Decisions, Decisions

To add to necessary decision-making, I have been debating whether or not to post these thoughts. I believe I will now, not because I want to complain or ask for sympathy (I don't!), but because I know there are others whose feelings are much the same as mine, though our individual stories differ. I've read some similar thoughts recently, and I've talked with friends and acquaintances whose feelings and desires are much the same.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about various things—specifically how my life has not necessarily gone how I had planned or hoped or dreamed. Now, I’m not saying that I’m unhappy with where I am or with the things I have been able to do. Honestly, my life is pretty good. And I know I’ve been able to offer help to family and friends, to join activities on the spur of the moment, to do many things that I might not be able to do if I had my dream and were a wife and a mother. However, as the days go by, I find that my greatest desire becomes more and more unreachable... and yet the desire has not decreased, and I also still feel that I would readily give up everything for it. Sometimes I feel a lot like Rapunzel in Tangled: “When will my life begin?” To paraphrase the title of a blog I saw early this week, I am happy with my life... but I also can't help feeling that there is something missing.

I think part of the reason I’ve been thinking so much is because I struggle with making major life decisions. Does anyone find it easy, though? And there are so many decisions I never planned on making alone…

I do realize that marriage is a major life decision, which impacts both the present and eternity. The difference is that I have always planned on making that decision. But as time goes on, I wonder whether I will have an opportunity to make that decision.

All through Young Women, we were taught the importance of marriage and motherhood. Education was also emphasized, and for me that was also a given. So until just before I turned 21, my life was pretty well planned out. Were there still decisions to make? Certainly, but they all fell within a track that I had always planned to follow. I left home to study, I enjoyed my time at school, and I completed my bachelor’s degree.

At that point, I still wasn’t entirely at a loss for what to do next. I had always considered serving a mission as a possibility at least, and sometime during my studies I began to feel strongly that it was what I should do. But this also brought its challenges. I was prepared to go and had my papers completed in early May 2004—three months before my 21st birthday. Because of circumstances outside of my control, I was not able to begin serving until July 2005. During that time of waiting, I often found myself wondering what my next step should be. What if it didn’t work out, despite the strong impressions I continued to have that serving a mission was the right choice for me? What was I going to do?

When I was finally called, it was as a service missionary in Family and Church History. Because of this (the timing and the fact that it was a service mission), my original plan was to serve for a year. This made sense, since I had graduated with a teaching certificate and would need time to find a job. But as the end of that year approached, I found myself once again faced with a decision, and nothing felt quite right. I looked at the options for teaching and sent out my teaching portfolio to a couple of school districts, including one where I knew there was a German teacher leaving her position. I never heard from any of them. I toyed with the idea of going back to BYU to get a master’s degree there. But I wasn’t sure of that, either. In the meantime, I received an unquestionable answer through the Holy Ghost that I was to extend my mission for another 6 months. I did that eagerly, knowing that there was a good chance I would never teach after that, and not knowing for sure what would come next.

Somewhere during that time, I also realized how much I enjoyed the work I was doing. I began to hope that there might be a small possibility of being hired on after my mission and continuing the work I was already doing. In this, too, I did not know anything immediately, although ultimately I was not disappointed. After extending my mission, I finished just before Christmas 2006. I spent the holiday with my family, and it was not until a day or two before coming back to Salt Lake that I received a call letting me know I would have a temporary (six month) position. Until then, I had once again been wondering where I would go and what I would do next.

Since I only had a temporary position, I tried to put out some feelers during those six months, watching for other job openings in the Family History Department (things I might actually qualify for…), as well as applying for a couple of openings at the public library. Again, nothing: not even a courtesy email or phone call to let me know I had not been chosen. I was searching myself, wondering again where I might be able to go next, hoping it would be somewhere I would enjoy. Thankfully, I was eventually hired on permanently, but I was again left hanging; HR actually extended my temp position by a couple of weeks, and at the end of that time, I finally received a full-time offer.

This sounds like a lot of blessings, and I will definitely admit that such is the case. But part of the reason this was difficult for me is because I had never really planned on looking for a career. My youngest sister asked me a few years ago, “When you were my age, did you know what you wanted to be when you grew up?” I told her no, but that wasn’t entirely true; my mom overheard and answered, “Yes. A mother.” And it’s true.

So here I am, and I’m facing another decision. One I never imagined having to make. I turn 31 next summer, which means the end of being a “young single adult” in the Church. So what’s next? I’m not eager to go to a mid-single’s ward. They’re too big, and I don’t want to feel like I’m required to have a car just to go to a ward, anyway. What then? I would love to be in a ward where I could serve in Primary or Young Women’s. But for where I live now, that would require special permission, since the family wards in the local stake are typically only for those who have families. I’ve seriously considered moving. But it scares me. Besides, right now I live in a perfect location for work, for many activities of various kinds, for attending the temple, for visiting the Family History Library, and so forth. If I move, I’ll have to commute to work. I’ll have to have much more careful planning for attending the temple and for any evening activities. I may have to get a car.

And so I feel a little lost. On the one hand, it would be really nice to buy a house, to have a place that is truly my own. On the other hand… well, let’s just say that it is not a decision I ever planned to make alone. And when it comes right down to it, there are so many things I wouldn’t be able to take care of on my own: from things as simple as changing a light bulb, on to bigger things like caring for a yard and shoveling snow.

So what do I do? Where do I go from here? As I’ve already said, I would willingly give up what I have now to marry and have a family. That has always been my dream. But it may never happen; I’m gradually becoming resigned to that, though I hate the idea of going through the rest of life alone.

Perhaps I feel a bit like Zacharias and Elisabeth, who say in the production Savior of the World that they have not given up hope, but that they have given up their demands. I can't demand that the Lord give me my desires--not even when they are righteous desires. But I can continue to hope and pray and trust in Him, that (to quote Zacharias and Elisabeth in Savior of the World again), "He will fulfill His promises... in His own due time."

Until then, I guess I have some decisions to make. Alone. Not without prayer. Not without seeking advice where I feel I need it. But still alone.

My own Advent Calendar?

Last year I looked for "Christmas good" during the month of December. This year, instead, I will make it an extension of the gratitude posts from November. However, as we approach our celebration of Christ's birth, instead of just expressing gratitude for anything and everything, I will specifically be looking for those blessings, each day, that come because of Jesus Christ.

1 December 2013. I am blessed to have been able to partake of the sacrament today (and each Sunday). Because of Jesus Christ's atonement and because of the covenants I have made with Him, I can repent, renew my covenants, and draw nearer to Him. "And he took bread, and gave thanks, and brake it, and gave unto them, saying, This is my body which is given for you: this do in remembrance of me. Likewise also the cup after supper, saying, This cup is the new testament in my blood, which is shed for you" (New Testament, Luke 22:19-20).

2 December 2013. I am blessed to feel joy in the love of the Lord each day, to know that He desires my well-being and wants me to progress and draw nearer to Him. "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved" (New Testament, John 3:16-17). "And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?" (Book of Mormon, Alma 5:26).

3 December 2013. I am blessed to be able to study the words of the Savior, Jesus Christ, in the scriptures each day--specifically right now in the New Testament--and to learn more of Him and of His divine attributes and of the path to eternal life. "Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away? Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life" (New Testament, John 6:67-68). "For my soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them, and writeth them for the learning and the profit of my children" (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 4:15).

4 December 2013. I am blessed to have the Gift of the Holy Ghost, to be allowed to have the Spirit of the Lord as a constant companion if I strive to follow Him. "But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid" (New Testament, John 14:26-27). "And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things" (Book of Mormon, Moroni 10:5).

5 December 2013. I am blessed to have moral agency: the freedom to choose between right and wrong, to choose to follow Jesus Christ. This was Heavenly Father's plan, in which Christ volunteered to be our Savior. This is the plan I chose, and I am still blessed with this moral agency. "And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given. Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself" (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:26-27).

6 December 2013. I am blessed to have the words of living prophets, from which I can study and learn. Prophets teach of Jesus Christ, testify of Him, and prepare us for His coming--the same now as in ancient days. "Surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets" (Old Testament, Amos 3:7). "Search these commandments, for they are true and faithful, and the prophecies and promises which are in them shall all be fulfilled. What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same" (Doctrine & Covenants 1:37-38).

7 December 2013. I am blessed to live in a beautiful world, where I can experience sunrises and sunsets, seasons, and so much variety that contributes to the beauty. I know all light and beauty originates in Jesus Christ. "In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth" (Old Testament, Genesis 1:1). "All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made" (New Testament, John 1: 3). "That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God" (Doctrine & Covenants 76:24).

8 December 2013. I am blessed to have music in my life--right now Christmas music, especially. This isn't as a big a stretch as it might seem. After all, Jesus Christ created this earth, including birds that sing. And he created us, humans, with voices, with the ability to create and play instruments. And in many, many instances, music is intended to praise the Lord. I know of no better way to praise the Lord than in song, which also lifts me and helps me feel nearer to Him. "Praise ye the Lord. Praise God in his sanctuary: praise him in the firmament of his power. Praise him for his mighty acts: praise him according to his excellent greatness. Praise him with the sound of the trumpet: praise him with the psaltery and harp. Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs. Praise him upon the loud cymbals: praise him upon the high sounding cymbals. Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord. Praise ye the Lord" (Psalm 150).

9 December 2013. I am blessed simply to be alive and to experience so many different things each day, to have the opportunity to learn and grow and progress and eventually to return to Heavenly Father. He placed me here on earth so that I can someday return to Him and become like Him. "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them" (Old Testament, Genesis 1:26-27). "For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Pearl of Great Price, Moses 1:39).

10 December 2013. I am blessed to be able to see, and especially to experience light. Sometimes I forget how important light is to my happiness until the dreary winter sets in again. Jesus Christ is the light of the world, through Whom all things are illuminated. It is significant that we celebrate the birth of the Light of the World during the darkest part of the year (at least in the Northern hemisphere). "Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life" (New Testament, John 8:12). "He is the light and the life of the world; yea, a light that is endless, that can never be darkened; yea, and also a life which is endless, that there can be no more death" (Book of Mormon, Mosiah 16:9). "Hearken and listen to the voice of him who is from all eternity to all eternity, the Great I Am, even Jesus Christ— The light and the life of the world; a light which shineth in darkness and the darkness comprehendeth it not" (Doctrine & Covenants 39:1-2).

11 December 2013. I am blessed to see, receive, and give service. As with many things, Jesus Christ was the perfect example of service. Here are just a couple of illustrations of His service: "And great multitudes came unto him, having with them those that were lame, blind, dumb, maimed, and many others, and cast them down at Jesus’ feet; and he healed them: somuch that the multitude wondered, when they saw the dumb to speak, the maimed to be whole, the lame to walk, and the blind to see: and they glorified the God of Israel" (New Testament, Matthew 15:30-31). "And he commanded the multitude to sit down on the grass, and took the five loaves, and the two fishes, and looking up to heaven, he blessed, and brake, and gave the loaves to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude. And they did all eat, and were filled: and they took up of the fragments that remained twelve baskets full" (New Testament, Matthew 14:19-20).

12 December 2013. I am blessed to experience joy--other emotions as well, but especially joy! "And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men" (New Testament, Luke 2:8-14). "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy" (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:25).

13 December 2013. I am blessed to be able to breathe. I know this goes along with being alive, but sometimes I take it for granted. Then we experience an inversion, including terrible air quality, and I am reminded again of what a blessing it is that I can breathe. "And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul" (Old Testament, Genesis 2:7). "I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants" (Book of Mormon, Mosiah 2:21).

14 December 2013. I am blessed to find peace--an inner peace that comes from placing faith in Jesus Christ, even when all around us is uncertain. "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men" (New Testament, Luke 2:14). "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid" (New Testament, John 14:27). "Peace, peace be unto you, because of your faith in my Well Beloved, who was from the foundation of the world" (Book of Mormon, Helaman 5:47).

15 December 2013. I am blessed to be part of a ward (congregation) where we, as friends, can study and learn the gospel of Jesus Christ together and support one another in our mutual goal to return to our Father in Heaven. "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them" (New Testament, Matthew 18:20). "Behold, it is my will, that all they who call on my name, and worship me according to mine everlasting gospel, should gather together, and stand in holy places" (Doctrine & Covenants 101:22).

16 December 2013. I am blessed to be able to pray--to know that my petitions, in the name of Jesus Christ, will be heard and answered. In this same vein, I am blessed to know that while the answers may not always be what I want, I will receive answers. "After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen" (New Testament, Matthew 6:9-13). "Whatsoever thing ye shall ask in faith, believing that ye shall receive in the name of Christ, ye shall receive it" (Book of Mormon, Enos 1:15).

17 December 2013. I am blessed to be a small part of the work of salvation, including that of redeeming the dead--extending the blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ to all people. "For for this cause was the gospel preached also to them that are dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit" (New Testament, 1 Peter 4:6). "Brethren, shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory! Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad. Let the earth break forth into singing. Let the dead speak forth anthems of eternal praise to the King Immanuel, who hath ordained, before the world was, that which would enable us to redeem them out of their prison; for the prisoners shall go free" (Doctrine & Covenants 128:22).

18 December 2013. I am blessed to be part of a community where people of various faiths join together in worship, each acknowledging Christ as the Savior and celebrating His birth. May we remember the things we have in common instead of focusing on our differences! "...They shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd" (New Testament, John 10:16). "And it came to pass in the thirty and sixth year, the people were all converted unto the Lord, upon all the face of the land, both Nephites and Lamanites, and there were no contentions and disputations among them, and every man did deal justly one with another. And they had all things common among them; therefore there were not rich and poor, bond and free, but they were all made free, and partakers of the heavenly gift" (Book of Mormon, 4 Nephi 1:2-3).

19 December 2013. I am blessed to have received ordinances of the gospel for myself and to be able to participate in these same ordinances again on behalf of others--helping them to progress, and being able to learn more myself. "Else what shall they do which are baptized for the dead, if the dead rise not at all? why are they then baptized for the dead?" (New Testament, 1 Corinthians 15:29). "Again I say, hearken ye elders of my church, whom I have appointed: Ye are not sent forth to be taught, but to teach the children of men the things which I have put into your hands by the power of my Spirit; And ye are to be taught from on high. Sanctify yourselves and ye shall be endowed with power, that ye may give even as I have spoken" (Doctrine & Covenants 43:15-16).

20 December 2013. I am blessed to have the commandments of the Lord by which to live my life--an unchanging standard by which to measure my commitment to my Savior and to His gospel. I am not perfect, but I have clear standards that allow me to see my progress and improve each day. "I am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me" (Old Testament, Exodus 20:2-3). "If ye love me, keep my commandments" (New Testament, John 14:15). "Seek to bring forth and establish my Zion. Keep my commandments in all things. And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God" (Doctrine & Covenants 14:6-7).

21 December 2013. I am blessed to have truth, and to have the means to study and learn and come to know the truth. "Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free" (New Testament, John 8:31-32). "Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me" (New Testament, John 14:6). "Now these sons of Mosiah were with Alma at the time the angel first appeared unto him; therefore Alma did rejoice exceedingly to see his brethren; and what added more to his joy, they were still his brethren in the Lord; yea, and they had waxed strong in the knowledge of the truth; for they were men of a sound understanding and they had searched the scriptures diligently, that they might know the word of God" (Book of Mormon, Alma 17:2).

22 December 2013. I am blessed with talents and the opportunity to share and develop them, often as a means of glorifying God, along with the ability to appreciate and enjoy others' talents. I know the talents in the parable in Matthew 25 were a form of money, but the concept applies to talents we develop in life, as well: "For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath" (New Testament, Matthew 25:29). "And all this for the benefit of the church of the living God, that every man may improve upon his talent, that every man may gain other talents, yea, even an hundred fold, to be cast into the Lord’s storehouse, to become the common property of the whole church-- Every man seeking the interest of his neighbor, and doing all things with an eye single to the glory of God" (Doctrine & Covenants 82:18-19).

23 December 2013. I am blessed to have the restored gospel in my life--restored through Joseph Smith under the direction of Jesus Christ. "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed" (New Testament, James 1:5-6). "I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me. It no sooner appeared than I found myself delivered from the enemy which held me bound. When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!" (Pearl of Great Price, Joseph Smith--History 1:16-17).

24 December 2013. I am blessed to be able to celebrate each Christmas Eve spending time with family, including listening to the story of the first Christmas as found in Luke--perhaps most especially the message of the angels to the shepherds, which clearly describes the mission of Jesus Christ. "And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men" (Luke 2:10-14). "Lift up your head and be of good cheer; for behold, the time is at hand, and on this night shall the sign be given, and on the morrow come I into the world, to show unto the world that I will fulfil all that which I have caused to be spoken by the mouth of my holy prophets. Behold, I come unto my own, to fulfil all things which I have made known unto the children of men from the foundation of the world, and to do the will, both of the Father and of the Son—of the Father because of me, and of the Son because of my flesh. And behold, the time is at hand, and this night shall the sign be given" (Book of Mormon, 3 Nephi 1:13-14).

25 December 2013. I am blessed to know of the eternal nature of families--that through the atonement of Jesus Christ and through covenants, I can be with my family not just for time, but for all eternity. "And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing: And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed" (Old  Testament, Genesis 12:2-3). "The Prophet Elijah was to plant in the hearts of the children the promises made to their fathers, Foreshadowing the great work to be done in the temples of the Lord in the dispensation of the fulness of times, for the redemption of the dead, and the sealing of the children to their parents, lest the whole earth be smitten with a curse and utterly wasted at his coming" (Doctrine & Covenants 138:47-48).

26 December 2013. I am blessed to be a small part of the Lord's work, which continues to roll forth throughout the earth. "And in the days of these kings shall the God of heaven set up a kingdom, which shall never be destroyed: and the kingdom shall not be left to other people, but it shall break in pieces and consume all these kingdoms, and it shall stand for ever. Forasmuch as thou sawest that the stone was cut out of the mountain without hands, and that it brake in pieces the iron, the brass, the clay, the silver, and the gold; the great God hath made known to the king what shall come to pass hereafter: and the dream is certain, and the interpretation thereof sure" (Old Testament, Daniel 2:44-45). "And now I say unto you, Refrain from these men, and let them alone: for if this counsel or this work be of men, it will come to nought: But if it be of God, ye cannot overthrow it; lest haply ye be found even to fight against God" (New Testament, Acts 5:38-39). "Now behold, a marvelous work is about to come forth among the children of men. Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day. Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work; For behold the field is white already to harvest; and lo, he that thrusteth in his sickle with his might, the same layeth up in store that he perisheth not, but bringeth salvation to his soul; And faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God, qualify him for the work. Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, diligence. Ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Amen" (Doctrine & Covenants 4:1-7).

27 December 2013. I am blessed to have parents, grandparents, and others who have taught me the gospel and faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ. "...When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also" (New Testament, 2 Timothy 1:5). "I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father; and having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God, therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my days" (Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi 1:1).

28 December 2013. I am blessed to know of the beauty of forgiveness (both giving and receiving), and of the peace that it brings, through the atonement of Jesus Christ. "And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy; Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee. And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth. And Jesus knowing their thoughts said, Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts? For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk? But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins, (then saith he to the sick of the palsy,) Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house. And he arose, and departed to his house" (New Testament, Matthew 9:2-7). "Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men. And ye ought to say in your hearts—let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds" (Doctrine & Covenants 64:9-11).

29 December 2013. I am blessed to see Christlike love manifest through His servants--through leaders here on earth, who show genuine interest and concern for their flock (His flock). "So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs. He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep. He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep" (New Testament, John 21:25-17). "Wherefore it came to pass that my father, Lehi, as he went forth prayed unto the Lord, yea, even with all his heart, in behalf of his people" (Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi 1:5).

30 December 2013. I am blessed to enjoy the beauty and wonder of creation--today, specifically, animals both large and small. "And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven. And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good. And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth. And the evening and the morning were the fifth day. And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so. And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good" (Old Testament, Genesis 1:20-25).

31 December 2013. I am blessed to see new beginnings: right now, the end of one year and the beginning of a new one. But there are also many other ways of beginning anew, including daily repentance. "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven" (Ecclesiastes 3:1). "Yea, repent and be baptized, every one of you, for a remission of your sins; yea, be baptized even by water, and then cometh the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost" (D&C 33:11).

Gratitude for the Atonement

I know I have a relatively small audience, so having a guest blogger might seem a little odd. However, a coworker and good friend, Joel Conte, shared the talk he gave yesterday with me this morning. I loved the pure doctrine and testimony of gratitude--specifically gratitude for the Atonement--so I asked permission to share it. I'll leave it to speak for itself. Enjoy!

Introduction

This month as we usher in the day of Thanksgiving, I have been reading daily expressions of gratitude from friends and family. In the same style of the Advent calendar for Christmas, each day I open the door to read messages of thanks like: Day 1: “I am thankful for health and family.” Day 11: “I am thankful for the veterans and armed forces who protect our freedoms”, and so on and so forth. A friend even encouraged me to join in the festivities of daily expressions of gratitude. While my initial reaction was to be a Scrooge, I knew deep down inside I have much to be thankful for. I thought I could sneak through the month as a “persona non grateful”. Somehow, God knew I needed to publicly express my thanks and granted me the blessing to speak before you today. Day 24: “I am thankful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ and for the blessings we receive because of it.”

Atonement

As used in the scriptures, to atone is to suffer the penalty for sins, thereby removing the effects of sin from the repentant sinner and allowing him or her to be reconciled to God. Jesus Christ was the only one capable of carrying out the Atonement for all mankind. Because of His Atonement, all people will be resurrected, and those who obey His gospel will receive the gift of eternal life with God. We have hope through the Atonement of Christ to be raised unto life eternal.

Jesus's atoning sacrifice took place in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross at Calvary. In Gethsemane He submitted to the will of the Father and began to take upon Himself the sins of all people. The Savior continued to suffer for our sins when He allowed Himself to be crucified—“lifted up upon the cross and slain for the sins of the world” (1 Nephi 11:33).

Jesus Christ redeems all people from the effects of the Fall [of Adam and Eve]. All people who have ever lived on the earth and who ever will live on the earth will be resurrected and brought back into the presence of God to be judged (see 2 Nephi 2:5-10; Helaman 14:15-17). Through the Savior's gift of mercy and redeeming grace, we will all receive the gift of immortality and live forever in glorified, resurrected bodies.

The Atonement of the Savior is the greatest event in history. President Gordon B. Hinckley declared: “No other act in all of human history compares with it. Nothing that has ever happened can match it. Totally unselfish and with unbounded love for all mankind, it became an unparalleled act of mercy for the whole human race.”

Gratitude for the Atonement

Gratitude is a feeling of appreciation and thankfulness for blessings or benefits we have received. As we cultivate a grateful attitude, we are more likely to be happy and spiritually strong. We should regularly express our gratitude to God for the blessings He gives us and to others for the kind acts they do for us.

If we understood the great love the Savior had for us when He atoned for our sins, we would always love Him, be grateful to Him, and keep His commandments.

As President Joseph Fielding Smith (1876–1972) observed:

“One of the greatest sins, both in magnitude and extent … is the sin of ingratitude. When we violate a commandment, no matter how small and insignificant we may think it to be, we show our ingratitude to our Redeemer. It is impossible for us to comprehend the extent of his suffering when he carried the burden of the sins of the whole world, a punishment so severe that we are informed that blood came from the pores of his body, and this was before he was taken to the cross. The punishment of physical pain coming from the nails driven in his hands and feet, was not the greatest of his suffering, excruciating as that surely was. The greater suffering was the spiritual and mental anguish coming from the load of our transgressions which he carried. If we understood the extent of that suffering and his suffering on the cross, surely none of us would willfully be guilty of sin. We would not give way to the temptations, the gratification of unholy appetites and desires and Satan could find no place in our hearts. As it is, whenever we sin, we show our ingratitude and disregard of the suffering of the Son of God by and through which we shall rise from the dead and live forever. If we really understood and could feel even to a small degree, the love and gracious willingness on the part of Jesus Christ to suffer for our sins we would be willing to repent of all our transgressions and serve him.”

The Virtues of the Atonement

As there is an opposition in all things, ingratitude is gratitude’s opposite. Gratitude is to Ingratitude as Humility is to Pride and as Selflessness is to Selfishness. As we choose to disobey our Heavenly Father’s commandments, we increase our ingratitude for the Savior’s Atonement. As we choose to ignore the mercy of the Savior’s sacrifice and boast of our own feats and fortune, we increase our pride. Pride became the downfall of the Nephites. Beware of ingratitude, pride, and selfishness. Because the Atonement enacted for us mercy, redemption, and eternal life, we are blessed with the desire to put into living practice the virtues of gratitude, humility, and selflessness.

Gratitude as a Virtue

Jesus taught about the virtue of gratitude through the account of His service to the ten lepers. In the book of Luke, chapter 17, we read:

Luke 17:12-19

12 And as he entered into a certain village, there met him ten men that were lepers, which stood afar off:

13 And they lifted up their voices, and said, Jesus, Master, have mercy on us.

14 And when he saw them, he said unto them, Go shew yourselves unto the priests. And it came to pass, that, as they went, they were cleansed.

15 And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, and with a loud voice glorified God,

16 And fell down on his face at his feet, giving him thanks: and he was a Samaritan.

17 And Jesus answering said, Were there not ten cleansed? but where are the nine?

18 There are not found that returned to give glory to God, save this stranger.

19 And he said unto him, Arise, go thy way: thy faith hath made thee whole.

President Thomas S. Monson taught:

“Through divine intervention, those who were lepers were spared from a cruel, lingering death and given a new lease on life. The expressed gratitude by one merited the Master’s blessing, the ingratitude shown by the nine His disappointment.”

Again, our living prophet warns of the undesirable effects of ingratitude:

“Like the leprosy of yesteryear are the plagues of today. They linger; they debilitate; they destroy. They are to be found everywhere. Their pervasiveness knows no boundaries. We know them as selfishness, greed, indulgence, cruelty, and crime, to identify but a few. Surfeited with their poison, we tend to criticize, to complain, to blame, and, slowly but surely, to abandon the positives and adopt the negatives of life.

We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues.”

Humility as a Virtue

The sermon of the unprofitable servant teaches humility as a virtue. King Benjamin in the Book of Mosiah depicts the ultimate example of humility:

Mosiah 2:20-22
20 I say unto you, my brethren, that if you should render all the thanks and praise which your whole soul has power to possess, to that God who has created you, and has kept and preserved you, and has caused that ye should rejoice, and has granted that ye should live in peace one with another—

21 I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants.

22 And behold, all that he requires of you is to keep his commandments; and he has promised you that if ye would keep his commandments ye should prosper in the land; and he never doth vary from that which he hath said; therefore, if ye do keep his commandments he doth bless you and prosper you.

We are truly humbled when we realize just how much God has blessed us and yet how little He requires of us.

Increase Gratitude for the Atonement

How do we increase our gratitude for the Atonement? Through daily prayer, repentance, and the partaking of the sacrament.

Gratitude may be increased by constantly reflecting on our blessings and giving thanks for them in our daily prayers. A constant expression of gratitude [for the Atonement] should be included in all our prayers. Often in our prayers we ask for specific blessings on the behalf of others which reflects our selflessness. We also show humility when we pray as we ask God for forgiveness and repent of our sins.

Through repentance we can apply the Atonement in our lives as we become humbled, seek cleanliness, and receive forgiveness for our sins. Repentance is more than simply acknowledging wrongdoings. It is a change of mind and heart. It includes turning away from sin and turning to God for forgiveness. It is motivated by love for God and the sincere desire to obey His commandments. Repentance not only helps us to feel good from within, but it empowers us to do good unto others around us and to see the good in all things God has granted us.

When we partake of the sacrament, we reflect on our Elder Brother’s atoning sacrifice. The sacred ordinance of the blessing of the bread and water symbolize the shedding of Christ’s flesh and blood. The sacrament allows us to renew our baptismal covenants and become clean. We cannot be saved nor become perfected without it. 

 
Conclusion

We should thank our Heavenly Father for His Plan of Salvation and for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We should practice the virtues of the Atonement by showing gratitude, humility, and selflessness. To show gratitude to our Heavenly Father, we acknowledge His hand in all things, thank Him for all that He gives us, keep His commandments, and serve others. We can increase our gratitude through daily prayer, repentance, and partaking of the sacrament. When we pray to Our Heavenly Father, we should especially thank Him for His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, for the Savior's great example, for His teachings, for His outreaching hand to lift and help, for His infinite Atonement. May we always be grateful for this wonderful gift, the Atonement of the Son of God, our Savior and Redeemer. [Amen]

Defining meekness

This isn't going to be a traditional blog post. It will end up being more of a list. I was fascinated last night as I read Elder Ulisses Soares's talk from this past General Conference, "Be Meek and Lowly of Heart." The caption pulled from the talk to introduce it is "Being meek does not mean weakness, but it does mean behaving with goodness and kindness." But what fascinated me was the way that meekness was described throughout the talk--not just as goodness and kindness. It's different seeing it in print. So, here's my list... and be aware that it is a mixture of nouns, adjectives, phrases, and possibly some verbs, as well. (Some of the brackets are in the text, others are my own interjections or explanations.)

What is meekness? What does it mean to be meek?

lowly in heart
Godfearing
righteous
humble
teachable
patient under suffering
calm
docile
tolerant
submissive
fruit of the Spirit
live in the Spirit
reflect righteousness
emulate His [Christ's] attributes
change our character to become more like Him each day

perfect

deny [ourselves] of all ungodliness

love God

Christlike attributes

use [our] agency wisely

desire to please God

recognize [our] weaknesses

be willing and anxious to improve

goodness

kindness

strength (yes, strength!)

serenity

healthy self-worth

self control

born with the seed of meekness

process of time

“take up [our] cross daily”

constant focus and desire

improve day by day

overcome them [our weaknesses] as fast as possible

[instill] this feeling in the hearts of our children

[behave] properly before Him [Christ] under all circumstances

dedication

perseverance

control our temper

convey our feelings with patience and gentle persuasion

gentle reminders

gentle

apt to teach

patient

calm

temperate

avoiding contention

subdue our pride

humble

teachable

ability to influence others to be the same

walk hand in hand with the Lord

conversion

kindly

humility

without resentment

strong desire to learn

listen

determination

courage

faithfulness

heart full of goodness and deep gratitude

influenced many lives for good

forgive

change our spiritual character

love

Do you see what I mean? Some of these may be repetitive or at least closely related to others. However, there were words in there that I don't think most of us usually associate with meekness: strength, courage, determination. A quotation from President Lorenzo Snow (use in Elder Soares's talk) is a good illustration of many of these qualities, including determination: "It is our duty to try to be perfect, … to improve each day, and look upon our course last week and do things better this week; do things better today than we did them yesterday.... If the husband can live with his wife [or the wife with the husband] one day without quarrelling or without treating anyone unkindly or without grieving the Spirit of God … he is so far perfect. Then let him try to be the same the next day. But supposing he should fail in this his next day’s attempt, that is no reason why he should not succeed in doing so the third day."

This is a good, solid list to help each of us develop meekness. It gave me the desire to work harder... to show determination and courage in working toward these qualities. I hope my list, or perhaps the original talk itself, can help others, as well. These Christlike qualities should be the aim of every Christian. I know Christ was the perfect example, and I know He will help us as we strive to become like Him.

Hastening the Lord's work--Bonneville YSA Stake Conference

At first I thought about just posting my notes from stake conference yesterday and today, but while I may end up doing that later, there are too many other thoughts in my mind following the meetings. Hopefully I can do them justice in this post.

Elder Lawrence E. Corbridge was the presiding authority (accompanied by Gene R. Chidester, since they were reorganizing the stake presidency), and I loved his messages both yesterday and today. He reminded us of the First Presidency's instruction that every Saturday evening session of stake conference throughout the church was to be about hastening the work of salvation. He mentioned that we often talk about the what and occasionally the how, but that we do not always talk about the why.

So he extended the question, relating to the why: "How will my life be better if I join your church?" or "What do you have to offer if I join your church?" He then asked for responses from the congregation. I'm glad I was able to offer the last response; it was necessary to pay close attention to the wording and intent of the question. The other answers that were given were doctrinally sound, but they touched on aspects of gospel beliefs rather than on how joining the church would better a person's life.

My response was that closely following baptism, a person receives the gift of the Holy Ghost, which provides many of the feelings others had already mentioned, and which provides us with strength, peace, joy, comfort, etc., as nothing else possibly can. Having the gift of the Holy Ghost also means that we can have the Spirit of the Lord as a constant companion.

Elder Corbridge took my answer (and my name; I'm the only one whose name he asked!) and explained that the greatest gift of God is eternal life, but the greatest gift we can have in mortality is the gift of the Holy Ghost. A person should join the church to be forgiven of sins and to be endowed with God's power, to partake of the fruit of the tree of life and of the fruits of the atonement.

He then cited a couple of scriptures relating to receiving these things and to sharing the gospel:

"And blessed are they who shall seek to bring forth my Zion at that day, for they shall have the gift and the power of the Holy Ghost; and if they endure unto the end they shall be lifted up at the last day, and shall be saved in the everlasting kingdom of the Lamb; and whoso shall publish peace, yea, tidings of great joy, how beautiful upon the mountains shall they be." (Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi 13:37)

"Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth...." (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:8)

He also asked why we should be afraid or ashamed to offer what we have to others. If we understand what we have, the effect it has on our lives, and the effect it can have in others' lives, shouldn't we be eager to reach out and share?

Another benefit he mentioned was that as we help to build the Kingdom of God, we retain a remission of our sins and have the Holy Ghost in our lives.

All this was at the beginning of the Saturday evening session. As he spoke again at the end (following other wonderful talks on hastening the work of salvation), he posed several more questions:

What will I do? How can I do something more?

Personally, I need to ponder a lot more on that. I have some ideas, but I need to understand my sphere of influence and how I can best reach out to others--friends, family, people I may not have met... One suggestion that was made (I think it was last night, but I don't remember for sure) was to commit to meet someone new every Sunday. I need to work on that one; as an introvert, I sometimes find it easier not to talk to people, especially people I don't know. I need to be better at reaching out and getting to know people.

Elder Corbridge added that the consequences of the gospel being true are enormous. Knowing that, wouldn't we want to share it with everyone? If you don't have the gospel now, wouldn't you want to learn it? Because, you see, if it is true (and I know that it is), the consequences truly are enormous. This increases our responsibility and should give us the drive necessary to move the work of the Lord forward. He ended his Saturday remarks by saying that we need to declare the gospel: "Determine to do something. Everything depends on this."

I left with the desire to do more. I need to spend time on my knees and then be willing to act under the guidance of the Holy Ghost. I need to understand how the Lord would have me share the gospel.

There were many fabulous talks both days, but today it was again Elder Corbridge's talk that really hit home for me. He began by describing how the Lord invites us to become involved in His work, not for His benefit, but for our benefit--not to help Him, but to help us. He pointed out that even in the very name of the church, we are all invited to be a part of Christ's Kingdom: It is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints--not of latter-day prophets, not of a select few. We are a part of His Kingdom and called to participate in His work.

Much of the rest of his talk focused on the questions: Who am I? and Who am I in the process of becoming? He cited a number of scriptures on keeping the commandments. The most interesting part to me was when he referenced Alma 50:20 (in the Book of Mormon). The first half of the verse says, "Blessed art thou and thy children; and they shall be blessed, inasmuch as they shall keep my commandments they shall prosper in the land." But he then explained that the rest of the verse explains what it means to prosper in the land by presenting the opposite situation: "But remember, inasmuch as they will not keep my commandments they shall be cut off from the presence of the Lord." Have you ever thought of it that way? This also clarifies what king Benjamin said about how the Lord will "immediately bless [us]" if we keep His commandments (Book of Mormon, Mosiah 2:24). The blessings and the prosperity will not necessarily be physical. Prospering in the land does not necessarily mean we will be wealthy. What it does mean is that we will be in the presence of the Lord: we will have the Holy Spirit to be with us, to strengthen and guide us in all of our endeavors.

The other two questions I jotted down from his talk were:

Who is my God?
When everything earthly is taken from me, what kind of person will I be?

Each of these questions is a reminder to me that my focus needs to be on my Savior, on relying on the atonement and the influence of the Holy Ghost. I need to be a part of hastening the work of salvation. I don't fully understand yet how I can do this, but knowing that I need to be a part of the work is a beginning. Now I need to come to understand what the Lord would have me do. How can I reach out to others? How can I share with them a message that means so much to me, that even defines who I am--that hopefully can define me more fully and clearly each day.

This is the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is true. "Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth...." (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:8)

An attitude of gratitude

I really enjoyed doing gratitude posts last year, so I'm going to do it again! (Also, I must confess... the wellness challenge for November/December for a premium refund is emotional and spiritual well-being: I will be giving and grateful. It doesn't do much good to list what I might give--that's kind of selfish and prideful. So instead, I'll have at least one thing to be grateful for each day again.) All right, here goes:

1 November 2013. I am grateful for health. It can be so easy to take health for granted, but it really is wonderful! All of life depends on it. In order to have energy and to accomplish anything at all, I need to feel well. So I'm grateful: grateful to be generally healthy, grateful for simple things like the ability to walk, even just to breathe. These make it possible for me to enjoy so much more all around me!

2 November 2013. I am grateful for the Holy Ghost, and specifically for the gift of the Holy Ghost, which allows me to have the Spirit of the Lord as a constant companion if I live righteously. Through the Holy Ghost, I know of the truthfulness of the gospel; I can feel forgiveness and the strength to forgive; I find happiness, peace, and strength that I can't find anywhere else; and I feel Heavenly Father's love for me and receive the guidance I need to be able to follow His plan.

3 November 2013. I am grateful for inspired leaders: for a stake presidency, just released, each of whom has served so well, and for a newly called stake presidency, each of whom is eager and willing to serve the Lord. (For my friends who are not "Mormon," a stake consists of several congregations--in our case, thirteen--called "wards" and is similar to a diocese.) I am grateful also for general authorities who have spoken to us this weekend and shared messages that I needed to hear, even if I didn't know it beforehand. It has been a spiritually uplifting weekend.

4 November 2013. I am once again grateful for inspired leaders, this time for a living prophet and apostles who are in tune with the Spirit of the Lord. A new semiannual general women's meeting, for women and girls ages 8 and up, was just announced. It will replace the Relief Society and Young Women meetings, each of which was held annually. I am so excited to see the results of this as we grow together in the gospel and help to strengthen each other!

5 November 2013. Today I am grateful for snow. It really wasn't a bad walk to work this morning (even if I probably have to put the scooter away until spring). There's something beautiful and peaceful about watching snow fall... even if it's falling on you. :)

6 November 2013. I am grateful for a good job. It's a blessing to have a job where I like what I do. I'm glad that I occasionally get to learn new things in my work. I am especially grateful to work with (and for) some very good people who make the environment enjoyable.

7 November. I am grateful for powdered milk. Don't misunderstand... that doesn't mean I like powdered milk. But it's a blessing to have it on hand when you're too lazy to take the bus to the store... I'm also very grateful right now for my November Ensign--the General Conference issue. I was super excited to get it a couple of days ago, and I have been enjoying reading from it each evening. There's too much to be able to learn it all from the one weekend when we first hear the talks. What a blessing it is to be able to read and reread them!

8 November 2013. I am grateful for Friday--the end of a work week and the chance to wind down, relax a little, and catch up on things I haven't done during the week. I am also grateful I was given a little time for my own family history today--I got some more photos and documents scanned this afternoon.
9 November 2013. Sorry, this might be a longer one than normal. Today I am most grateful that Uncle Chris is home safe--and grateful to him and to the many who continue to serve our country. I am also grateful that a certain wall came down 24 years ago, making it possible for the gospel to spread into Eastern Europe. I am grateful for the courage of those who serve the Lord by sharing His gospel, sometimes in the face of great danger. (I saw Saratov Approach today.) And I am grateful for music and for a good friend to share it with. :)  I won't name names... you know who you are.

10 November 2013. I am grateful for music, and must especially that my parents taught me to love music and not to be afraid to sing and share my talents. I am grateful for opportunities to sing--today, a solo, but also just for congregational hymns in church. I am also grateful for the power of hymns and the way the Spirit carries a message to those who listen. I truly love the hymns of the gospel of Jesus Christ!

11 November 2013. I am grateful for veterans and for those who continue to serve--those I know personally and many I have never met, who put their lives on the line for the cause of freedom so that I can enjoy so many liberties. Today I am also overwhelmingly grateful for the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and for living prophets and apostles. As I was reading conference talks after work today, it struck me hard: the world instills doubts and questions and confusion, but the gospel has the answers--all of the answers, though we must make the effort to seek them out. I am amazed and so grateful for the peace and reassurance I feel as I continue to study and learn.

12 November 2013. I am grateful for online reference sources and for the ability to think like a librarian. I have really enjoyed becoming familiar with some of the reference sources available online (subscription through the university and otherwise). As far as thinking like a librarian... it helps to be able to pinpoint a source and know how to search, and I know cataloging and familiarity with a catalog plays a major part in that. In two short evenings, I finished an assignment (entirely in the comfort of my home)--nearly a week before it is due. That feels pretty good. :)

13 November 2013. I am grateful for technology. It's amazing to think how drastically things have changed in my lifetime--and even since I graduated from high school. I left home with a calling card to reach my parents (with email being my other option); now I own a smart phone, which in addition to making calls has some capabilities that even my first computer didn't have. Then there's Facebook--I can see throughout the day what family members and others are sharing. It's a blessing to have so many ways of staying in touch with each other when there are several states between us.

14 November 2013. Oh, how grateful I am for the temple! I'm grateful for the overwhelming peace I feel there, and for the way that temple worship helps to put everything else in life back in perspective. I am grateful for a temple presidency who love the young single adults and for the many sealers and others who willingly gave of their time and stayed late tonight. I am also grateful for unseen angels. Sometimes I feel absolutely surrounded--by people I know and love and by some I don't know or don't remember, but whom I also love and whom I look forward to meeting someday.

15 November 2013. I am grateful that my dad "corrupted" me with music. That might sound funny, but I think it played a large part in my desire to learn a couple of instruments and my continued love of and appreciation for good music of many kinds--and it has also taught me to catch and appreciate little nuances or variations in arrangements of well-known songs. I am also grateful for an occasional girls' night. That was much needed. :)

16 November 2013. I am grateful for a lazy Saturday, and for a BYU football game that I could actually *watch* instead of just listening to the radio. I am also grateful for grocery store mark-downs that resulted in an unplanned pork chop purchase and barbecue pork chops that are just finishing in the crock pot. Yum! (I'll wait until tomorrow to eat them.)

17 November 2013. I am grateful to have learned that my hair will hold curl decently if I let it set overnight without heat. (Superficial? Maybe, but it's good to know...) I am also grateful for zebra sunglasses. Finally, and most especially, I am grateful for the opportunity to go to church and partake of the sacrament each week.

18 November 2013. I am grateful for clean laundry and for a fun Family Home Evening with friends. And I am grateful that a 4-week-old assignment has finally been graded.

19 November 2013. I am grateful for the opportunity to babysit on occasion. I am grateful for children and the love and light they bring to the world.

20 November 2013. I am grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ, and for His birth, and later His resurrection, which makes it possible for me to live again with those I love. I am grateful that I could once again begin the Christmas season watching the production "Savior of the World" (and sharing it with a few other people).

21 November 2013. As others in my family have said, I am grateful for my grandpa today--on his 84th birthday. I am grateful for his kind and generous heart and for his sense of humor. I am also grateful for his love for the Lord and for his commitment to the gospel.

22 November 2013. I am grateful to live near work and near the temple, in such an ideal location. Right now I am especially grateful for Friday and for knowing that I can sleep in tomorrow.

23 November 2013. I am grateful for an oven and baking ingredients... and for the willpower to bake roughly 5 dozen cookies without eating any. :) There's just something therapeutic about baking.

24 November 2013. I am grateful for Sundays: for a day of rest from the other activities of the week, for a chance to worship and partake of the sacrament, and for a little extra time to devote to studying the scriptures and the words of the prophets. I am also grateful (as I know I have said before) for living prophets and apostles through whom the love of the Lord radiates to us.

25 November 2013. I am grateful for a crock pot and for simple recipes that make delicious meals. I am also grateful for a friend who was willing to drive the one block or so to the church so my chili made it there tonight. And I am grateful for the Internet and the ease of finding and purchasing airline tickets... and for the quickly approaching Christmas holidays!

26 November 2013. I am grateful for a warm bed and for nighttime and the chance to sleep.

27 November 2013. I am grateful for a relaxing evening with a sweet nephew (and his "super hero coat"). The niece is already sound asleep, or I'd be enjoying her, too. I love these kids!

28 November 2013. I am grateful for a wonderful Thanksgiving feast, including delicious beans and Mexican stuffing. I am also grateful for time spent with family and for introducing Amanda to pumpkin pie (she ate half of mine). It would have been fun to be with the rest of the family, but it's been a great day.

29 November 2013. I am grateful for birthday festivities for the sweetest one-year-old niece and for the chance to spoil my niece and nephew a little bit. I am also grateful for baby wipes to clean off the remnants of sticky cow tongues (meaning we were licked by the cows we fed at the petting zoo).

30 November 2013. I am grateful to be home again and able to sleep in my own bed (which I will do very shortly) after a busy but very fun weekend. I am grateful for the time I got to spend with Tom, Whitney, Jacob, and Amanda this weekend, and I am grateful for how excited those sweet kids get when they see me. And I am grateful that we could all enjoy today, including some of the lights on Temple Square, in spite of not feeling well.

Choices, Christianity, and Politics

Yes, you read that title correctly. I've had some things on my mind today, and I want to share them.

Someone wrote to Matt Walsh complaining that Matt was being unfair by only accepting, publishing, and sending in the stories that represent the problems with Obamacare. This man basically said that he now has health insurance, and his success story is more important than the many, many disastrous stories. Watch Matt's response here. Matt's response was judged by some as cold because he said he would always choose to care for his family first.

A couple of Bible stories have come to my mind today, accompanied by the thought I've seen perpetuated by many Democrats recently that Jesus Christ was not Republican and that Republicans do not represent Christian values. I am not looking for confrontation here. I will say, however, that associating Jesus Christ with any political party (and accusing those of the opposite party of not being Christian) is not only un-Christian but sacrilegious.

The most common accusation I have seen is that too many Republicans complain about taxes being raised to give services to those who may be in need--or something along those lines. (I'm trying to keep these as unpolitical and as unbiased as possible, so please recognize that.) They point out that Jesus Christ would care for the poor and suggest that the Republicans do not.

It is, of course, true that Christ cares for the poor. Jesus Christ cares for all people. He cares for all of us so much that He has given us agency: the opportunity to choose for ourselves.

So which Bible stories have come to my mind? The first was the story of the rich young man who had been observing the commandments and wanted to know what he needed to do to inherit eternal life. The scriptures say, "Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me. And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions." (New Testament, Mark 10:21-22) Lest someone say this proves the point because this young man was un-Christian, there are several things that I believe we should all notice in this story. First, we know that Jesus loved the young man. Second, the young man was given the choice of whether to sell his possessions. Finally, all we know is that he went away grieved. The scriptures do not tell us what he did after he left. He was grieved, but perhaps we should also consider that he was caught off-guard. The scriptures don't tell us that he didn't sell his possessions to give to the poor; maybe he did. At one time or another, I'm sure each of us has left a church meeting sobered, perhaps even grieving, over instruction we received, because it was difficult. It doesn't mean we didn't do it.

My greatest point in sharing this story is that Christ did not demand this of the young man. He commanded it, yes, but He did not take the agency of the young man; he still had the opportunity to consider and choose for himself.

The second was that of the Elijah and the widow. If you remember the story, there was a famine in the land. Elijah asked the widow for food, but she only had enough for a last small meal for herself and her son:

"And she said, As the Lord thy God liveth, I have not a cake, but an handful of meal in a barrel, and a little oil in a cruse: and, behold, I am gathering two sticks, that I may go in and dress it for me and my son, that we may eat it, and die. And Elijah said unto her, Fear not; go and do as thou hast said: but make me thereof a little cake first, and bring it unto me, and after make for thee and for thy son. For thus saith the Lord God of Israel, The barrel of meal shall not waste, neither shall the cruse of oil fail, until the day that the Lord sendeth rain upon the earth. And she went and did according to the saying of Elijah: and she, and he, and her house, did eat many days. And the barrel of meal wasted not, neither did the cruse of oil fail, according to the word of the Lord, which he spake by Elijah." (Old Testament, 1 Kings 17:12-16)

Again in this case, we see that the widow had a choice. Could there have been a more difficult choice? But what a beautiful promise she received: "The barrel of meal shall not waste, neither shall the cruse of oil fail, until the day that the Lord sendeth rain upon the earth." I can only imagine her faith in God and in His prophet here on earth, the absolute trust she must have felt in giving up what she believed to be her last meal to feed a man of God. She did it by choice. And she was blessed for it.

I'm not sure how clearly I can word what I want to say from here. I just know that it is painful to be accused, and to see others accused, of not being Christlike, and I am grateful that it is Jesus Christ Himself who will judge me, since He knows me and my heart and my desires perfectly.

But when either party accuses the other of not being Christ-like or Christian, it is as if they are attempting to put the government in the place of God. Not only did Christ not force obedience or giving from either the rich young man or from the widow, but He provided amazing blessings to the widow and her son. The government can't promise that--if they do, it's an empty promise. The gospel of Jesus Christ teaches self-sufficiency, which must involve caring for oneself and one's family first. Then, any surplus can be given to help those in need.

One major problem I see is using the government as a middle-man in caring for the poor. Our big government is out of touch with the people, and it takes to much overhead to implement any program, no matter how well-intended. There are other organizations to whom I readily and generously donate: various programs within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but also always to two or three other charities each year. I do want to help people! I do want to be a part of good causes! But I have yet to see an efficient government program, so yes, I do complain about money being taken from me to cover government attempts at caring for the poor. I would rather donate where I know that (1) every cent goes to those in need and (2) the money does not go only to provide for those in need, but to help them provide for themselves.

Not only that, but I've been grateful to feel like I can help others here and there: immediate family, grandparents, close friends. Is it un-Christian that I choose to help those I know who are doing their best to stay afloat? Especially when I can see their struggles to stay afloat? I'm pretty sure it is most Christian to care first for those I know and love, and then to reach out to others if I am still able. Matt Walsh's point in his response was not that he wants anyone to go hungry. It was simply that if someone must go hungry, he will feed his family first. I do not see this as un-Christian. His responsibility is to his wife and children before any other person. As a single person, my responsibility is first to myself (I can't help others if I can't help myself!), then to immediate family (parents and siblings).

But I'm not looking to place myself above anyone else, either. I know there are many Christians still in our country. Sometimes we do not agree on politics. But if we are to save this country, we need to join together. We can't point fingers and accuse others of not being Christian because they aren't exactly like us. We need to stand together on common ground. We need to stand for Jesus Christ and for the values He taught and lived. In short, we need to be Christian--we need to be disciples of Jesus Christ. If we are willing to work together instead of pointing fingers and accusing, I believe we will quickly find that conditions will improve for everyone. Remember the people of Enoch? "And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them." (Pearl of Great Price, Moses 7:18) Instead of pointing fingers and accusing, let's work on becoming a Zion community: a people who love each other and who truly want the best for each other!

Government will not be perfect until Jesus Christ returns in glory to the earth, to rule and reign. But we can prepare now by striving to become a Zion community. We can prepare by loving and serving and giving--and by allowing others the opportunity to choose to love and serve and give. Let us become a Zion people, a people whom Jesus Christ will claim when He returns to the earth!

Choice and Accountability

There seems to be an epidemic in the world today--not a physical disease, but an idea: the idea that there should be no consequences for our actions. This was prophesied long ago:

"Yea, and there shall be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die; and it shall be well with us. And there shall also be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God—he will justify in committing a little sin; yea, lie a little, take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God. Yea, and there shall be many which shall teach after this manner, false and vain and foolish doctrines, and shall be puffed up in their hearts, and shall seek deep to hide their counsels from the Lord; and their works shall be in the dark." (2 Nephi 28:7-9)

What happened to the understanding that with actions come consequences? I'm pretty sure most of us learned this when we were quite young.

One of the Young Women's values is Choice and Accountability. It is accompanied by the statement, "I will choose good over evil and will accept responsibility for my decisions." Young Women ages 12-18 recite their theme, which includes this value, every week. Is it too much to expect adults to remember the same?

For that matter, I learned a little song when I was four years old at most:

"Choices, choices, good and bad--

The good ones make me happy, and the bad ones make me sad.

When I make a mistake, then I'll fix it, I will,

'Cause my choices are connected to the way I feel."

Our Heavenly Father sent us to this earth with agency: the freedom to choose. With that agency came the ability to discern between right and wrong--the ability to judge. Agency does not exist without (1) opposition and (2) knowledge: "Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself. Wherefore, man could not act for himself save it should be that he was enticed by the one or the other" (2 Nephi 2:16). This ability to discern between right and wrong is given to every person:

"For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God. But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil; for after this manner doth the devil work, for he persuadeth no man to do good, no, not one; neither do his angels; neither do they who subject themselves unto him. And now, my brethren, seeing that ye know the light by which ye may judge, which light is the light of Christ, see that ye do not judge wrongfully; for with that same judgment which ye judge ye shall also be judged." (Moroni 7:16-18)

Did you catch that? "I show unto you the way to judge" and "see that you do not judge wrongfully." Mormon's letter to his son, Moroni, makes it clear that our agency must involve judgment: we must judge between right and wrong, between good and evil. Not only must we judge, but we can judge with a perfect knowledge based on the criteria that are listed.

Those of us who have received the gift of the Holy Ghost have an even greater ability and responsibility to judge--not to condemn, but certainly to judge! We have the promise of the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost, but we can only have that constant companionship as we constantly make judgments and choose good over evil.

With agency comes the knowledge that there are consequences for our actions:

"And if ye shall say there is no law, ye shall also say there is no sin. If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness there be no happiness. And if there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to be acted upon; wherefore, all things must have vanished away." (2 Nephi 2:13)

There will always be consequences. It was Lucifer's plan to force us all back to heaven--to remove agency and thus remove accountability and consequences. That plan was rejected. We chose our Heavenly Father's plan, in which we would have agency. We knew we would make mistakes. We knew that each action would come with a consequence.

Remember when Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden? Here are God's words to Adam and Eve:

"Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return." (Genesis 3:16-19)

They suffered consequences because of their choice to partake of the forbidden fruit. However, there is a phrase in there that stands out: for thy sake. There will always be consequences, not because of a desire for punishment or revenge, but for thy sake. I must be accountable for my own actions, but this is partly because the Lord will use these consequences as teaching opportunities, if we will allow it.

And remember, there is good news in all of this! We must accept the consequences, but because of the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ, we are not called upon to bear the full punishment. He has redeemed us. "Behold, he offereth himself a sacrifice for sin, to answer the ends of the law, unto all those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit; and unto none else can the ends of the law be answered" (2 Nephi 2:7). But our eventual exaltation depends not only on the atonement and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, but on the conditions described: a broken heart and a contrite spirit, which often come by accepting the consequences of our own actions.

Amulek further clarifies the conditions for salvation: "And I say unto you again that he cannot save them in their sins; for I cannot deny his word, and he hath said that no unclean thing can inherit the kingdom of heaven; therefore, how can ye be saved, except ye inherit the kingdom of heaven? Therefore, ye cannot be saved in your sins" (Alma 11:37). While Christ has taken upon Him all of our shortcomings, He will not save us in but rather from our sins. This is accomplished partially by our own judgment, aided by the gift of the Holy Ghost, when we choose good over evil; we will continually receive His help and guidance as we strive to choose right. It is also accomplished as we humble ourselves before God and repent of our sins, which must come with some penalty. There must be remorse, and there must be some degree of suffering on our part if we are to be forgiven. Jesus Christ, the only perfect Being to ever walk the earth, suffered all things. Can we expect, in our imperfections, not to suffer at all? Of course not. We must accept the consequences of our actions, as this is part of the repentance process.

Will the consequences bring sorrow? Probably. That's part of life. That's part of the process of learning and growing and repenting. If the sorrow leads to a broken heart and a contrite spirit, to an acknowledgement of our wrongdoing and a desire to be forgiven and to improve each day, then the atonement can "answer the ends of the law."

Our Heavenly Father has provided a perfect plan: a plan for our happiness, for our growth, and ultimately for our immortality and eternal life. Through the sacrifice of His Only Begotten Son, we have the opportunity to progress and to become like Him. Let us never forget our eternal potential! Along with that, may we also remember that consequences are for our own good, to teach us and mold us and help us to become like Him. And as we remember this, we must also remember how judgment relates to this plan of happiness.

Ultimately Jesus Christ will be our Judge. For that I am humbly grateful. He knows my heart, He knows me better than I know myself, and He will judge me as only He is able. I am also grateful to know that I do not have to carry the burden of judging other people; that judgment, too, is His. However, if I expect mercy in His judgment, if I want to become like Him, as He has commanded, I must continually be judging now: judging between good and evil and striving to choose good over evil.

Hold fast to your agency. Yield it only to your Father in Heaven, in the form of a broken heart and a contrite spirit. Acknowledge His wisdom and power. Acknowledge His grace, through which we have the opportunity to repent and to be saved. Acknowledge His hand in all things. Acknowledge that He desires our happiness, and that sometimes unpleasant consequences come in order to steer us in the direction of lasting happiness. Acknowledge that He is the Creator of all things, and most importantly of all mankind, and that His plan is for us to return to Him and to partake of all that He has.

His plan is perfect. We accepted it once; we know this because we are here on earth. Let us continue to accept it and to fight for it, agency, consequences, and all!

Now we have a world where people are confused

I've been listening to C-SPAN this evening, and the most prevalent thought that comes from this is how very grateful I am for a living prophet on the earth today, who receives revelation for our day. I feel a greater excitement for General Conference, knowing that we will be instructed at the feet of men of God. Our government is full of talk, and that's about it. The last verse of the Primary song, "Follow the Prophet," comes to mind:

Now we have a world where people are confused.
If you don't believe it, go and watch the news.
We can get direction all along our way,
If we heed the prophets-follow what they say.

Safety comes only in hearing and following the words of the prophet--the words of God. Truth and assurance does not come from any mortal government. "So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God." (Romans 10:17)

I know this is a short post. I just can't help thinking how grateful I am for living prophets and apostles. From them I learn truth. I know they will speak and act according to the will of God. When the country and its government, when the whole world is in confusion, peace and safety are to be found in the gospel of Jesus Christ. For this I am grateful.

"This is my day, my baptism day!"

Today I got to attend my cousin, Sheldon's, baptism and play the piano for the service. It's always a special occasion to see another child of God make the decision to be baptized. Today seemed to be more special, maybe because it is the anniversary of my own baptism--22 years ago.

Sheldon was so sweet! It was neat that his sister, Ashlynn, gave the talk on baptism and that his brother, Brendan, gave the talk on confirmation and receiving the Holy Ghost. They both did a great job.

It was especially fun to see Sheldon's excitement. As soon as Ashlynn said amen at the end of her talk, he said, "OK, now it's time," and jumped up and almost ran to the font. Uncle Jon (also Sheldon's uncle) baptized him.

Grandpa Sommerfeld confirmed him and gave a wonderful blessing. Afterward, when he was told to shake hands with those in the circle and to hug his family, he made his way around the whole room hugging members of his family. No one felt impatient; even though the instruction was just intended for those who participated in confirming him, it was so sweet and wonderful to see his excitement and happiness and love as he hugged each member of his family and shook hands with the others in the room. As I still sat at the piano, I could see both smiles and tears on many faces.

Of course, we all missed having his dad there. Grandpa's blessing for Sheldon included a blessing of safety for Uncle Chris (Sheldon's dad) as he is currently deployed in Afghanistan. We are all grateful for Chris and his continued sacrifice to serve our country and preserve our freedoms; we missed him today.

As I said, today is also the anniversary of my baptism. I remember also feeling excited. But I also remember that I didn't necessarily feel any different after being baptized. One of the things that has always stood out to me was that it was special that I got a little extra time with my dad that day, since we went to the church earlier than the rest of the family. For a time I thought maybe there was something wrong with that--why was that what stood out to me most? As I reached adulthood, I also found a parallel in this feeling. My Heavenly Father entrusted me to earthly parents. As I enjoyed being close to my earthly father that day, I was taking an important step in coming closer to my Heavenly Father. The love I feel toward my earthly father and the love I know he has for me is small and imperfect compared to the love of my Heavenly Father, but He sent me to an earthly family so I could be reminded of His love.

I do remember that I sang that day, as well: "I Believe in Christ." From the first time I remember singing this beautiful hymn in a Primary singing time, it has been one of my favorites. And, of course, my choice to be baptized was an outward expression of my belief and faith in Christ, a covenant with Him that I would take His name upon me and strive to keep His commandments and always remember Him.

I am grateful for parents who taught me the gospel and prepared me for baptism and for other ordinances. I am grateful to have witnessed Sheldon's baptism today. I love this gospel. I know it is true. I know that through the restoration of the priesthood, we have access to the ordinances necessary to be able to return to our Heavenly Father. I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior, that He was baptized to set the example for all mankind, and that it is because of His atonement, death, and resurrection that we will all live again and that we can return to our Heavenly Father.

Her price is far above rubies

My baby sister is 17!!! I remember turning 17. I left home just a few weeks later to start college at BYU. That seems like a lifetime ago. So much has happened since then.

So, this post is for my sister... sorry, Christine, if it embarrasses you. I just want you to know that I'm proud of you! You're doing a lot of good. You just finished high school as a valedictorian. You've spent a lot of time volunteering in the library. And you've grown into a beautiful young woman. You're no longer the little four-year-old I had to say goodbye to when I started college, but I'm glad that you're now my friend as well as being my baby sister.

I also thought of the scripture in Proverbs, "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies" (Proverbs 31:10). You're a great example of studying and striving to live the gospel. I'm proud of you for that, too. I'm excited for you as you take a few classes and prepare for a mission over the next couple of years. I'm excited to see you continue to learn and progress in life. :)

I've also loved being able to trade book recommendations with you over the last few years. I've read some good stuff because of you. :) It's almost as good as reading it with you. I'm still glad I got to read The World of Winnie-the-Pooh and The World of Christopher Robin with you the summer you started Kindergarten. I'm glad for the little times like that, since I know I haven't been around for most of your growing-up years.

Anyway, I just want you to know that I love you, and I hope it's been a wonderful birthday! You're the best baby sister! I love you lots!

To thine own self be true

I saw a comment today, "Always be yourself," that really got me thinking. The world has it all wrong. The definition the world uses in suggesting that you "be yourself" is really suggesting that you rebel against everything that you have been taught and follow the world. It doesn't even seem to be about choosing your own path--just about breaking away from the "conventions" held by your parents.

I'm sure there are those who would be critical of the fact that I hold strongly to the things my parents have taught me. They have that right, though I disagree. You see, in thinking of how I can be myself, the first thought that came to my mind was that I am a child of God. I cannot very well be myself if I don't know who I am. But I do know. I am a child of God. As such, I have a divine heritage and destiny. I also have a responsibility to live up to that heritage.

I also keep coming back to a quote from C.S. Lewis in the Preface of The Great Divorce: "We are not living in a world where all roads are radii of a circle and where all, if followed long enough, will therefore draw gradually nearer and finally meet at the centre: rather in a world where every road, after a few miles, forks into two, and each of those into two again, and at each fork you must make a decision. Even on the biological level life is not like a river but like a tree. It does not move towards unity but away from it and the creatures grow further apart as they increase in perfection. Good, as it ripens, becomes continually more different not only from evil but from other good" (emphasis added). We become more different as we become more good, as we grow nearer to God. The differences develop because we open doors to new possibilities, to new options. Living the gospel does not make me a conformist. It makes me a unique person, part of a peculiar people. It makes me an individual. It makes me who I am and allows me to discover myself as God would have me be.

I also cannot help but think of Shakespeare's words from Hamlet (which prove that being oneself is nothing new!):

This above all: to thine ownself be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Being myself, and being true to myself, does not require that I answer to anyone but myself. To become my true self, I must also be true to God, but that is because I am His daughter, and I cannot be my true self without being true to Him.

I find it interesting, in considering this quote, that "it must follow, as the night the day...." This suggests that we know darkness will come. While a pessimist might feel that morning will never come again, he/she will likely not question that night will follow day. It establishes this as a solid and undeniable truth, that remaining true to oneself allows us to be true to God and to all men (and women).

I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ, for a guide that helps me to know who I am and who I can become. I am not "conforming" to anything in the sense that the world usually means by conforming. Rather, I am learning and becoming and progressing, with new opportunities and new lessons and new paths opening to me. By following the gospel plan, I differentiate myself from others, even from those who are also studying and following the gospel. We are not all the same, because God allows us to develop into the people He knows we can become.

I know that I am a daughter of God, with divine heritage and potential. I know that as I continue to study and learn and follow His plan for me, that I will eventually discover my true self--the self that my Heavenly Father knows I can become. He knows me, and His greatest desire is for me to return to Him. I trust in that knowledge and in the atonement of my Savior, which makes it possible for me to improve continually and to be my greatest self.