with our uniqueness. "If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling?" (1 Corinthians 12:17). This is the beauty of the gospel. We can be individuals, and our individual identities are enhanced as we embrace and live the laws of the Lord.

I am tired of a small number of people claiming that they represent everyone--and specifically claiming that they represent me. I didn't like it with the "occupy" movement and the 99%, and I don't like it now. My frustration is not against those who choose to wear pants, but against those who suggest that if I don't, I must be submissive and willing to accept that I am somehow inferior to men. Obviously these people don't know me very well... I try very hard not to be judgmental, and I have never shunned a woman for wearing pants to church. I would appreciate the same respect in return. That is tolerance and equality.

I believe I can make myself more "equal" to men by embracing my femininity and complementing (LE, not LI) their masculinity. Think of how much we could accomplish if we each came with our individual strengths and shared those strengths as we worked together! If we were all the same, we would be missing out on a lot. The church runs well not because we are the same, but because we are different, and by bringing together our various talents we can help move the Lord's work forward.

The most important thing to remember is that the Lord's work will move forward. His team will win. The only question is, whose side will we be on? I don't choose to side with pants or with dresses. Neither can save me. I side with my Savior, Jesus Christ. He atoned for my sins and shortcomings, and only through Him can I be saved. If I choose to wear a dress or skirt, it is because I consider that a small way in which I can show respect to Him for all that He has done for me. It is because it makes me feel more worshipful. It is because I love Him. This one part of "how" I choose to worship, and as I respect others, I ask that they also respect me.

December: Christmas good

I really enjoyed doing the daily posting last month, so I've been trying to decide how I might continue that into December. As we are celebrating the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ, I thought it might be fun to look for the good around me, whether it be small acts of service or specific Christlike qualities. I won't mention names. I just want to be more observant and notice the good in other people. :) I wanted it to be a little different from the gratitude posts, though.

1 December 2012. This was rather a big one, actually. I saw the generosity of many people who had donated trees, and many others who had purchased the trees at the Festival of Trees.

2 December 2012. I noticed today how there were many people eager to bear pure, sweet, simple testimony of Jesus Christ and of His gospel. Because they did, the Spirit was able to speak to the hearts of all who were listening.

3 December 2012. I saw eager giving of goods and services to auction and even more eager giving of money in an auction to help provide Christmas for families in need. It is good not just to see people giving at Christmas time, but to see them so excited about it.

4 December 2012. I saw sweet humility in a request for forgiveness. It was unexpected and unnecessary (I saw/took no offense), but still welcome. It makes me want to be better, too.

5 December 2012. I saw people who prepared and then willingly shared their talents. More importantly, I saw people who were quick to extend the hand of friendship to others.

6 December 2012. I saw excitement in learning and specifically in making connections and beginning to put things in context in relation to each other. The glory of God is intelligence. :)

7 December 2012. I saw patience demonstrated even in little, seemingly insignificant questions and problems that continue to arise.

8 December 2012. I saw the sweet innocence of childhood in a tiny helpless baby and in a toddler who loves his baby sister and is eager to share with her and with others.

9 December 2012. I saw people willing to give of their time and energies to fulfill callings and to support each other, even when their time is very limited.

10 December 2012. I saw many people eager to give of their time and energy to serve at the Food Bank, organizing food items that will eventually go to those in need, while building and strengthening friendships.

11 December 2012. I saw friendly smiles and well-wishes exchanged between complete strangers. (This is one of the best things about the Christmas season!) I also saw two men prepared to give a priesthood blessing at a moment's notice (not sure to whom, but it doesn't matter). It made me think how wonderful it is to work in an environment where a person need not hesitate to ask!

12 December 2012. I saw many people uniting in agreement that the most important part of church is not making a stand but worshiping God.

13 December 2012. I saw the benefits of working together to solve a problem and come to a realistic solution.

14 December 2012. I saw many people with broken hearts, joining in faith and prayer on behalf of those--strangers--who are suffering following today's tragic elementary school shooting. It brings the spirit of Christmas and the importance of family closer to home.

15 December 2012. I was reminded of the importance of finding unity instead of division, focusing on similarities instead of differences, and loving and praying for all of God's children.

16 December 2012. I heard the story of the candy bomber, who brought joy to children of West Berlin, and saw the overwhelming response (a standing ovation) for a man who has spent his life serving God and country--and the people of the world.

17 December 2012. I saw a lot of good discussion and collaboration among coworkers. I also saw more giving in the form of carolers with goodies.

18 December 2012. I saw community (some Catholic, some Mormon, probably some Protestant) come together to join in celebrating the birth of the Savior through Christmas carols. This included the preparation of the children who sang and the beauty and love they shared with everyone there.

19 December 2012. I saw beautiful, sweet gratitude expressed. I also saw the joy that comes from joining together in singing Christmas hymns with those with whom we work. (Christmas music is always joyful, isn't it?)

20 December 2012. I saw people willing to give of precious time to serve in the temple. What a beautiful Christmas gift. :)

21 December 2012. I was offered a ride over taking public transportation. (I'm excited to try Frontrunner still, but it can wait. I'll take the ride and the company!)

22 December 2012. I saw a few drivers who were aware of and courteous to others on the road in the midst of crazy, last-minute-holiday-shopping traffic. (In Provo/Orem, even Saturday qualified as last-minute, since Sunday is out for most of Utah valley.)

23 December 2012. I saw a sweet boy ready to share his favorite toys with his baby sister when she was crying. In a couple more months, she might actually be able to take some of them. :)

24 December 2012. I saw the excitement of preparing Christmas for a small child, including watching a brief nativity movie, then Muppet Christmas carol, then fixing up a stocking and making the Christmas tree more accessible.

25 December 2012. I saw the excitement of childhood over Christmas day, and family togetherness (even if we were all exhausted). It makes me more excited to have everyone together for a bit.

26 December 2012. I was offered a ride to work instead of getting up super early to take Frontrunner from Orem. Awesome!

27 December 2012. I woke up this morning to already-shoveled steps out of my building. I was offered a ride home from the grocery store. (There seem to be a lot of rides!) Also, I saw people quick to help a fellow passenger on the bus know where she needed to get off to get where she was going.

28 December 2012. I saw how hard work paid off in creating fun lights at the zoo, and I saw friends happy to share their evening out.

29 December 2012. The best I can come up with today is "seeing" (through pictures) the excitement of my parents meeting their granddaughter. I was lazy and didn't go anywhere at all...

30 December 2012. I saw priesthood power exercised not only in conducting meetings but in sustaining and setting me apart to a new calling.

31 December 2012. Mostly I saw family togetherness. It was fun to have almost all of us (my brother-in-law, Alex, excepted) together.

The Book of Mormon--nearing the end of another year

I began this year with a blog post about what the Book of Mormon means to me, mentioning that there might be more posts to follow. Up to this point, there haven't been (sorry!), but after today's Sunday School lesson, I wanted to share some thoughts again.

The lesson was on Mormon 7-9, Mormon's farewell and Moroni's first farewell. Mormon's farewell in chapter 7 is only 10 verses long, but it is beautiful. He bears his testimony of Jesus Christ and of the atonement and outlines the first principles and ordinances of the gospel: faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism, and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost. So simple, yet so profound. He mentions the resurrection and the beautiful promises made to those who have repented and embraced the gospel of Jesus Christ.

One verse that really stood out to me is in Mormon 8:35: "Behold, I speak unto you as if ye were present, and yet ye are not. But behold, Jesus Christ hath shown you unto me, and I know your doing." I take this to mean that he did not just see our day, but that he saw me specifically and knew my doing. This could be a frightening thing, but it doesn't have to be.

Even as Moroni continues to describe the pride and hypocrisy and secret abominations of the latter-days, he does mention that there are a few who do not fall into this category. He saw the bad, but he also saw the good. What does that mean for us?

I can't help thinking that even as my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ want me to return home to them, and as Jesus Christ has prepared the way through His atonement, crucifixion, and resurrection, that there are many others who are also eager for me to prove myself and to return home to my Heavenly Father. It's encouraging to think that a great prophet like Moroni is among them. Going back to Mormon's words in chapter 7 adds further encouragement. Mormon wrote that he wanted the people to "know of the things of their fathers" (Mormon 7:1, repeated in verses 5 and 9). While this is literally directed to the descendants of the people he had just seen destroyed and of the people he saw continuing to battle each other, I believe it is also directed to us--to me. As I learn of my ancestors and others who have gone before, particularly as I learn of their love for the gospel and for the Savior Jesus Christ, I also come to know that there are many people who have already passed on who want to see me succeed, who want to see me return to my Heavenly Father. I am not alone! Between the friends and family I have, on earth and in heaven, and as I rely on the atonement of Jesus Christ, I can reach my eternal potential. I have an amazing support system, even if I cannot see all of them! Someday I hope to be able to meet them. :)

In Moroni's farewell in chapter 9, he speaks of the works of God and reminds us that God is a God of miracles. How can we not believe, when we see His wondrous works each day? "For do we not read that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, and in him there is no variableness neither shadow of changing?" (Mormon 9:9) And he continues, "Behold, are not the things that God hath wrought marvelous in our eyes? Yea, and who can comprehend the marvelous works of God?" (Mormon 9:16) I only need to look around me, or to turn to the Book of Mormon or other scriptures, to feel the power of God's love and to know that He is a God of miracles, that His hand is over all the earth, that He has a plan for me and for each of His children, that He loves us all!

As Moroni tells us, "For the eternal purposes of the Lord shall roll on, until all his promises shall be fulfilled." (Moroni 8:22) The Lord has made such wonderful promises to those who will obey Him! He will fulfill those promises.

As I sat in Sunday School today, the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon was reconfirmed to me through the Holy Ghost. There are so many who have sacrificed, both then and now, so that I can have the word of God today. I know that the Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ. I know that it was written for our day. This becomes more clear as the turmoil in the world increases. I know that the Book of Mormon teaches us the plan of salvation and is a means to come nearer to Jesus Christ. I know that Jesus Christ lives, and that He is my Savior. I know that God is still a God of miracles. I find peace and joy in this knowledge. I bear this testimony in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Title of Liberty--small and simple things

"And it came to pass that he rent his coat; and he took a piece thereof, and wrote upon it--In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children--and he fastened it upon the end of a pole. And he fastened on his head-plate, and his breastplate, and his shields, and girded on his armor about his loins; and he took the pole, which on the end thereof his rent coat, (and he called it the title of liberty) and he bowed himself to the earth, and he prayed mightily unto his God for the blessings of liberty to rest upon his brethren, so long as there should a band of Christians remain to possess the land." Book of Mormon, Alma 46:12-13.

I've been thinking about this and how important it is for us to protect the same things: our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives [families], and our children. The more I think about it, the more I also think it's very significant that Moroni wrote the title of liberty on his rent (torn) coat. How so?

Well, I think that it is a reminder of how simple it can be for us to defend out rights and our liberty and those things that are most precious to us. Moroni used what he had on hand. It happened to be his coat. What do we have on hand? Well, for starters, we have social media. I don't need to tear a coat and wave it on a pole. I can share a message much more quickly, with far more people, by blogging and/or posting to Facebook. These things are readily available. I don't have to look far.

Even reading about Moroni putting on his armor takes on great significance for us. We may not be called to fight in a physical war. But just as Moroni had his armor and prepared himself for battle, we can be constantly preparing ourselves. "He bowed himself to the earth, and he prayed mightily unto his God..." Isn't that even more powerful than the physical armor he wore? Our preparation should be the same. We, too, need to pray mightily. We need to study the word of God, both in the scriptures and in the words of the living prophets. We need to be prepared to speak up and defend the things that are most important to us, and we can best prepare by studying and inviting the Spirit into our lives. In this way, our "armor" will always be with us.

I may not carry a literal title of liberty--not a torn coat, not a flag with writing on it. But I hope that the way I live will represent my love for and my desire to defend those Moroni mentions: God, religion, freedom, peace, family. I might add my country to the list; the stars and stripes still represent all of these things to me. I may never be directly involved in a physical war. I hope I will not. But I also hope that the way I live will demonstrate that I am on the Lord's side, and that I will defend truth and liberty. I don't know what may be asked of me. But I know, especially as I continue to consider these verses, that I can do what is necessary now, as simple as it may seem, to be prepared for whatever God may require of me.

America, constitutional freedoms, and agency

Brief preface to this post: First, although the documentaries I watched have brought a multitude of thoughts to my mind, they were both more about presentation of things I could already see for myself. Second, though I may quote scriptures within this post, these are my own thoughts and impressions and not representative of or endorsed by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Nevertheless, I hope they are doctrinally sound.

I have watched two documentaries this weekend. The first was Obama's America: 2016, the second was AGENDA: Grinding America Down. As already stated, these films confirmed things I have already seen and interpreted for myself.

Obama's America: 2016 is not an apocalyptic film. There is not really a strong prediction of what America will be like in 2016. However, it does focus on what is known of Obama's background and specifically of his mentors and other influences. It is shown that he was influenced by his Kenyan father as well as by a number of socialists and communists. Those who still have strong influence in his life and his ideas also fall into this category.

The approach to the film was interesting. It seemed unlikely that the communist agenda itself, or the lack of information about Obama, would be enough to promote the ideas of the film. However, by presenting it instead as an anti-colonialism agenda, the points were strengthened. In either case, the predicted end result is similar: the weakening of America.

AGENDA: Grinding America Down took a different approach. It did not focus strongly on Obama (though he was mentioned), but it did focus on how socialistic and even communistic values have been gradually creeping into our society for at least two decades. The creator of the documentary specifically focused on how the communists have pushed their agenda by attacking Judeo-Christian values, especially the family. Their focus has been on mitigating the influence of parents by allowing public schools (i.e., government) to take over as early as possible. The real idea of communism, as presented by the documentary, is big government.

Also figuring into the communist agenda are both environmentalism and the feminist movement. Why? Because each of these can be presented in such a way as to sound exciting to the people. But what are they really doing? Environmentalism has forced us to become dependent on the government for energy resources. And the feminist movement contributes directly to the breakdown of the family, forcing children to be raised by the government without regard to the moral ideology of the parents.

It's absolutely frightening to think of what forcing communist ideals would mean. The film made the point that communism is a killing machine, stating that it was responsible for more deaths in the 20th century than were all of the wars throughout history, combined. Yikes! And the truly frightening thing? We have historical evidence of socialist/communist leaders rising to power through the voice of the people. Hitler did not come in at random and take control of Germany. The German people elected him, and he proceeded to enact "emergency legislation" (overriding the laws then in place) that gave him absolute power. While I know some would disagree, I would venture to say that Obama has already bent and twisted American law, even our Constitution, to suit his own needs and agenda.

You might argue that we would never see communism become a killing machine in the United States. I would disagree. Obamacare is actually a prime example. My cousin's son was born with a rare heart disease. They are already experiencing the effects of Obamacare on their ability to care for their son. The limit on the amount of money that can be put into a flexible spending account has decreased. (I read over a year ago that Obama's plan was for this to increase tax revenue and thus redistribute money more evenly.) This means that not only will they be taxed on that money, but they cannot spread the cost evenly over the year as a flexible spending account normally allows. Unfortunately, they are also unable to qualify for government aid for their son's medical care. That is, not only has the provision that allowed them to pay their medical bills been removed, but there is no provision to make up for it. My interpretation? The government is already placing value on lives and determining who should and should not receive the necessary care to survive. I know some will not agree with me, but these over-restrictive policies sound like a step toward euthanasia. We already know the left does not place value on unborn life; why should we expect them to value our lives? What right does man have to rank the value of others' lives?

Another comment I found interesting was the communist idea that eliminating God elevates man. What?!?! I suppose it temporarily elevates one man or a small group of men who maintain control of mankind. But eliminating God--well, it eliminates everything. Even if we could exist without a higher Being, without a Supreme Creator, what would be the purpose? Judeo-Christian values would suggest that the existence of God is what elevates man: "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them" (Old Testament, Genesis 1:27). What could possibly be more elevating to man (and woman) than to know that we are created in the image of God, that we are His children? And because we are His children, every life, male or female, born or unborn, is of infinite worth.

I did feel a surge of gratitude as I listened to the presentation of the idea that this leftist agenda is especially being pushed in education. I agree with what they say. However, I was blessed to have some amazing teachers, Mr. Smith in particular, who strongly encouraged us to think for ourselves and to question everything we read or hear. It was exciting as a teenager to sit through a history class each day where I knew the teacher would allow me to challenge him. But I am ever so much more grateful for that, now--especially from a history teacher! The last two months leave us all wondering: who writes history, and what do they share or not share? America has yet to receive answers about Benghazi. Who will put it in the history books? What will they say? Will we ever know the truth?

In regard to education, my desire to home school (if the day comes when I do marry and have a family) was strongly reinforced. I will not allow the government to raise my child. I am capable of teaching not only moral values but secular learning. Even for me, where I was not home schooled, my love of learning came not from school (though I liked going to school), but from the values taught at home. This was not just religion. This was our shelves full of books, the music that was regularly a part of life, the family field trips to zoos and museums and other places. My children will be educated, not indoctrinated.

I was particularly struck by the comments relating directly to agency (even though the word "agency" was never used). The suggestion was made that the acceptance of the communist agenda by the left wing was born either of ignorance or of evil, and that evidence shows that for many ignorance is not an option. That leaves evil. Later it is also said that the farther communism progresses, the more difficult it is to recognize evil. Yikes! Think of Isaiah: "Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!" (Old Testament, Isaiah 5:20). And yet there are people who would do all in their power to blur those lines. Darkness cannot be mistaken for light, not bitter for sweet--not unless we have lost or given up our ability to see or to taste. The same is true between good and evil. One cannot be mistaken for the other unless we give up our ability to judge and to choose.

Which brings us to the heart of the problem with communism. What I drew from the documentary was that the greatest problem with communism (which is the direction our country appears to be headed) is the removal of our agency. I fought for agency before I came to this earth! You did, too, or you would not be here. One man, Saul Alinsky, who promotes the communist agenda and has strongly influenced Obama actually dedicated a book: "Lest we forget at least an over-the-shoulder acknowledgement to the very first radical: from all our legends, mythology, and history... the first radical known to man who rebelled against the establishment and did it so effectively that he at least won his own kingdom--Lucifer." My jaw dropped when I heard that. Evil, evil, evil! No God-fearing Christian could deny that this is evil! And this man has an influence on our president?

We, as humans, are set apart from the rest of God's creations by our agency: the ability to distinguish and to choose between good and evil. Satan's (Lucifer's) plan was to have a "perfect" world in which our agency would be removed and we would all be forced back to heaven. In exchange, he wanted the glory. Sound a little like the communist agenda? I would say so.

I chose God's plan. This I know, because I am here on earth. I chose to gain a physical body, to come to earth with agency: the freedom to choose. I knew I would make mistakes. But I also knew that God's plan included a Savior, Jesus Christ, who would make it possible for me to repent, to continue to choose right, and eventually return to God. I chose this. I even knew there would be suffering. But I also understood that the suffering was necessary in order to experience joy. Without opposition, we do not learn or progress. The communist agenda would remove all opposition and with it our ability to choose.

Nearly 50 years ago, then Elder Benson (of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles) warned against the evils of socialism as seen in this link. I love his comment: "Stand up for freedom, no matter what the cost. It can help to save your soul, and maybe your country." Several thoughts come to my mind as I consider this. First, my grandpa grew up in Hitler's Germany. I have rarely heard him speak of it; it is not something he likes to remember. Knowing this, knowing that he left his homeland to establish a home and later a family in a land of freedom, knowing the great love he has for the United States, how could I possibly support anything that resembles Hitler's Germany? Second, as I have already said, I know I fought for agency--for the freedom to choose--before I came to this life. Because of this, the final thought is that I will continue to fight. This is about the triumph of good over evil. God's plan will prevail--we know which team will win. The question is, whose team will we be on? I want to be found on God's team. I will continue to fight for freedom--freedom to choose, freedom to worship my God. Elder Benson said, "Stand up for freedom, no matter what the cost." To my dying breath, I will stand up for freedom, against socialism and communism. No matter what the cost. If the day comes that I must give my dying breath in this fight, so be it. I would rather give my life knowing that I am on the Lord's team, and receive my reward from Him, than merely exist on a team that will ultimately be defeated.

30 days of gratitude

This will be an ongoing post this month. While I could post simply as Facebook statuses as many others are doing, if I blog instead, it all ends up in the same place.

1 November 2012. I am grateful for life. My life is good! :) It may not be perfect. Things have not happened the way I imagined. There are things I still desire and hope for. But I am reminded regularly that my Heavenly Father knows and loves me, and that He has a plan for me. His plan, though I may not understand it or be able to see it all clearly yet, is greater than I could imagine for myself. My righteous desires will be fulfilled in His time. I have faith in this and continue to find happiness as I trust in the Lord. I am grateful for the opportunity to be alive, to learn and discover and hopefully to fulfill His plan for me.

2 November 2012. I am grateful for sunshine. Sometimes in the summer heat I forget how much I love the light. I have been enjoying the Indian summer days since our first snowfall. I thoroughly enjoyed the warmth of the sun on my shoulders and the crunch of the autumn leaves under my feet as I walked home from work today. And the light that comes from the sun is a source of happiness. It is also a reminder of the Son, Jesus Christ, who is the light of the world and the only source of true happiness.

3 November 2012. I am grateful for my heritage. There are so many things and especially people who have contributed to who I am and where I am. I spent a little time with my maternal grandparents this evening, over dinner. I am grateful to them for having the courage to leave their homes and build a new life in America. I am grateful to earlier ancestors in my paternal line who joined the church, immigrated to Nauvoo, and crossed the plains to the Salt Lake Valley. The traits that define me came from these and other ancestors. Also part of my heritage is the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and the American dream. I have the freedom to practice my religion, to worship my God. And I have the freedom not only to dream but to strive for and accomplish my dreams. I hope and pray that I will always enjoy these freedoms, and that I may also leave this great heritage to my children and grandchildren.

4 November 2012. I am grateful for fasting. Yes, I know it sounds crazy. Some might interpret it as "I'm grateful that I have to starve myself once a month." But fasting done right isn't about starving. In fact, it's easy to forget physical hunger when you focus instead on feasting on the word of Christ, on inviting the Holy Spirit into your mind and heart, on strengthening your testimony of the gospel and specifically of fasting. Each month, I have the opportunity to focus and exercise my faith more fully. Each month, I am reminded how much more powerful the Spirit of the Lord can be in my life when I make a small sacrifice to come nearer to the Lord. Each month I have the opportunity to donate generously on behalf of others, in place of eating two meals on Sunday. Each month I feel my testimony strengthened as I fast and as I hear others' testimonies. For these and other reasons, I am grateful for fasting.

5 November 2012. I am grateful for liberty and for agency. I am grateful to live in a country that was established on principles of freedom. I am grateful that this means I have the right to vote, to raise my voice and cast my ballot. I have already mailed my ballot this year; in the past, I have also voted in person (well, at the machine set up at the polling location). Either way, I feel grateful to be a small part of the political process. I feel especially grateful to the many who have sacrificed and continue to sacrifice so I can enjoy liberty and opportunity, including the opportunity to vote. I love my country!

6 November 2012. I am grateful to be an American. I'm feeling disappointed right now, but I am still so grateful for the freedoms established by our founding fathers and by so many since then. I am grateful for those who have given and continue to give their all so I can enjoy these freedoms, including the right to vote. I still love this country and am grateful for our Constitution. I will continue to support the laws of the land and fight for the freedoms so many have already sacrificed for, and I will continue to pray for the United States of America.

7 November 2012. I am grateful for parents who taught me the gospel and to love God and country. I have been reading and listening to some of President Benson's words this evening. I was only 4 at the time he gave the conference talk--younger at the time of the other clip. But I'm pretty sure I heard those words, even if I didn't have the ability to understand it all, because my parents have always made the gospel a priority. One of my earliest memories is of attending a conference (while we lived in Texas, I believe) where President Benson spoke. I know it stuck with me because the gospel was important in our home and my parents emphasized the importance of hearing from a prophet of God. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for your teaching, even when you may not have realized how much of an impact it had at the time and has had since.

8 November 2012. I am grateful for a good job. I know there are many people who are unemployed and others who are not satisfied with their jobs. I feel blessed to have a job where I enjoy what I do and have the opportunity to work with some great people. I am grateful for the opportunity to learn and progress in my job and for the trust that is placed in me. I may occasionally complain about getting up early or about trying to keep up with everything, but I do enjoy my work, and I am grateful to be where I am today.

9 November 2012. I am grateful for snow. It was fun watching it fall all day, and it's fun to look out to see the world covered in white. I'm also grateful for babies. Hannah and I had a good evening, even if she spent a good portion of it very angry. I even got to hear her call Christel "Mama" for the first time... but Christel missed it. (She'd been crying, but as soon as she saw Christel again, she said "mamamamama.")

10 November 2012. I'm grateful for slow cookers and for ice cream. (Not together. I don't like ice cream soup.) I have some nice chicken for the next few days. And yes, I do still enjoy ice cream even when it's snowing.

11 November 2012. I am grateful for veterans and for those currently serving or preparing to serve our country. I am also grateful for their families. So many people have sacrificed much, and some have sacrificed all, so that I can enjoy the liberties I have today. Freedom is not free. Many continue to pay the price of freedom, and I am so grateful to them for their love of liberty over life. On a less somber note, I am grateful for rides to church, Sunday afternoon naps, and hot chocolate.

12 November 2012. I am grateful for a flexible boss (I left work at 11 today to finish a school assignment, promising to work 9-hour days the rest of the week) and an understanding professor (my computer died, and the old one that is still functional tends to freeze and take several minutes to respond again, so the professor offered a little leniency). Really, it's wonderful how understanding people are when you speak up honestly, act appropriately, and ask for understanding. I feel like today has been a successful (if long) day.

13 November 2012. Did I say I am grateful for my boss? I am. I'm grateful that he backs me up when I occasionally tell people no. I'm also grateful that he is back at work this week, so I don't have to be the only go-to person when something goes wrong. All in all, I'm just grateful for a really good boss who doesn't micromanage and yet is involved and aware. Today I am also grateful for warm things: hat, scarf, mittens, heater, hot water, hot chocolate, rice bag straight out of the microwave, fuzzy socks, and a warm bed.

14 November 2012. I am grateful for yarn and crochet hooks and excuses to make cute, fun things. It's so relaxing, I love discovering new patterns, and it really is amazing what can take shape from a bunch of different kinds of slip knots. I am really grateful for a soon-to-arrive niece, who will get a number of soft, warm, cute things.

15 November 2012. I am grateful for customer service reps who are kind and helpful. I called Office Max about my broken computer, and the manager will talk to the service warranty people if I take my computer in. He will also help retrieve stuff from the hard drive. (Yes!!!! Even if I decide I don't want to send the computer in again, at least I know I'll have everything, including what I did in the last month and didn't get a chance to back up. Now I know what I'm doing after work tomorrow....) I also called Sprint to clear up a minor problem on my bill. It took longer than I would have liked, but they were very helpful and it has been fixed. It's nice to talk to people who really do want to help. :)

16 November 2012. I am grateful to have a smart phone that does almost everything my computer does. It makes a weekend without Internet access somewhat more bearable when I can still check Facebook and email, check in on the discussion board(s) for my class, and look up the crochet patterns I had been working from. On that note, I am also very grateful for Google and for "the cloud." It's amazing to me that anything tied to my Google account can be accessed from any device that can access Google.

17 November 2012. I am grateful for beautiful productions to get me in the Christmas spirit--and friends and family who join me. Savior of the World has become a tradition for me: I love going, and I love sharing it with other people. I'm grateful for the family and friends who came--those who planned to come from the start, as well as those who joined us last minute. It was a beautiful afternoon and a reminder of the true meaning of Christmas.

18 November 2012. I am grateful for the opportunity to partake of the sacrament each week, to ponder on the atonement and to renew my covenants. I am grateful to attend church and leave behind the cares of the world briefly to study the gospel with others and to be spiritually renewed and refreshed. I am grateful for good friends who make life enjoyable.

19 November 2012. I am grateful for laughter. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time; an hour later I'm still on a "high" from laughing. Thanks Sue, Ashlynn, and Sheldon! I am especially grateful for Sheldon's laugh. It is soooo cute and contagious. I am grateful for family and for excuses to get together. Whitney's baby shower was fun, and now she has lots of cute things for baby Amanda, and everyone had a good time together.

20 November 2012. I am grateful for amigurumi. Yes, it's a word. I've recently discovered all these fantastic patterns for crocheted animals and other toys, and it's FUN. Plus, they're cute. I love trying out new patterns and seeing the results. I am also grateful for my bed. It's nice to know that I have a warm, comfortable place to sleep after a long day.

21 November 2012. I am grateful for express buses and carpool lanes. It made the ride to Orem much more reasonable. I am also grateful for family close by willing to pick me up from the bus... and for a nephew who decided it was worth getting in the car when he was told that they were going to pick up "tia."

22 November 2012. I am grateful for the ability to laugh at what might otherwise be considered a disaster. And I am grateful for people ready to serve in strange ways--like offering their oven when the one needed for Thanksgiving dinner had broken. I think Tom got frustrated, especially when the apartment manager's fancy oven shut off while the pies were baking, but Whitney and I couldn't help laughing. I am grateful not just for the Thanksgiving dinner we enjoyed but for the memories we created. I am also grateful for quiet neighbors. It's rare that I hear mine, but the upstairs neighbors at Tom and Whitney's stomp around a lot.

23 November 2012. I am grateful for the excitement of childhood. It's fun to see how much Jacob is learning and how much more he is talking. Sometimes it's clearly Spanish (Coco [comida]! Quiero coco!) and sometimes it's definitely English (The bear! The hat! The hot [hot chocolate]!) and often it's a very adamant Nnnnnnnnnnno! (drawn-out "N" and quick "O"), but it's fun to hear him say more and more each time I see him and to see how excited he is about learning new things.

24 November 2012. I am grateful for computers--and grateful I decided to order a new one. As many frustrations as computers can cause, they make library work much more feasible for both librarians and patrons. They also make it possible for me to be working on a degree at an out-of-state university while also working full-time. In spite of occasional agony, it's amazing what we can do with technology!

25 November 2012. I am grateful for gifts that "keep on giving." I finally used the last of the Amazon gift card I got last Christmas and got myself a cookie press. It was a lot of fun trying it out today, and I now have many cookies to share. Plus, I can look forward to using the cookie press many more times in the future. It's a lot of work, but I feel happy now. :)

26 November 2012. I am grateful for Family Home Evening. It's nice to have a time to get together to hear a brief gospel message and to enjoy the company of good friends (since I don't currently live with family). Of the many activities and other pastimes I can choose from each week, FHE is one that I have learned I need. It's a blessing to be a part of a church that encourages us to spend time as families not only to learn the gospel together but also just to have fun.

27 November 2012. I know I've already said it, but I'm grateful for a good boss--a boss who doesn't yell. In other dealings today, I heard a manager yell at an employee, "I'm busy, leave me alone!" - "But there's a young lady waiting..." - "I know she's here!" [Let's just say, once I'm done with this warranty stuff, I think Office Max really has lost my business.] I feel really blessed to have a pleasant work environment where I get along with my coworkers and my boss and can feel comfortable at work each day.
I am also very grateful for the power of the Holy Ghost. I was thinking about a friend, Jenn Tolman, this morning. For those who follow my blog, you may remember this post. Jenn posted later this morning on Facebook: "8 months...feels like forever to me." In other words, today marks eight months since her brother's unexpected death. I don't believe it is coincidence that I thought of her this morning, even before I saw her post. I am truly grateful that the Holy Ghost can bring things and people to mind and guide us in small ways to offer help and support to those who may need it.

28 November 2012. I am grateful for a great ward and especially for a wonderful bishop and bishopric. The bishop wanted to see me tonight just to find out how I'm doing. I am so grateful to know that the bishopric and their wives are genuinely concerned about individuals in the ward. It's really nice to feel loved and appreciated.

29 November 2012. I am grateful for new life, especially for a beautiful new niece, Amanda Lorraine Stevenson. I am sooo excited to meet her tomorrow. I am grateful for unseasonably warm weather. And I am grateful for a new computer! I just got it set up. I think I'm going to like it. :) And once again I'm grateful for the cloud. It's amazing how much Google can do; just by setting up and signing into Chrome, I have all my favorites back.

30 November 2012. I am grateful for Cheerios. It sounds silly, maybe, but it's something I was able to eat today. I'm also grateful for a comfortable bed, and for books and movies to keep me entertained when I'm not up to anything else. I'm especially grateful for the comfortable bed; it seems like I've spent the whole day either reading or dozing. And I'm grateful for health and that I am normally pretty healthy. It's easy to take it for granted until I get sick, but I really am grateful to be generally healthy and hope this bug goes away soon.

Give! said the little stream

This simple Primary song took on a new meaning for me today. If you've never heard it before (or even if you have), you can listen to it here.

We always seem to think about the stream giving and giving and giving. But taken as a whole, there's a deeper message.

We each have times in our lives where we feel like we've given. A lot. Sometimes we wonder where who will give to us, especially when we're feeling most down. Sometimes it feels like no one will. A comment made me consider what happens "behind the scenes" in this simple song.

A stream can't just "give away, oh, give away." It has to receive something. Through rain, snow, etc., it must continually be replenished. If it is not, it will dry up. It only has so much to give, unless it also continues to receive.

I guess it's significant, then, that the rain comes in the next verse. It doesn't just raise the drooping heads of the flowers. It replenishes the stream, so it can also continue giving. And even the flowers continue to give: they give joy and beauty.

"Give, then, as Jesus gives.... There is something all can give." Often it isn't very big. In fact, many times it will be very small. But there is something all can give. Everyone. You. Me. The old. The young. Everyone!

And as I was reminded today, it is as we all give that we build a Zion community. In building a Zion community, we become more like our Savior, Jesus Christ. We learn to love as He loves. We give and receive replenishment, strengthening each other. "Give," said the little stream. Because if you and I don't give, the stream that tries so hard to give will eventually run dry. "Give," said the little stream. "Give, then, as Jesus gives." Because Jesus Christ is not among us now. Because we must be His hands on earth in serving each other. One person cannot do it alone, but imagine a world where each person recognized his neighbors' needs! Imagine a world where Zion was truly established: "And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them." (Pearl of Great Price, Moses 7:18) Imagine that world! Then do what you can to bring that world into being. It is possible if we all heed the counsel of the little stream. :)

"Die Gedanken sind frei!" (Thoughts are free... or are they?)

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Do these words sound familiar? What do they mean to you?

We do know that freedom of speech has not been interpreted to allow for slander and libel. Fair enough. It should not cause harm to others.

However, there is also another extreme. Freedom of speech does not mean, "You are free to voice your opinion as long as I agree with you." What kind of freedom is that? I have been taught all my life to think and decide for myself. I will not be force-fed what the government or others think I should believe. Nor should anyone else.

I have chosen to boycott businesses or groups for specific reasons. It does not mean I seek to attack them. I quietly boycotted Girl Scout cookies this year after learning some things I didn't like. I know there are many who would disagree with that decision. However, if someone had sought to prevent them from spreading, I would have been up-in-arms with the rest. Not because I support their stance on everything, but because I still believe in the American dream. I will fight for free speech, for a free enterprise system. I will fight for the America I love.

I was not among those who went to Chick-Fil-A yesterday. I hate crowds. I don't typically feel the need to follow the crowd. (I showed my support last Friday, even if it was alone and quietly.) But the attacks on Chick-Fil-A and on those who went out to show their support bother me. Over and over again I see increasing intolerance... in the name of tolerance.

As with freedom of speech, tolerance does not mean, "I will be tolerant as long as I agree with you." However, the two must go hand in hand. Consider this: I can express my disagreement without hating you! And I will listen to your opinions insofar as they are not harmful to me. I do not handle conflict well, and never have, but this does not mean I will not listen to others' opinions. But though I listen, neither tolerance nor free speech mean I have to agree with you, or that you have to agree with me.

I have never had a bad experience at Chick-Fil-A. Their employees are trained to be very courteous. I believe their customer service is far better than most other places'. So what is the problem? A man voiced his opinion. I have never witnessed discrimination on the part of this man or any of the employees of his company. I do not believe he would refuse to hire someone because their views or practices differed from his. That would not be Christian. He simply said he supports the traditional definition of family. Guess what? He exercised two rights there: freedom of religion, and freedom of speech. He did not say he would refuse service to people or avoid hiring them. What he said did not cause anyone harm or infringe on anyone's rights.

My choice to go out of my way to support Chick-Fil-A last week was not in reaction to Dan Cathy's comments. I agree with his stance on marriage and family, but that is by no means the only reason I choose to purchase fast food. My decision to go came after I read about the reactions to his statement. Mayors can ban an owner from expanding into their city because he does not hold the same beliefs they do? That, my friend, is not democracy. That is communism. If allowed, I would expect the speedy downfall of the country I love. My decision to go was to exercise my right to free speech, and to support not only one man's right to free speech, but all Americans' right to free speech.

I hear tell of a possible "kiss-in" at Chick-Fil-A tomorrow. I suppose the intent is to keep people away, to reduce business? Well, I won't be there. But since many are comparing this to the peaceful sit-ins of the '60s... so be it. I won't be there to witness it, but on the same token I won't try to stop it. Let me just say, quite frankly, that I would be just as uncomfortable being there if it were a lot of heterosexual couples holding a kiss-in. PDA is gross, inappropriate, and uncomfortable for many people. It certainly doesn't support families of any kind.

I know I have often voiced my opinion on gay marriage. I cannot support it. But this does not mean that I hate people whose life decisions are different from my own. I know I may be opening myself up to a lot of attacks. I hope that isn't the case. Even if your opinion differs from mine, the foundation upon which this country is built must allow us to agree to disagree on many points. Tolerance must be extended to all, or it is not tolerance.

Mostly I feel a lot of sadness in the decline of values that our country has proudly held up for so many years. Reverse discrimination is still discrimination. Infringing on the freedom of speech of someone not part of a "minority" group is still infringing on freedom of speech. When someone says something we don't like, let us respectfully agree to disagree.

Independence: Celebrating a Great Nation

Elder Christoffel Golden was in our ward on Sunday. He shared his testimony at the end of sacrament meeting, and he shared a few thoughts that I jotted down. (Keep in mind, he is from South Africa. He is not American.) To paraphrase what he said: Never hang your head in shame. This is a great nation. This generation has the responsibility to build upon the great work of previous generations.

Celebrating Independence Day points first to the Declaration of Independence, penned and signed by men with the courage and conviction to assert their rights: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." It brings to mind such people as Patrick Henry, whose words we have heard quoted: "Give me liberty, or give me death!" So many people did sacrifice--home, family, and many their lives--to gain independence.

But it didn't end there. The following decade, delegates from each of the colonies gathered to create a Constitution. This Constitution was carefully considered and penned by men with a love of liberty and a desire to extend this liberty to others. I believe that it was inspired of God. "We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America." They did not seek only to establish a Constitution and government that would benefit them. With faith, hope, and vision, they established a government that would "secure the Blessings of Liberty" to many generations to follow!

In the more than two centuries since that time, the United States has endured wars and natural disasters. It has been a beacon to many of other nations who sought liberty. This country has faced both good and bad. It will continue to face both. But let us not hang our heads in shame! This is a great nation!

As I look to the past, I cannot help feeling gratitude not only to the Founders of this nation, but to so may others. I feel gratitude to those who have helped to preserve and continue to help preserve it. Thank you to our military! I feel gratitude to my own ancestors, those who came with the Mormon pioneers, as well as to my maternal grandparents who themselves are immigrants. Each of them gave up a life they knew to follow a dream and create a new life for themselves and their posterity. Because of them, I can claim this nation as my own, the land of my birth.

In the lesser-sung verses of our national anthem, it speaks of a "heaven-rescued land" where "this be our motto: In God is our trust." This nation has been preserved as we put our trust in God, as we stand united, and as we praise Him for His protection. As we acknowledge Him and serve Him, He will continue to preserve and bless us, individually and as a nation. We, today, have the responsibility to build upon the great work of previous generations, that God may continue to bless the USA. I love this country! God bless America!

[Just a quick note, for those who have the time, most of the hyperlinks above lead to patriotic songs on youtube. Enjoy!]

Additional thoughts (as promised)

After posting last night that I don't usually cry... I came really close, after all. I teared up a little tonight. I can't even blame Ty. He was emotional even before the performance tonight, but I had no idea that he was crying during the performance. (That takes skills to continue conducting with tears in your eyes...) I watched his hand pretty carefully, but I guess I wasn't too focused on his face. Something about the music just really hit home tonight.

I don't know how to describe it. I don't know what changed. Last night was fantastic, too. Maybe it helped that I went to the temple this afternoon, before our performance. I don't know. But something about the music spoke to my heart and my soul in a way that it hasn't before.

I can't help thinking that part of it is the physical conditions. I know it may sound funny, but nobody has an easy time standing in one place for that long. I was initially worried that the second night of it would be harder. I certainly offered my own prayers not just for help in singing and carrying the message, but that I'd have the strength and energy necessary to stand through the entire performance again. It's amazing what faith and the help of the Spirit can do. :) I don't think it was easier than last night, but I made it, and I actually feel a lot less stiff than last night.

So how does it all relate? It comes back to the message being carried by the Spirit, first to the hearts of the choir and through us to our audience. It comes back to the atonement and the power to change hearts. I think perhaps there was a small, almost imperceptible change in me today. And yet not just in me. In the unity of the choir. In the love and gratitude we were each expressing--choir, soloists, orchestra, narrators, director--for our Savior and for His atonement. However small that was, whatever changed, I felt it tonight.

I need to bear testimony again. I know that Jesus Christ lives. I know He is the Son of God. I know His atonement has made it possible for me to return to Him. I know I can be strengthened and blessed each day. As Paul told the Philippians: "I can do all things in Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13) I have faith that Christ's atonement can and does strengthen and heal us, both physically and spiritually. I don't pretend to understand. I don't believe my mortal mind ever will. I'm still not really sure I know what was different tonight. But something was, and I feel so grateful for the opportunity to have strengthened my own testimony while sharing my testimony of Jesus Christ with others.

Lamb of God

While I should probably be going to bed, I have thoughts going through my head that I'd like to share. Tonight was our first performance of Rob Gardner's "Lamb of God." It was not perfect, but it went well.  Most importantly the Spirit was there to bear witness of the atonement, the crucifixion, and the resurrection. As powerful as the music is, the Holy Ghost is responsible for carrying the message and our testimonies to the audience.

It has been a pleasure to be a part of preparing for and now of performing this oratorio. As I've told Ty (our director) several times during the last few months, I need music in my life. I believe it is because good music speaks to my soul. And while I love the opportunity to sit back and listen, there's a certain joy and excitement that comes from participating. (Along with that, there's a certain surprise that comes from waking up to a song in my head, not because I fall asleep with an iPod--I don't--but because I've been listening to it so much that apparently it's also in my dreams.)

The musical portrayal of the last week of Jesus Christ's life through His resurrection has helped me to ponder on His great sacrifice. Someone asked me tonight how I could sing that without crying. Those who know me well will know that I do not often cry. It does not mean that I am not touched. The music did speak to my soul and stirred varying emotions. Much of it is sobering, as I ponder the atonement and crucifixion, the anguish Peter must have felt after denying that he knew Christ. Other songs portray a magnificence and grandeur that can only be associated with Jesus Christ, the Messiah, the Savior of the world... the Lamb of God. I can only imagine the joy Mary Magdalene felt when she learned that her Savior had indeed risen from the dead! I hope I can offer the same love and worship that the disciples did when they saw the risen Lord.

The message of hope is strung through the entire oratorio. Even in the sadness felt at Christ's death, I could feel the hope. This is the gospel: that Christ is risen from the dead! But is His resurrection not more significant because of the sacrifice He made on my behalf? Because He willingly laid down His life and rose again from the dead, I too will rise again. Because He suffered in Gethsemane, I can be forgiven of my sins. Because my Savior broke the bands of death, I have hope in a glorious resurrection morning: a morning when I will be reunited with so many loved ones who have gone before. A morning when there will be no darkness, no pain and suffering, no sorrow. A morning of such beauty that my mortal mind cannot comprehend it. Here is hope: that Christ suffered for my sins, died on the cross, and rose again the third day.

This is the gospel of Jesus Christ! This is the message His disciples seek to share with the world. This is hope and love. Why do I need tears when the gospel message is one of such amazing peace and joy? I truly am grateful for the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ. I know He lives. I know He is my Savior, the promised Messiah. Above all else, I know He lives! I can't say it enough, because it is the foundation of my faith. I feel His love. I believe we were all able to share that testimony through the music and narration tonight (and will again tomorrow), and I'm grateful to have had this opportunity.

[As a brief note, I may add more tomorrow or Sunday after our last performance. I just needed to take a few minutes now to share thoughts and testimony.]

Mourn with those that mourn

I've had a lot going through my mind today. I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the gospel of Jesus Christ, as my heart aches for the Tolman family and for the young woman who hit and killed Andrew Tolman last night. I didn't know Andrew, but I know his sister Jenn. It was through her sweet post of gratitude this morning that I made the connection between a teenage boy killed in a crosswalk in Farmington last night and the death of her brother.

I'm not sure I really understood before today what it means to mourn with those that mourn. It breaks my heart to think of a young man with a bright future whose life was taken prematurely, but even more so to think of those who are left behind. Until I began to consider things from a gospel perspective, it was hard to understand why I felt so affected. Jenn is a great friend, the type of person who is eager to do anything she can for anyone, but we haven't talked much since the singles' wards were reorganized last spring. I never knew Andrew. Why was I feeling it so strongly?

Perhaps it is partly personal experience. I never knew my own brother, Robby, in mortality, either. But I know what it is to lose a little brother. Of course it was a different experience, and I can't pretend to know exactly how Jenn and her family are feeling right now.

But I believe there is more to it than just what I have experienced. The more I've thought about it, the more gratitude I feel for Jesus Christ and for His gospel and His atonement. The people who were baptized in the waters of Mormon covenanted "to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life" (Mosiah 18:9). They did not covenant to feel sorry for each other, or to mourn for each other. They covenanted to mourn with each other. We also make this covenant at baptism. I just don't think I've ever felt it so strongly before.

It also turned my thoughts to the atonement. This is not directly my pain or sorrow, but it has been a very real sorrow today. In the same way, my pain and sorrow is not directly Christ's. But He has suffered all that I have and will suffer. As Isaiah prophesied: "He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed" (Isaiah 53:3-5). It is no coincidence that Abinadi had shared these verses just a few chapters earlier, in Mosiah 14. The Savior has borne any griefs, any pain or sorrow that we can feel. In becoming like Him, He asks us to bear one another's burdens, to mourn with one another. As He can lighten and remove our sorrows, so we can provide support for each other, lighten and lift burdens, answer prayers.

In short, we can learn charity. I remember the first time I heard someone present the idea that if charity is the pure love of Christ, there are still 3 possible (and all correct) interpretations: love for Christ, love from Christ, and love like Christ. In asking us to mourn with those that mourn, Christ is offering the opportunity to learn charity. We can begin to understand His perfect, unconditional love. But this is only the beginning. I cannot imagine how much He suffered, not just to experience my pain and to take upon Him my sins, but to take upon Himself the pain and the sins of all mankind. I cannot imagine how great His love is, how great our Heavenly Father's love is, for all of us as His children. I only know that my Savior loves me enough to have prepared a way for me to return to Him.

I am so grateful for the atonement and the resurrection, for the knowledge that because of the plan of salvation that families are forever. We will be reunited with those we love. I trust that the Tolman family is also finding comfort in this knowledge at this time. I am touched by the number of posts I have seen offering love, expressing heartbreak. I believe all of these people are reflecting back the love they have felt from this family in their own lives.

I hope and pray that the Tolmans may find peace and comfort in the midst of their sorrow and mourning. I pray also for the woman who hit Andrew. She must also be feeling great pain. I pray that we may all seek to reflect the love of God to those with whom we come in contact, that the same love may be reflected back to us at the times when we most need it.

I express my gratitude again for the atonement. I love my Savior and am so grateful for all He has done for me and for all mankind. I know that He lives, and that because He lives that I will live again. Andrew will live again, and he and his family will be reunited. We will see those we love again. I know that Jesus Christ has prepared the way for us to return to Him. We will also be reunited with Him and with our Heavenly Father if we will follow the example Christ has set for us. I know this to be true, and I find such peace in knowing there is purpose in both life and death. The day will come when our sorrows will be turned to joy.

Sweet forgiving

Our sacrament hymn to day was "In Humility, Our Savior." I found myself thinking about the first two lines of the second verse:

"Fill our hearts with sweet forgiving;

Teach us tolerance and love."

It struck me that the sacrament is not just about obtaining forgiveness, but about learning to forgive others. I love those words "sweet forgiving." There is a sweetness that comes, not just when we are forgiven of our own sins, but also when we can let go of anger, pride, and hurt and forgive those who may have wronged us.

Just as I must pray for the Lord to forgive me of my sins, at times I have had to pray for the strength and humility to forgive another. Christ's atonement covers this, as well. And there is such a peace--indeed, sweetness--that comes from forgiving. Often when this is the case, the person may not even have realized that he/she had hurt me. But I have learned that when I choose to be hurt--well, quite frankly, it hurts! It doesn't hurt the other person. And it doesn't just leave me feeling emotionally down. Whether the other person is oblivious or unrepentant, choosing to harbor a grudge, to feel hurt or offended, hurts my spirit and drives away the Spirit of the Lord. I can't always turn around and be "buddies" with that person, but by letting go of my hurt and seeking the Lord's help to forgive, I find peace with myself and with the Lord. And this is the peace that I most need in my life. This is the peace that will allow me to draw nearer to Jesus Christ and to become more like Him. This is the peace that comes from following the Lord's teachings and inviting the Holy Ghost into my life: the peace that can come only through the companionship of the Holy Ghost.

As I thought about this, one of the speakers in sacrament meeting shared a couple of quotes that related very well. First was, "Anything we can change, we should change, and we must forgive the rest." Pretty self-explanatory. The other was Matthew 11:28-30:

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

How easily this can be applied to forgiveness! And not just to giving up our own sins, but to forgiving others. When I do not forgive immediately, it really is as if I were carrying a heavy burden. I cannot feel happy. But as I choose to take Christ's yoke upon me, things change. I must still lift a burden, as it were. I must make an effort to let go, to forgive, even to love. I must pray for the strength to forgive. But as I take up the Lord's yoke instead of continuing to carry my own burden, I find peace and joy that can come only from following the counsel of the Lord. It looks difficult to change and to choose right, but as we do it, we are entitled to the help of the Lord and to the companionship of the Holy Ghost, and we learn that Christ's yoke is easy, and His burden is light.

Back to the words of the hymn:

In humility, our Savior,

Grant thy Spirit here, we pray,

As we bless the bread and water

In thy name this holy day.

Let me not forget, O Savior,

Thou didst bleed and die for me

When thy heart was stilled and broken

On the cross at Calvary.

Fill our hearts with sweet forgiving;

Teach us tolerance and love.

Let our prayers find access to thee

In thy holy courts above.

Then, when we have proven worthy

Of thy sacrifice divine,

Lord, let us regain thy presence;

Let thy glory round us shine.

How grateful I am for the atonement of Jesus Christ, for the knowledge that He has already borne my burdens: sins, sorrows, sicknesses, and anything else I may experience. I am grateful for a gospel of peace and love and forgiveness. I am grateful for the invitation to take His yoke upon me. I must demonstrate that I am willing to take His yoke upon me, but I also know that He will help and guide me as I do so. Jesus Christ lives, and He has overcome all things, that we might also overcome all things!

For whom the bell tolls

No, not Hemingway. John Donne. For the full text, see Meditation XVII. In Relief Society today, we discussed what are probably the most quoted lines: "No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less., as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were: any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

We related this to the lesson, of course, which was "Love thy neighbor as thyself." We began and ended with these lines, and I had some thoughts as we ended that I wanted to share. Too bad we ran out of time there, but I have time here. :)

We discussed the obvious: the bell tolls for thee because nothing can happen to your neighbor without it in some way affecting you. When a piece of mankind is lost, in a way you lose a piece of yourself.

As the lesson ended, however, and we heard the words once more, "And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee," I couldn't help thinking that it could also be a call to action. In many cases, the bell tolling did represent someone's loss. But it could also be considered a cry for help. It tolls for thee (or it tolls for me!) could mean that you (I!) am being asked to step up in someone else's loss and offer those things that he or she needs most--whether it be a shoulder to cry on, a physical gift, or any other offering of love. The bell tolls for me not just because I should feel sorrow, but because I can offer service to those who may be hurting most. The bell tolls to alert us to the needs of others. In this way, we can truly be involved in mankind!

I have liked John Donne's writing since I was first introduced to a piece or two (including this one, of course!) in high school. I like his expressions of faith and the sense that he truly was involved in mankind. I am grateful for the many examples of Christianity who have gone before, and I hope that I can also develop these Christlike attributes and show greater charity to those with whom I come in contact.

What does the Book of Mormon mean to YOU?

We are studying the Book of Mormon in Gospel Doctrine (Sunday School) this year, and this question was posed in class today. The teacher suggested we go home and think about it, and it seemed like a perfect blog post.

I can't possibly convey all my thoughts and feelings about the Book of Mormon. I may make other similar posts throughout this year as we continue through the Sunday School course. The most important thing to me is that I know that it is true, that it is another testament of Jesus Christ, and that it brings people--that it brings me closer to Christ.

Every Book of Mormon prophet, both before and after Christ's birth, testified of Jesus Christ and of His life and ministry. They testified of the atonement and of the resurrection. They testified that salvation comes only in and through the name of Christ. And yet these were ordinary men. Like Paul in the New Testament, several prophets in the Book of Mormon also turned from persecuting the Church of Christ to accepting, believing, and preaching the words of Christ. These men stand as examples to us, now, reminding us that though we are imperfect, we can come unto Christ, repent, and seek to follow Him, and that we can one day be perfected in Him.

The crowning event of the Book of Mormon is Jesus Christ's visit to the people of what we now know as the Americas. He came to them following His resurrection. He taught them, just as He taught the people in the Holy Land. He healed their sick. He blessed their children. He taught them to pray. He organized His Church among them.

What does the Book of Mormon mean to me? It means that Heavenly Father loves all of His children. It means that just as Jesus Christ organized His Church in the Holy Land, He also organized it among the people on the American continent, and He has restored His gospel to the earth in these latter days. The gospel of Jesus Christ is available to all people, regardless of race, gender, or economic position. God is no respecter of persons, so it seems only logical that He would extend the blessings of the gospel to all people who will accept it.

The Book of Mormon means that God has provided a way for me to come unto Him. He has made it possible for me to study and learn His word. He wants me to know that He sent His Son to atone for my sins. He wants me to share this knowledge. As I read and study and ponder the Book of Mormon, I invite the Holy Ghost to be a part of my life.

The Book of Mormon means that God has begun to gather scattered Israel, to prepare the world for the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. I have faith that Christ was born in Bethlehem, ministered to the Israelites of His day, atoned for my sins, gave His life on the cross, and rose again the third day. I have faith that He manifested His resurrected body to His disciples in Israel as well as in the Americas. I have faith that He will come again in glory. I find great joy in this faith and knowledge.

This is what the Book of Mormon means to me: peace through the Spirit, joy in the redemption of mankind, the love of God, and a faith in Christ and a hope for things to come.

I bear testimony that the Book of Mormon is the word of God, and that it will bring us nearer to God. I know it is true. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.