It's already late tonight, but I've been thinking about this since yesterday afternoon. It was going to come up eventually. I've found myself wondering in the last while, at what age do children start to notice differences? Some of them never really say anything--or maybe they ask their parents at home. Now I have the beginnings of an answer.
At lunch yesterday, my nephew said to me, "Tia Cathy? Mommy and Daddy are taller than you. And Tia Sammy is taller than you. And Jenny, and Melanie." I smiled and told him, "Yep, you're right."
My brother actually surprised me more by telling him, "Jacob, that's not nice." It's always a little awkward, and it surprised all of us, but I wouldn't tell him it's not nice. He's just curious; even though he was making a statement, I think he was really asking a question.
I didn't have an answer for him right then. I'm not sure I have an answer for him now. All I can really tell him is that Heavenly Father made us all differently. In my case, I was born with a form of dwarfism, so I am smaller. He's absolutely right. His mommy and daddy are taller than I am. So are his other tias and tios. It's perfectly valid for a 4-year-old to wonder and express his curiosity. (I'd be more concerned if he didn't...)
I love my little guy! I hope I can come up with a good answer for him, for the next time I see him. It's all part of him learning and developing. :)
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Scriptures for our day
When the prophets have talked about how the Book of Mormon was written for our day, I have usually thought about that in general terms: it was written for the last days, because of its prophecies, because of the things the world will experience. Now and then I receive a forceful reminder that, while this is the case, it also has a much more immediate and personal meaning. When I am consistent in scripture study, I find that I am reading exactly what I need in that moment. I relate the following, not in boastfulness, but because I want to share my testimony of the power of prayer, of my knowledge that prayers are answered, and that the Book of Mormon is the word of God.
Yesterday as I was reading 2 Nephi 2, I found myself pondering how beautiful the Plan of Salvation is, but also how easy it can be to question these basic truths. It's not so much that I was questioning them; rather, I think I occasionally need a small glimpse into what another person may be thinking or feeling, so that I have a better understanding. Between yesterday's scripture study and reading President Packer's talk from general conference, where he talked about needing every member of the Church and needing to strengthen each other, I found myself praying that I would be strengthened to be able to be a light to others. I prayed for a reconfirmation that the Book of Mormon is true, that what I had just read about the plan of salvation is true. I prayed that my own testimony would be strengthened, so that maybe I could also help to strengthen others.
I didn't really receive an immediate answer. But I picked up the scriptures again as I was waiting in the temple this afternoon. I was overwhelmed with the power of the Spirit I felt as I read. 2 Nephi 9 talks more about Heavenly Father's plan and contrasts it with the adversary's plan. Everything felt so clear, and I could feel the love of my Savior as I read His words. As Nephi so often describes it, the Lord's plan truly is plain and simple, and that is what makes it so beautiful. It is the adversary who tries to get us to question, to doubt. But the Lord has prepared the way.
I felt my heart soar as I left the temple, walking out to see a huge, almost full moon rising. Something about the moon has always fascinated me. But I also couldn't help thinking of Alma's words to Korihor in Alma 30:44: "The scriptures are laid before thee, yea, and all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator" (emphasis added).
I bear testimony that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers. It's not always in the way we expect, but He will answer, because He loves each of us, as His children. I have full confidence that He knows me--and you--by name. I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior, and that He atoned for my sins, that He has already experienced everything I have and will experience. He knows and loves me, and He has prepared the way for me to return to Him--for all who will accept His gospel to return to Him. I know that the Book of Mormon is true, that it is the word of God. And I know that each person who seeks it can receive this same witness and testimony, through the power of the Holy Ghost. Will you accept the invitation? Pray to know. Heavenly Father will listen, and He will answer in His own time and in His own way. He truly is our loving Father. I am so grateful for this knowledge.
Yesterday as I was reading 2 Nephi 2, I found myself pondering how beautiful the Plan of Salvation is, but also how easy it can be to question these basic truths. It's not so much that I was questioning them; rather, I think I occasionally need a small glimpse into what another person may be thinking or feeling, so that I have a better understanding. Between yesterday's scripture study and reading President Packer's talk from general conference, where he talked about needing every member of the Church and needing to strengthen each other, I found myself praying that I would be strengthened to be able to be a light to others. I prayed for a reconfirmation that the Book of Mormon is true, that what I had just read about the plan of salvation is true. I prayed that my own testimony would be strengthened, so that maybe I could also help to strengthen others.
I didn't really receive an immediate answer. But I picked up the scriptures again as I was waiting in the temple this afternoon. I was overwhelmed with the power of the Spirit I felt as I read. 2 Nephi 9 talks more about Heavenly Father's plan and contrasts it with the adversary's plan. Everything felt so clear, and I could feel the love of my Savior as I read His words. As Nephi so often describes it, the Lord's plan truly is plain and simple, and that is what makes it so beautiful. It is the adversary who tries to get us to question, to doubt. But the Lord has prepared the way.
I felt my heart soar as I left the temple, walking out to see a huge, almost full moon rising. Something about the moon has always fascinated me. But I also couldn't help thinking of Alma's words to Korihor in Alma 30:44: "The scriptures are laid before thee, yea, and all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator" (emphasis added).
I bear testimony that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers. It's not always in the way we expect, but He will answer, because He loves each of us, as His children. I have full confidence that He knows me--and you--by name. I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior, and that He atoned for my sins, that He has already experienced everything I have and will experience. He knows and loves me, and He has prepared the way for me to return to Him--for all who will accept His gospel to return to Him. I know that the Book of Mormon is true, that it is the word of God. And I know that each person who seeks it can receive this same witness and testimony, through the power of the Holy Ghost. Will you accept the invitation? Pray to know. Heavenly Father will listen, and He will answer in His own time and in His own way. He truly is our loving Father. I am so grateful for this knowledge.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
God Moves in a Mysterious Way
Have you ever had a day where everything seemed to come together just right at the end, and suddenly you can see why things happened just the way they did? Here's today's story...
God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.
Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.
Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.
Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.
It actually started last night when I came home and found a notice in my mailbox that I had missed delivery of certified mail. I was confused, mostly because it was dated 6/10 (and yesterday was definitely not 6/10). I also quickly became concerned, because the only possibility I could come up with in my mind was that the IRS was sending my something additional. I called the post office and asked them to hold the letter, so I could pick it up today.
Well, today I initially thought I'd go at lunch. However, it was cold and rainy... and, silly me, I didn't wear a jacket or take an umbrella to work with me. I mean, honestly, who wears a jacket in June unless they're spending time in the mountains in the evening. (It was 48° and raining, though.) I was going to brave it anyway, but the easiest path to the bus stop was blocked off when I stepped outside. I didn't want to be extra wet by walking farther, but I also didn't think I had time to walk a longer route to the bus stop and still manage to catch the bus. So I gave up and planned to do it after work.
I did ask my boss for permission to leave a little early. Then I went home first--to get a jacket and umbrella. I made it to the post office rather uneventfully and they were able to retrieve and hand over my letter with no difficulties. (It was indeed from the IRS. It says basically the same thing as their first notice, only now it includes no interest on what they say I owe. I've determined they may be one of the most disorganized entities ever... but that's a different story. I'm not too concerned anymore. Yes, I have to keep dealing with them, but at least it's not worse than before.)
In any case, when I left the post office, it wasn't really raining anymore. I also had 10-15 minutes before the next bus came, so I decided to walk a block or two to a different bus stop rather than just standing around. However, I hadn't done more than cross the street when a car pulled up next to me--my grandparents, uncle, and cousin. I certainly hadn't expected to see them there, but on the other had, they didn't exactly expect to see me walking there, either. They offered me a ride home, which I readily accepted.
Now, that might seem happy enough. But what I gathered between the post office and my apartment was that they were on the way to the temple for my cousin to receive his endowment. I said I wish I had known, since I could have planned to go. They pointed out that there was still time before the session, since he had to be there early for his first time. Perfect!!!! I had plenty of time to have a quick dinner and head back out to the temple.
This was serendipitous indeed. There are multiple reasons why I needed this today, and why I believe the Lord led me to be where I was at that moment:
1. The Salt Lake Temple will be closed after this week, until August 5. I needed to make it to an endowment session this week regardless (since I'm not certain how often I'll be able to make it to a temple in the six weeks following). Tonight was as good night as any to go.
2. I am sooooo glad I got to support my cousin. I hope it was a special evening for him. I certainly felt that it was special to be there and see him go for the first time.
3. I was especially glad to be able to offer some help and support to my grandma. I'm amazed she made it through the session, and I'm grateful to the worker(s), who were very helpful. (On a somewhat unrelated note, this was one instance where I really found myself wishing I didn't have a dwarfism. I would have been more helpful if I were taller and had longer arms. There is so much more I could do, from a service perspective. Oh, well. It is what it is, and I did what I could, and there were others there happy to offer assistance.) I really am glad that I was able to offer some moral support, at least. I know Grandma was grateful not to sit alone.
4. I needed a picture still for the 7 days of inspiration... and I snapped a couple on my way to the temple. Without a doubt, that is where I go to feel inspired.
Anyway, between one thing and another, this day has ended much better than it began. And if I hadn't needed to pick up a certified letter from the IRS at the post office (which I'm not certain the post office handled properly, either), the rest would not have happened...
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.
Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.
Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.
Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Sisterhood and Unity
I want to preface this post with the fact that I know that there were other messages tonight, and that there may have been other things that stood out to other people. I just know that these are my thoughts right now, after participating in the Women's Meeting.
If I took away anything from the Women's Meeting this evening, it was a message of a need for greater unity, love, and service. From Sister Wixom: "As individuals we are strong. Together, with God, we are unstoppable." From Sister Oscarson: "We must stop concentrating on our differences and look for what we have in common" and "I invite you to not only love each other more but love each other better." From Sister Burton: "Help Wanted: Women to lift one another with love." And from President Eyring: "You are more alike as daughters of God than you are different." This underlying theme struck home on multiple levels.
First, several of the talks mentioned preparing Young Women for the transition to Relief Society, helping them to understand the sisterhood that exists and to have a desire to join this wonderful worldwide sisterhood. This is necessary; it is also necessary for those who are already in Relief Society to open their arms and hearts to those who are joining or returning. We could all be better, more welcoming. I think I speak for many young single adults when I say that it can be very difficult for us to feel like we belong somewhere. But in Relief Society, of all places, we should feel that we belong. I can't limit it just to the young single adults, though. I know there are others who would love to find the friends and support they need. We all need to be more conscious of those who need a hand of friendship. I definitely include myself in that. If Relief Society is about sisterhood, then let's be sisters--daughters of God, and disciples of Jesus Christ. If this is our focus, Relief Society will become a truly welcoming place for all sisters. Also from Sister Burton's talk, "Our true identity is that of a disciple of Jesus Christ!" Let us seek to live up to that identity.
The other thought I had as I considered this was regarding factions that have arisen within the Church. It was mentioned that it is the adversary who wants to divide us and emphasize our differences. If we all believe in and are seeking to live the gospel of Jesus Christ, we have so much in common! I don't believe this means that I have to embrace the things that I still believe to be contrary to the teachings of the gospel. However, I could be better at showing love and compassion, at focusing on our similarities as daughters of God. We are Christ's when we stand together in unity as His disciples. It is the adversary who wants to see us divided against each other. So let's learn to stand together.
All of this brings me to what may have been my favorite moment of the entire meeting: Sister Wixom had the 8-11 year old girls sing the first verse of "Teach Me to Walk in the Light":
Teach me to walk in the light of his love;
Teach me to pray to my Father above;
Teach me to know of the things that are right;
Teach me, teach me to walk in the light.
Come, little child, and together we'll learn
Of his commandments, that we may return
Home to his presence, to live in his sight--
Always, always to walk in the light.
Luana's drawing (an example of what Primary children can offer)
If I took away anything from the Women's Meeting this evening, it was a message of a need for greater unity, love, and service. From Sister Wixom: "As individuals we are strong. Together, with God, we are unstoppable." From Sister Oscarson: "We must stop concentrating on our differences and look for what we have in common" and "I invite you to not only love each other more but love each other better." From Sister Burton: "Help Wanted: Women to lift one another with love." And from President Eyring: "You are more alike as daughters of God than you are different." This underlying theme struck home on multiple levels.
First, several of the talks mentioned preparing Young Women for the transition to Relief Society, helping them to understand the sisterhood that exists and to have a desire to join this wonderful worldwide sisterhood. This is necessary; it is also necessary for those who are already in Relief Society to open their arms and hearts to those who are joining or returning. We could all be better, more welcoming. I think I speak for many young single adults when I say that it can be very difficult for us to feel like we belong somewhere. But in Relief Society, of all places, we should feel that we belong. I can't limit it just to the young single adults, though. I know there are others who would love to find the friends and support they need. We all need to be more conscious of those who need a hand of friendship. I definitely include myself in that. If Relief Society is about sisterhood, then let's be sisters--daughters of God, and disciples of Jesus Christ. If this is our focus, Relief Society will become a truly welcoming place for all sisters. Also from Sister Burton's talk, "Our true identity is that of a disciple of Jesus Christ!" Let us seek to live up to that identity.
The other thought I had as I considered this was regarding factions that have arisen within the Church. It was mentioned that it is the adversary who wants to divide us and emphasize our differences. If we all believe in and are seeking to live the gospel of Jesus Christ, we have so much in common! I don't believe this means that I have to embrace the things that I still believe to be contrary to the teachings of the gospel. However, I could be better at showing love and compassion, at focusing on our similarities as daughters of God. We are Christ's when we stand together in unity as His disciples. It is the adversary who wants to see us divided against each other. So let's learn to stand together.
All of this brings me to what may have been my favorite moment of the entire meeting: Sister Wixom had the 8-11 year old girls sing the first verse of "Teach Me to Walk in the Light":
Teach me to walk in the light of his love;
Teach me to pray to my Father above;
Teach me to know of the things that are right;
Teach me, teach me to walk in the light.
Then, everyone 12 and up sang the second verse:
Of his commandments, that we may return
Home to his presence, to live in his sight--
Always, always to walk in the light.
I couldn't help smiling, and I couldn't help but feel that we were all unified in this desire of teaching and learning together. It is not just the Relief Society that is a worldwide sisterhood. We have a responsibility to the Young Women and the Primary as well, and all three organizations can serve each other. We are all sisters. I believe this is the message that our leaders wanted to convey. Even before the conference, when some people were questioning the wisdom of having a meeting for ages 8 and above, I was very excited! This would be the perfect opportunity for mothers and daughters, for women and girls of all ages, to come together in sisterhood, to learn the gospel together, and to continue discussing the gospel as they returned home. It would be added encouragement for all ages to learn and study together. This was reinforced so strongly for me this evening! There were beautiful messages, meant for all who were there. Reach out in sisterhood! Reach out to those younger than you, and to those older than you. We all need each other, and we all have something to offer. Let us be sure to remember that "[we] are more alike as daughters of God than [we] are different" and focus our energies so that we can say in all integrity, "Our true identity is that of a disciple of Jesus Christ!"
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart...
This morning I was struck by some of Elder Holland's words, as I listened again to his talk from October 2012: The First Great Commandment. As we have often read, "Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets" (New Testament, Matthew 22:38).
Elder Holland's talk was focused on how we demonstrate our love for God, beautifully illustrated through a personal account of the apostles following Christ's resurrection. Many of us have read and reread the New Testament account, where the resurrected Lord visits His apostles on the shores of Galilee and questions Peter: "Lovest thou me?" But Elder Holland's interpretation of the Savior's message is striking: "Then Peter, why are you here? Why are we back on this same shore, by these same nets, having this same conversation? Wasn't it obvious then and isn't it obvious now that if I want fish, I can get fish? What I need, Peter, are disciples—and I need them forever. I need someone to feed my sheep and save my lambs. I need someone to preach my gospel and defend my faith. I need someone who loves me, truly, truly loves me, and loves what our Father in Heaven has commissioned me to do. Ours is not a feeble message. It is not a fleeting task. It is not hapless; it is not hopeless; it is not to be consigned to the ash heap of history. It is the work of Almighty God, and it is to change the world. So, Peter, for the second and presumably the last time, I am asking you to leave all this and to go teach and testify, labor and serve loyally until the day in which they will do to you exactly what they did to me." In other words, Christ may have been asking Peter why he had returned to his former life, after serving with Christ in His ministry and witnessing not only His death, but more importantly His resurrection.
The words hit home even more forcefully as Elder Holland applied this message to us today. First: "So we have neighbors to bless, children to protect, the poor to lift up, and the truth to defend. We have wrongs to make right, truths to share, and good to do. In short, we have a life of devoted discipleship to give in demonstrating our love of the Lord. We can’t quit and we can’t go back. After an encounter with the living Son of the living God, nothing is ever again to be as it was before. The Crucifixion, Atonement, and Resurrection of Jesus Christ mark the beginning of a Christian life, not the end of it." Read that again, especially the following: We can't quit and we can't go back. When we know, we have a responsibility to live and to share. When we have received a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, we must hold fast to it!
Next, he issues an invitation to all either to come or to come back, to learn and continue learning and striving to keep the commandments, to make and keep sacred covenants. The following, especially, stood out to me: "I include in that call to fixed faithfulness every returned missionary who ever stood in a baptismal font and with arm to the square said, 'Having been commissioned of Jesus Christ.' That commission was to have changed your convert forever, but it was surely supposed to have changed you forever as well."
My heart breaks as I think of people I love--family, friends--and of people I have never met who have let go, who have turned back. In my responsibility to feed the Lord's sheep, not to quit, not to look back, what can I do? How can I help? The Lord is ever ready to receive those who will turn unto Him. He always loves His children. If my heart breaks as I see those I love turn away, how His heart must break as He sees the same--as He sees those for whom He gave His life turn away from Him. He will always fulfill His covenants, but if we want to receive the blessings promised in those covenants, we must fulfill our part of those covenants. "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!" (New Testament, Matthew 23:37). And from the Book of Mormon, "And again, how oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, yea, O ye people of the house of Israel, who have fallen; yea, O ye people of the house of Israel, ye that dwell at Jerusalem, as ye that have fallen; yea, how oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens, and ye would not. O ye house of Israel whom I have spared, how oft will I gather you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, if ye will repent and return unto me with full purpose of heart" (3 Nephi 10:5-6). He is waiting. Will we heed Him? Will we heed His living prophets? Will we return unto Him and allow Him to bless us?
As I pondered on this talk today, I also thought of President Uchtdorf's talk from April 2008, Faith of Our Father. He quote the chorus of the hymn, "Faith of our fathers, holy faith, we will be true to thee till death!" (LDS Hymns, #84). He described the pioneer ancestry of many members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. However, he also mentioned that there are many who do not have pioneer heritage, whose ancestors were of other religions. (In spite of my own pioneer heritage in one line, a mere century ago the faith of my fathers could have included at least the following religions: Catholic, Lutheran, and Church of Ireland.) However, we are not dishonoring them by living the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. Rather, we honor them and generations before as we worship the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; the God of Enoch and Noah; the God of Adam and Eve. "The faith of our Father in Heaven has been consistent since the beginning of time, even from before the foundation of this world.... Therefore, do we not owe our allegiance to God, our Heavenly Father?"
President Uchtdorf bears strong and powerful testimony: "I testify that the doctrine of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ is the faith of our Heavenly Father. It is His truth, revealed to His servants the prophets from the days of Father Adam until our own time.... Our Heavenly Father loves His children. He hears the prayers of the humble and sincere of every nation, tongue, and people. He grants light to those who seek and honor Him and are willing to obey His commandments. We joyously proclaim that the faith of our Father is on the earth today." Then he also extends an invitation: "We invite everyone on this beautiful planet to taste of His doctrine and see if it is not sweet and good and precious. We ask those of sincere heart to learn of this doctrine and ask their Father in Heaven if it is not true. And by doing so, all can discover, embrace, and walk in the true faith of their Father, which faith will make them whole."
Accept this invitation. This is not a gospel of fear, but a gospel of love. The doctrine teaches us that we can repent and turn to our Heavenly Father and serve Him. By serving His children and sharing His gospel with them, we demonstrate our love for Him. Will we do so? Will we receive the love He is so eager to offer us? "I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me" (LDS Hymns, # 193). I can't possibly understand it. I can't possibly return it. But I can do my best to serve Him by loving serving His children.
These are some of my thoughts. But I also know that each person who studies and prays with faith is entitled to inspiration. I have included links to both conference talks that I have quoted here. Read them for yourself. Ponder on their meaning. Seek the Lord's guidance.
In so many ways, I still feel at a loss as to what I can do. The Lord has asked us all to participate in hastening the work of salvation. There are people I want very much to help, to remind them of the things they already know. But I don't know how. What I do know is that Heavenly Father loves them; they are among His children. Jesus Christ loves them; He suffered and died to atone for their sins and shortcomings, just as He did for me. Perhaps in some way I can help to remind them of that amazing love. I am still learning, too. As I said, I do not understand the love our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ feel for us, nor do I believe that I can understand it in mortality. Similarly, I do not fully understand how to feed Christ's lambs. I am continually reminded that living the commandments, keeping my covenants, living up to my privileges--all require humility and reliance on my Savior, Jesus Christ. I continue to seek His guidance, and I hope that one day I can answer, as Elder Holland describes in his talk: "the voice of Christ comes ringing down through the halls of time, asking each one of us while there is time, 'Do you love me?' And for every one of us, I answer with my honor and my soul, 'Yea, Lord, we do love thee.' And having set our 'hand to the plough,' we will never look back until this work is finished and love of God and neighbor rules the world."
Elder Holland's talk was focused on how we demonstrate our love for God, beautifully illustrated through a personal account of the apostles following Christ's resurrection. Many of us have read and reread the New Testament account, where the resurrected Lord visits His apostles on the shores of Galilee and questions Peter: "Lovest thou me?" But Elder Holland's interpretation of the Savior's message is striking: "Then Peter, why are you here? Why are we back on this same shore, by these same nets, having this same conversation? Wasn't it obvious then and isn't it obvious now that if I want fish, I can get fish? What I need, Peter, are disciples—and I need them forever. I need someone to feed my sheep and save my lambs. I need someone to preach my gospel and defend my faith. I need someone who loves me, truly, truly loves me, and loves what our Father in Heaven has commissioned me to do. Ours is not a feeble message. It is not a fleeting task. It is not hapless; it is not hopeless; it is not to be consigned to the ash heap of history. It is the work of Almighty God, and it is to change the world. So, Peter, for the second and presumably the last time, I am asking you to leave all this and to go teach and testify, labor and serve loyally until the day in which they will do to you exactly what they did to me." In other words, Christ may have been asking Peter why he had returned to his former life, after serving with Christ in His ministry and witnessing not only His death, but more importantly His resurrection.
The words hit home even more forcefully as Elder Holland applied this message to us today. First: "So we have neighbors to bless, children to protect, the poor to lift up, and the truth to defend. We have wrongs to make right, truths to share, and good to do. In short, we have a life of devoted discipleship to give in demonstrating our love of the Lord. We can’t quit and we can’t go back. After an encounter with the living Son of the living God, nothing is ever again to be as it was before. The Crucifixion, Atonement, and Resurrection of Jesus Christ mark the beginning of a Christian life, not the end of it." Read that again, especially the following: We can't quit and we can't go back. When we know, we have a responsibility to live and to share. When we have received a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, we must hold fast to it!
Next, he issues an invitation to all either to come or to come back, to learn and continue learning and striving to keep the commandments, to make and keep sacred covenants. The following, especially, stood out to me: "I include in that call to fixed faithfulness every returned missionary who ever stood in a baptismal font and with arm to the square said, 'Having been commissioned of Jesus Christ.' That commission was to have changed your convert forever, but it was surely supposed to have changed you forever as well."
My heart breaks as I think of people I love--family, friends--and of people I have never met who have let go, who have turned back. In my responsibility to feed the Lord's sheep, not to quit, not to look back, what can I do? How can I help? The Lord is ever ready to receive those who will turn unto Him. He always loves His children. If my heart breaks as I see those I love turn away, how His heart must break as He sees the same--as He sees those for whom He gave His life turn away from Him. He will always fulfill His covenants, but if we want to receive the blessings promised in those covenants, we must fulfill our part of those covenants. "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!" (New Testament, Matthew 23:37). And from the Book of Mormon, "And again, how oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, yea, O ye people of the house of Israel, who have fallen; yea, O ye people of the house of Israel, ye that dwell at Jerusalem, as ye that have fallen; yea, how oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens, and ye would not. O ye house of Israel whom I have spared, how oft will I gather you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, if ye will repent and return unto me with full purpose of heart" (3 Nephi 10:5-6). He is waiting. Will we heed Him? Will we heed His living prophets? Will we return unto Him and allow Him to bless us?
As I pondered on this talk today, I also thought of President Uchtdorf's talk from April 2008, Faith of Our Father. He quote the chorus of the hymn, "Faith of our fathers, holy faith, we will be true to thee till death!" (LDS Hymns, #84). He described the pioneer ancestry of many members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. However, he also mentioned that there are many who do not have pioneer heritage, whose ancestors were of other religions. (In spite of my own pioneer heritage in one line, a mere century ago the faith of my fathers could have included at least the following religions: Catholic, Lutheran, and Church of Ireland.) However, we are not dishonoring them by living the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. Rather, we honor them and generations before as we worship the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; the God of Enoch and Noah; the God of Adam and Eve. "The faith of our Father in Heaven has been consistent since the beginning of time, even from before the foundation of this world.... Therefore, do we not owe our allegiance to God, our Heavenly Father?"
President Uchtdorf bears strong and powerful testimony: "I testify that the doctrine of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ is the faith of our Heavenly Father. It is His truth, revealed to His servants the prophets from the days of Father Adam until our own time.... Our Heavenly Father loves His children. He hears the prayers of the humble and sincere of every nation, tongue, and people. He grants light to those who seek and honor Him and are willing to obey His commandments. We joyously proclaim that the faith of our Father is on the earth today." Then he also extends an invitation: "We invite everyone on this beautiful planet to taste of His doctrine and see if it is not sweet and good and precious. We ask those of sincere heart to learn of this doctrine and ask their Father in Heaven if it is not true. And by doing so, all can discover, embrace, and walk in the true faith of their Father, which faith will make them whole."
Accept this invitation. This is not a gospel of fear, but a gospel of love. The doctrine teaches us that we can repent and turn to our Heavenly Father and serve Him. By serving His children and sharing His gospel with them, we demonstrate our love for Him. Will we do so? Will we receive the love He is so eager to offer us? "I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me" (LDS Hymns, # 193). I can't possibly understand it. I can't possibly return it. But I can do my best to serve Him by loving serving His children.
These are some of my thoughts. But I also know that each person who studies and prays with faith is entitled to inspiration. I have included links to both conference talks that I have quoted here. Read them for yourself. Ponder on their meaning. Seek the Lord's guidance.
In so many ways, I still feel at a loss as to what I can do. The Lord has asked us all to participate in hastening the work of salvation. There are people I want very much to help, to remind them of the things they already know. But I don't know how. What I do know is that Heavenly Father loves them; they are among His children. Jesus Christ loves them; He suffered and died to atone for their sins and shortcomings, just as He did for me. Perhaps in some way I can help to remind them of that amazing love. I am still learning, too. As I said, I do not understand the love our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ feel for us, nor do I believe that I can understand it in mortality. Similarly, I do not fully understand how to feed Christ's lambs. I am continually reminded that living the commandments, keeping my covenants, living up to my privileges--all require humility and reliance on my Savior, Jesus Christ. I continue to seek His guidance, and I hope that one day I can answer, as Elder Holland describes in his talk: "the voice of Christ comes ringing down through the halls of time, asking each one of us while there is time, 'Do you love me?' And for every one of us, I answer with my honor and my soul, 'Yea, Lord, we do love thee.' And having set our 'hand to the plough,' we will never look back until this work is finished and love of God and neighbor rules the world."
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Train Up a Child in the Way he Should Go...
I have sometimes heard it suggested that parents should not "force" their beliefs on their children, but rather let the children decide for themselves what they will do and believe. This may come most often from those who are not parents, but some who are parents take this route and interpret it to mean that they should not teach their children their religion. The first time I remember hearing this concept in a direct way (rather than just observing it), I was shocked. (I won't say which religion was mentioned specifically then, because I don't want to point fingers, because they represented what I'm certain is a minority, and because I believe this attitude extends across religions.) Judeo-Christian beliefs should hold to the proverb "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Old Testament, Proverbs 22:6). However, this group of which the article spoke seemed to believe children would turn out "just fine" without this training.
The biggest problem I see with this attitude relates to moral agency. Some might suggest that children are given greater agency when left to decide for themselves. It's not true! "Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself. Wherefore, man could not act for himself save it should be that he was enticed by the one or the other" (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:16). We must be enticed by the one or the other. In order for this to be the case, we must have some understanding of both things--both good and evil. That is, we must know the difference between good and evil. If we don't know, are we really choosing? Do we even have the ability to choose?
Throughout the last several days, another scripture has kept coming to mind: "And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents" (Doctrine & Covenants 68:25). That is powerful! Not only are parents who do not teach their children the gospel limiting their children's agency, they are jeopardizing their own salvation. That is quite the paradox, as well--in an effort to allow their children to choose, they actually limit their children's agency as well as their own (since any person's agency is limited by the sins of which they have not repented).
I am grateful to my parents for teaching me the gospel of Jesus Christ and giving me the freedom to make decisions. As my knowledge and understanding increased, and as I demonstrated to them that they could trust me in that knowledge and understanding, there were decisions that I was allowed to make on my own--some small, some larger. I think they always expressed in some way what they thought or felt, but the decision was mine to make.
Even when it came to baptism, I was not forced to be baptized! However, I was taught "to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old," and as my eighth birthday approached, I was excited to be baptized. Perhaps I didn't fully understand at that time. In fact, I'm certain I didn't. But I had been taught to love the gospel, and I knew that my Heavenly Father loved me and that it was what He wanted me to do.
I was allowed to make my own decisions in such cases as a fifth grade field trip that my mom wasn't overly excited about, skipping a grade in school, and many other (often smaller) things. I was always encouraged to pray, but unless they knew something would be harmful to me, many decisions were mine to make, even if I was still very young.
Another argument would be for individuality. Some might say that teaching your children your beliefs, "forcing" them to believe, does not allow them to develop as their own individuals. Again, they have it backwards! Children will follow something--they have a natural inclination and even a need to follow something. If they do not learn that something at home, where will they learn it? Whom or what will they follow? We establish individual identity not by breaking away from the traditions of our parents, but by holding fast to our Heavenly Father's plan and understanding that we are His children. Above all, I am a child of God, and nothing is more important in defining my identity or individuality. It is because I was raised in the gospel of Jesus Christ that I know who I am and what I can become.
Because I was taught the gospel, I feel that I have far greater freedom and independence than I would otherwise have. I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father, and as such, I have a divine potential. Without that knowledge, my choices would be severely limited. But I do know. And because I know, and because I continue to study and learn and rely on the Spirit, my choices expand as my ability to discern between good and evil increases.
Those who have the restored gospel of Jesus Christ would do well to remember Lehi's words to his son Jacob: "Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth, that they may know that there is no flesh that can dwell in the presence of God, save it be through the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah, who layeth down his life according to the flesh, and taketh it again by the power of the Spirit, that he may bring to pass the resurrection of the dead, being the first that should rise" (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:8). We have a responsibility to teach the gospel, especially to our own families, not because we want to take away their agency, but because a person cannot choose without knowing all of the options.
We do not limit our children by teaching them to believe in Christ and in His gospel. Rather, we expand their horizons and open so many more opportunities to them, both now and in the eternities. Neglecting to teach them limits them. Teaching them opens the world to them and opens their minds and hearts to receive truth wherever it is to be found. Which do you want for your children?
The biggest problem I see with this attitude relates to moral agency. Some might suggest that children are given greater agency when left to decide for themselves. It's not true! "Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself. Wherefore, man could not act for himself save it should be that he was enticed by the one or the other" (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:16). We must be enticed by the one or the other. In order for this to be the case, we must have some understanding of both things--both good and evil. That is, we must know the difference between good and evil. If we don't know, are we really choosing? Do we even have the ability to choose?
Throughout the last several days, another scripture has kept coming to mind: "And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents" (Doctrine & Covenants 68:25). That is powerful! Not only are parents who do not teach their children the gospel limiting their children's agency, they are jeopardizing their own salvation. That is quite the paradox, as well--in an effort to allow their children to choose, they actually limit their children's agency as well as their own (since any person's agency is limited by the sins of which they have not repented).
I am grateful to my parents for teaching me the gospel of Jesus Christ and giving me the freedom to make decisions. As my knowledge and understanding increased, and as I demonstrated to them that they could trust me in that knowledge and understanding, there were decisions that I was allowed to make on my own--some small, some larger. I think they always expressed in some way what they thought or felt, but the decision was mine to make.
Even when it came to baptism, I was not forced to be baptized! However, I was taught "to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old," and as my eighth birthday approached, I was excited to be baptized. Perhaps I didn't fully understand at that time. In fact, I'm certain I didn't. But I had been taught to love the gospel, and I knew that my Heavenly Father loved me and that it was what He wanted me to do.
I was allowed to make my own decisions in such cases as a fifth grade field trip that my mom wasn't overly excited about, skipping a grade in school, and many other (often smaller) things. I was always encouraged to pray, but unless they knew something would be harmful to me, many decisions were mine to make, even if I was still very young.
Another argument would be for individuality. Some might say that teaching your children your beliefs, "forcing" them to believe, does not allow them to develop as their own individuals. Again, they have it backwards! Children will follow something--they have a natural inclination and even a need to follow something. If they do not learn that something at home, where will they learn it? Whom or what will they follow? We establish individual identity not by breaking away from the traditions of our parents, but by holding fast to our Heavenly Father's plan and understanding that we are His children. Above all, I am a child of God, and nothing is more important in defining my identity or individuality. It is because I was raised in the gospel of Jesus Christ that I know who I am and what I can become.
Because I was taught the gospel, I feel that I have far greater freedom and independence than I would otherwise have. I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father, and as such, I have a divine potential. Without that knowledge, my choices would be severely limited. But I do know. And because I know, and because I continue to study and learn and rely on the Spirit, my choices expand as my ability to discern between good and evil increases.
Those who have the restored gospel of Jesus Christ would do well to remember Lehi's words to his son Jacob: "Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth, that they may know that there is no flesh that can dwell in the presence of God, save it be through the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah, who layeth down his life according to the flesh, and taketh it again by the power of the Spirit, that he may bring to pass the resurrection of the dead, being the first that should rise" (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:8). We have a responsibility to teach the gospel, especially to our own families, not because we want to take away their agency, but because a person cannot choose without knowing all of the options.
We do not limit our children by teaching them to believe in Christ and in His gospel. Rather, we expand their horizons and open so many more opportunities to them, both now and in the eternities. Neglecting to teach them limits them. Teaching them opens the world to them and opens their minds and hearts to receive truth wherever it is to be found. Which do you want for your children?
Friday, December 13, 2013
Decisions, Decisions
To add to necessary decision-making, I have been debating whether or not to post these thoughts. I believe I will now, not because I want to complain or ask for sympathy (I don't!), but because I know there are others whose feelings are much the same as mine, though our individual stories differ. I've read some similar thoughts recently, and I've talked with friends and acquaintances whose feelings and desires are much the same.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about various things—specifically how my life has not necessarily gone how I had planned or hoped or dreamed. Now, I’m not saying that I’m unhappy with where I am or with the things I have been able to do. Honestly, my life is pretty good. And I know I’ve been able to offer help to family and friends, to join activities on the spur of the moment, to do many things that I might not be able to do if I had my dream and were a wife and a mother. However, as the days go by, I find that my greatest desire becomes more and more unreachable... and yet the desire has not decreased, and I also still feel that I would readily give up everything for it. Sometimes I feel a lot like Rapunzel in Tangled: “When will my life begin?” To paraphrase the title of a blog I saw early this week, I am happy with my life... but I also can't help feeling that there is something missing.
I think part of the reason I’ve been thinking so much is because I struggle with making major life decisions. Does anyone find it easy, though? And there are so many decisions I never planned on making alone…
I do realize that marriage is a major life decision, which impacts both the present and eternity. The difference is that I have always planned on making that decision. But as time goes on, I wonder whether I will have an opportunity to make that decision.
All through Young Women, we were taught the importance of marriage and motherhood. Education was also emphasized, and for me that was also a given. So until just before I turned 21, my life was pretty well planned out. Were there still decisions to make? Certainly, but they all fell within a track that I had always planned to follow. I left home to study, I enjoyed my time at school, and I completed my bachelor’s degree.
At that point, I still wasn’t entirely at a loss for what to do next. I had always considered serving a mission as a possibility at least, and sometime during my studies I began to feel strongly that it was what I should do. But this also brought its challenges. I was prepared to go and had my papers completed in early May 2004—three months before my 21st birthday. Because of circumstances outside of my control, I was not able to begin serving until July 2005. During that time of waiting, I often found myself wondering what my next step should be. What if it didn’t work out, despite the strong impressions I continued to have that serving a mission was the right choice for me? What was I going to do?
When I was finally called, it was as a service missionary in Family and Church History. Because of this (the timing and the fact that it was a service mission), my original plan was to serve for a year. This made sense, since I had graduated with a teaching certificate and would need time to find a job. But as the end of that year approached, I found myself once again faced with a decision, and nothing felt quite right. I looked at the options for teaching and sent out my teaching portfolio to a couple of school districts, including one where I knew there was a German teacher leaving her position. I never heard from any of them. I toyed with the idea of going back to BYU to get a master’s degree there. But I wasn’t sure of that, either. In the meantime, I received an unquestionable answer through the Holy Ghost that I was to extend my mission for another 6 months. I did that eagerly, knowing that there was a good chance I would never teach after that, and not knowing for sure what would come next.
Somewhere during that time, I also realized how much I enjoyed the work I was doing. I began to hope that there might be a small possibility of being hired on after my mission and continuing the work I was already doing. In this, too, I did not know anything immediately, although ultimately I was not disappointed. After extending my mission, I finished just before Christmas 2006. I spent the holiday with my family, and it was not until a day or two before coming back to Salt Lake that I received a call letting me know I would have a temporary (six month) position. Until then, I had once again been wondering where I would go and what I would do next.
Since I only had a temporary position, I tried to put out some feelers during those six months, watching for other job openings in the Family History Department (things I might actually qualify for…), as well as applying for a couple of openings at the public library. Again, nothing: not even a courtesy email or phone call to let me know I had not been chosen. I was searching myself, wondering again where I might be able to go next, hoping it would be somewhere I would enjoy. Thankfully, I was eventually hired on permanently, but I was again left hanging; HR actually extended my temp position by a couple of weeks, and at the end of that time, I finally received a full-time offer.
This sounds like a lot of blessings, and I will definitely admit that such is the case. But part of the reason this was difficult for me is because I had never really planned on looking for a career. My youngest sister asked me a few years ago, “When you were my age, did you know what you wanted to be when you grew up?” I told her no, but that wasn’t entirely true; my mom overheard and answered, “Yes. A mother.” And it’s true.
So here I am, and I’m facing another decision. One I never imagined having to make. I turn 31 next summer, which means the end of being a “young single adult” in the Church. So what’s next? I’m not eager to go to a mid-single’s ward. They’re too big, and I don’t want to feel like I’m required to have a car just to go to a ward, anyway. What then? I would love to be in a ward where I could serve in Primary or Young Women’s. But for where I live now, that would require special permission, since the family wards in the local stake are typically only for those who have families. I’ve seriously considered moving. But it scares me. Besides, right now I live in a perfect location for work, for many activities of various kinds, for attending the temple, for visiting the Family History Library, and so forth. If I move, I’ll have to commute to work. I’ll have to have much more careful planning for attending the temple and for any evening activities. I may have to get a car.
And so I feel a little lost. On the one hand, it would be really nice to buy a house, to have a place that is truly my own. On the other hand… well, let’s just say that it is not a decision I ever planned to make alone. And when it comes right down to it, there are so many things I wouldn’t be able to take care of on my own: from things as simple as changing a light bulb, on to bigger things like caring for a yard and shoveling snow.
So what do I do? Where do I go from here? As I’ve already said, I would willingly give up what I have now to marry and have a family. That has always been my dream. But it may never happen; I’m gradually becoming resigned to that, though I hate the idea of going through the rest of life alone.
Perhaps I feel a bit like Zacharias and Elisabeth, who say in the production Savior of the World that they have not given up hope, but that they have given up their demands. I can't demand that the Lord give me my desires--not even when they are righteous desires. But I can continue to hope and pray and trust in Him, that (to quote Zacharias and Elisabeth in Savior of the World again), "He will fulfill His promises... in His own due time."
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about various things—specifically how my life has not necessarily gone how I had planned or hoped or dreamed. Now, I’m not saying that I’m unhappy with where I am or with the things I have been able to do. Honestly, my life is pretty good. And I know I’ve been able to offer help to family and friends, to join activities on the spur of the moment, to do many things that I might not be able to do if I had my dream and were a wife and a mother. However, as the days go by, I find that my greatest desire becomes more and more unreachable... and yet the desire has not decreased, and I also still feel that I would readily give up everything for it. Sometimes I feel a lot like Rapunzel in Tangled: “When will my life begin?” To paraphrase the title of a blog I saw early this week, I am happy with my life... but I also can't help feeling that there is something missing.
I think part of the reason I’ve been thinking so much is because I struggle with making major life decisions. Does anyone find it easy, though? And there are so many decisions I never planned on making alone…
I do realize that marriage is a major life decision, which impacts both the present and eternity. The difference is that I have always planned on making that decision. But as time goes on, I wonder whether I will have an opportunity to make that decision.
All through Young Women, we were taught the importance of marriage and motherhood. Education was also emphasized, and for me that was also a given. So until just before I turned 21, my life was pretty well planned out. Were there still decisions to make? Certainly, but they all fell within a track that I had always planned to follow. I left home to study, I enjoyed my time at school, and I completed my bachelor’s degree.
At that point, I still wasn’t entirely at a loss for what to do next. I had always considered serving a mission as a possibility at least, and sometime during my studies I began to feel strongly that it was what I should do. But this also brought its challenges. I was prepared to go and had my papers completed in early May 2004—three months before my 21st birthday. Because of circumstances outside of my control, I was not able to begin serving until July 2005. During that time of waiting, I often found myself wondering what my next step should be. What if it didn’t work out, despite the strong impressions I continued to have that serving a mission was the right choice for me? What was I going to do?
When I was finally called, it was as a service missionary in Family and Church History. Because of this (the timing and the fact that it was a service mission), my original plan was to serve for a year. This made sense, since I had graduated with a teaching certificate and would need time to find a job. But as the end of that year approached, I found myself once again faced with a decision, and nothing felt quite right. I looked at the options for teaching and sent out my teaching portfolio to a couple of school districts, including one where I knew there was a German teacher leaving her position. I never heard from any of them. I toyed with the idea of going back to BYU to get a master’s degree there. But I wasn’t sure of that, either. In the meantime, I received an unquestionable answer through the Holy Ghost that I was to extend my mission for another 6 months. I did that eagerly, knowing that there was a good chance I would never teach after that, and not knowing for sure what would come next.
Somewhere during that time, I also realized how much I enjoyed the work I was doing. I began to hope that there might be a small possibility of being hired on after my mission and continuing the work I was already doing. In this, too, I did not know anything immediately, although ultimately I was not disappointed. After extending my mission, I finished just before Christmas 2006. I spent the holiday with my family, and it was not until a day or two before coming back to Salt Lake that I received a call letting me know I would have a temporary (six month) position. Until then, I had once again been wondering where I would go and what I would do next.
Since I only had a temporary position, I tried to put out some feelers during those six months, watching for other job openings in the Family History Department (things I might actually qualify for…), as well as applying for a couple of openings at the public library. Again, nothing: not even a courtesy email or phone call to let me know I had not been chosen. I was searching myself, wondering again where I might be able to go next, hoping it would be somewhere I would enjoy. Thankfully, I was eventually hired on permanently, but I was again left hanging; HR actually extended my temp position by a couple of weeks, and at the end of that time, I finally received a full-time offer.
This sounds like a lot of blessings, and I will definitely admit that such is the case. But part of the reason this was difficult for me is because I had never really planned on looking for a career. My youngest sister asked me a few years ago, “When you were my age, did you know what you wanted to be when you grew up?” I told her no, but that wasn’t entirely true; my mom overheard and answered, “Yes. A mother.” And it’s true.
So here I am, and I’m facing another decision. One I never imagined having to make. I turn 31 next summer, which means the end of being a “young single adult” in the Church. So what’s next? I’m not eager to go to a mid-single’s ward. They’re too big, and I don’t want to feel like I’m required to have a car just to go to a ward, anyway. What then? I would love to be in a ward where I could serve in Primary or Young Women’s. But for where I live now, that would require special permission, since the family wards in the local stake are typically only for those who have families. I’ve seriously considered moving. But it scares me. Besides, right now I live in a perfect location for work, for many activities of various kinds, for attending the temple, for visiting the Family History Library, and so forth. If I move, I’ll have to commute to work. I’ll have to have much more careful planning for attending the temple and for any evening activities. I may have to get a car.
And so I feel a little lost. On the one hand, it would be really nice to buy a house, to have a place that is truly my own. On the other hand… well, let’s just say that it is not a decision I ever planned to make alone. And when it comes right down to it, there are so many things I wouldn’t be able to take care of on my own: from things as simple as changing a light bulb, on to bigger things like caring for a yard and shoveling snow.
So what do I do? Where do I go from here? As I’ve already said, I would willingly give up what I have now to marry and have a family. That has always been my dream. But it may never happen; I’m gradually becoming resigned to that, though I hate the idea of going through the rest of life alone.
Perhaps I feel a bit like Zacharias and Elisabeth, who say in the production Savior of the World that they have not given up hope, but that they have given up their demands. I can't demand that the Lord give me my desires--not even when they are righteous desires. But I can continue to hope and pray and trust in Him, that (to quote Zacharias and Elisabeth in Savior of the World again), "He will fulfill His promises... in His own due time."
Until then, I guess I have some decisions to make. Alone. Not without prayer. Not without seeking advice where I feel I need it. But still alone.
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