Disciple of Jesus Christ - American - Friend - Neighbor

I have so many thoughts right now. Thoughts stemming from accusations appearing all over Facebook. Accusations that many Americans are Nazis. Assumptions that anyone who voted a certain way must support everything that is happening since. Finger pointing. Anger.

Here's the thing. This attitude is un-American. It's un-Christian. And it's unhelpful. More than ever, we need to strengthen relationships with our families, friends, and neighbors. I initially thought of responses to this overall attitude that would point out the irony of it. Responses that were almost retaliatory. But it's not worth it.

It's not worth it, because I'm not really angry. I'm sad. I'm sad to see the way Americans are treating each other. I'm sad to see the way people who claim to be Christian are talking about each other. I'm sad to see relationships torn apart.

The longer time goes on, the less I identify with any political party. Neither one has all the answers. Perhaps they don't have any of the answers. But I don't want politics to be part of my identity. I didn't feel that we had any good choices in the most recent presidential election. But how I voted, or if I voted, or what the outcome was isn't the purpose of my blog post. Don't misunderstand. It doesn't mean I won't be involved in politics and make my voice heard in what is right. That is not what I am saying. But I don't identify with any party or candidate. I can't.

President Nelson has told us which labels we should embrace, how we should identify. I want to embrace all three:

1. Child of God

2. Child of the Covenant

3. Disciple of Christ

If I embrace the identity of a child of God, then I must also embrace the fact that all others on earth are children of God. Our Heavenly Father loves each of His children. He wants us to do the same and to respect one another's agency. Our opinions are going to differ. Nevertheless, each person is deserving of respect and love, especially if they are among those you have ever called "friend."

If I embrace the identity of a child of the covenant, then I must embrace my covenants. This includes standing as a witness of God at all times, and in all things, and in all places. Yes, even on social media. Perhaps especially on social media. I can't hide behind a screen and say things I wouldn't dare say to a person's face. And I can't make accusations against people whose hearts I don't know. God knows their hearts. He knows their pains and their sorrows, as well as their joys. He knows. And I will trust that He knows.

If I embrace the identity of a disciple of Jesus Christ, then I will strive to embody Christlike virtues. I will turn inward to my own shortcomings and seek to repent and to rely on the grace and mercy of God. I will extend that mercy to those around me and to myself. I will be a good friend and neighbor, regardless of differences. Race, gender, religion, disability, politics, etc.--none of that should affect the way we treat each other. Disciples of Christ show love. They seek to understand one another, even if they don't agree with each other. Disciples of Christ love their family, friends, and neighbors and treat them with respect and dignity, regardless of political differences.

Do I have concerns about the current political environment? Absolutely. Do I believe we need to stand up for what is right, including contacting our elected officials to make our voices heard? Most definitely. Do I believe any of the concerns or fears stemming from the current political environment should affect the way I treat my family? My friends? My neighbors? No, never.

We can fight for what is right, but as we do so, we should be reaching out in love to those around us. There will not be world peace until Jesus Christ returns to the earth. But there can be peace in my heart and in my home and community. This peace comes from choosing to follow Jesus Christ, which includes loving your neighbor. "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid" (John 14:27).

Looking Forward With Faith

I was asked to speak today on faith as an attribute of Jesus Christ, as presented in Preach My Gospel. As I have pondered and prepared, I keep coming back to the definition given in Alma 32:21 and in Hebrews 11:1, and how these apply throughout the Book of Mormon and to us today.

From Alma: “And now as I said concerning faith—faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true.” And from Paul to the Hebrews: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

The first principle of the gospel is specifically faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ. In other words, we hope in Him, though we have not seen Him. A simple Primary song reminds us:

“We do not see the wind;
We only hear it sigh.
It makes the grasses bend
Whenever it goes by.

“We do not see God’s love,
But in our hearts we know
He watches over us
Wherever we may go.

“We do not have to see
To know the wind is here;
We do not have to see
To know God’s love is near.”

In the chapters already mentioned, Paul describes what many of the patriarchs of the Old Testament did by faith, while Alma describes treating faith like a seed that we plant and nurture. I would encourage everyone to reread these chapters to be reminded of faith. But my thoughts this week have been continually directed to looking forward with faith.

Nephi said, “And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.” (2 Nephi 25:26) Hundreds of years before Christ was born, the Nephites were focused on His coming and rejoiced in knowing He would come.

Abinadi taught, “And now if Christ had not come into the world, speaking of things to come as though they had already come, there could have been no redemption.” (Mosiah 16:6) His faith was so strong that it did not matter that Christ had not yet been born; he knew the atonement had been promised, and that he would be redeemed.

At the time of Christ’s birth, the believers “…did watch steadfastly for that day and that night and that day which should be as one day as if there were no night, that they might know that their faith had not been vain.” (3 Nephi 1:8) They knew the unbelievers had threatened them with death, but they held fast to their faith and hope in Jesus Christ and His coming. That very night the sign of Christ’s birth, the sign they were waiting and watching for was given.

Moroni describes the wars among the Lamanites after the Nephite civilization had ended: “because of their hatred they put to death every Nephite that will not deny the Christ. And I, Moroni, will not deny the Christ; wherefore, I wander whithersoever I can for the safety of mine own life.” (Moroni 1:2-3)

In some of these cases, a prophet saw a vision following his expression of faith. In many others, the ordinary people heard the words of a prophet, had faith, and nurtured that faith.

We, too, are in a time where we can look forward with faith—in our case to the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. We can nurture our faith in him and in His teachings and trust that He will return to the earth in His glory.

President Nelson has given many teachings of hope and of building faith, as well: “But, my dear brothers and sisters, so many wonderful things are ahead. In coming days, we will see the greatest manifestations of the Savior’s power that the world has ever seen. Between now and the time He returns ‘with power and great glory,’ He will bestow countless privileges, blessings, and miracles upon the faithful.” Are we watching for those manifestations of His power ? We don’t necessarily know what all those privileges, blessings, and miracles may be, but he also has taught us to “seek and expect miracles.” This was part of five steps he gave: “Get on the covenant path and stay there. Experience the joy of repenting daily. Learn about God and how He works. Seek and expect miracles. Strive to end conflict in your life.” As we follow these steps, we will be better equipped to recognize the miracles that come through our faith. We will recognize the manifestations of the Savior’s power.

One miracle I have seen this month was with a cousin. My parents let me know that my aunt had requested prayers for a cousin who had a growth apparently attached to an ovary. The day she went in for surgery, I texted my aunt to let her know the whole family had been on my mind that day and that I had been praying for this cousin. She texted me back, letting me know that the surgery went well, and that they found the growth was attached to the ovary but nothing else. A few days later, she let me know that the biopsy showed it was benign. As a sense of relief washed over me, I offered a prayer of gratitude for the answer to many humble prayers of faith.

Additional blessings are promised as we learn to “hear Him”—to hear the messages our Savior shares with us: “What will happen as you more intentionally hear, hearken, and heed what the Savior has said and what He is saying now through His prophets? I promise that you will be blessed with additional power to deal with temptation, struggles, and weakness. I promise miracles in your marriage, family relationships, and daily work. And I promise that your capacity to feel joy will increase even if turbulence increases in your life.” Do we trust these prophetic promises? Do we believe that they are promised by Jesus Christ through His prophet? As we intentionally increase our faith and follow Jesus Christ, we can find more joy even if turbulence increases!

Finally, “Whatever questions or problems you have, the answer is always found in the life and teachings of Jesus Christ. Learn more about His Atonement, His love, His mercy, His doctrine, and His restored gospel of healing and progression. Turn to Him! Follow Him!” Last fall, our family was able to be in Beaver during the annular eclipse. That was the first time that I had experienced the temperature change associated with an eclipse. Both light and warmth were significantly decreased. I thought of how symbolic that was. Jesus Christ is the way. He is our Redeemer and has prepared the way back to our Heavenly Father. How often do we eclipse His light and love in our own lives by allowing other things to take priority? When we need healing, help, repentance, joy, “the answer is always found in the life and teachings of Jesus Christ.”

I close with more from Alma: “And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.”

Each step of the way in nurturing our faith, we can feel the love of our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. We can eventually partake of the fruit of the tree of life. I know that Jesus Christ has prepared the way back to our Heavenly Father. I am thankful for the strength and reassurance I can receive each day as I turn to Him and trust in Him. I love Him. I know He loves me, and that He loves each of you. I look forward in faith to His return to the earth, when every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that He is our Redeemer. Until that day, we can each strive to come to know Him now. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Have you received His image in your countenance?

I have so many thoughts right now... so many things running through my mind. Among them is a sense of frustration at the number of people who want to cast blame on all whites for the existence of racism. My heart hurts right now. It hurts for what happened to George Floyd. It hurts for the many other cases I may never have heard of. And it hurts for this country and for the rioting that is destroying property and threatening additional lives.

As I've thought about this, and as I glanced at this week's Come, Follow Me reading, I realized how timely these scriptures are once again to what is happening. One of the big problems right now is that everyone is casting blame. I can't even say I'm sad or frustrated with events without being labeled a racist and part of the problem. So I as I looked at the Primary manual, found the coloring page for today's FHE lesson, and thought about the scripture, I realized just how relevant and timely this lesson is.





"And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts? Do ye exercise faith in the redemption of him who created you? Do you look forward with an eye of faith, and view this mortal body raised in immortality, and this corruption raised in incorruption, to stand before God to be judged according to the deeds which have been done in the mortal body? I say unto you, can you imagine to yourselves that ye hear the voice of the Lord, saying unto you, in that day: Come unto me ye blessed, for behold, your works have been the works of righteousness upon the face of the earth?" (Book of Mormon, Alma 5:14-16)

I explained to George and Liam that in chapter 5 of Alma, Alma asks the people a lot of questions that were intended to help them (and us!) become better people. We focused on the question "Have ye received His [Jesus Christ's] image in your countenances?" I explained that "image" is like "picture" and that "countenance" means face. So Alma was asking the people, in essence, "When someone looks at you, can they see Jesus? Or can they see your happiness and want to know Jesus because of you?"

Instead of pointing fingers, we all (and I include myself) need to make time for self-reflection. How do I answer these questions at this time? How do you answer them? (I don't expect you to tell me, anymore than I will answer those for you here; these are very personal, and my answers are between me and my Savior, Whose image I hope I receive in my countenance.) One thing I know: I want to hear the voice of the Lord saying, "Come unto me ye blessed...."

So, when I'm accused of racism simply because I don't understand what others have suffered... I can't help but think that, while I don't fully understand, there is One Who does.

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me." (Book of Mormon, Alma 7:11-13)

Jesus Christ has literally suffered all things in order to redeem us. He knows our every pain and sickness and trial. When it seems that no one else understands, He does. He knows. And though we may not receive just recompense in this life, we will receive it. His mercy and love are extended to all. The degree to which we receive them depends on our acceptance.

I could even add that I have experienced (and still experience) significant prejudice. Not from most people, no, but there are many ignorant people out there. Does it compare to the racism many blacks in our country deal with? Probably not. But I'll add further that when I am in tune with the Holy Ghost, I have the ability to "mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort." (Book of Mormon, Mosiah 18:9) I have had the blessing of understanding through more than one experience that mourning with those that mourn does not mean feeling bad/sorry for them. It means actually experiencing their sorrow with them. The Holy Ghost can teach and guide me and help me to become more like Jesus Christ, including helping me to mourn with those that mourn. The heartache I feel right now is not just for me. It is for so many who are suffering, regardless of race or any other difference we may have.

This isn't about me. This is about recognizing that we are all children of God. This is about coming to love each other as Christ loves us... with a perfect love. In this moment, I know that Jesus Christ is aware of me and of my concerns and doubts and fears, of any pain and frustration I may be feeling. I know that He is also aware of the same for all of God's children throughout the world. He lives. He loves us. He is the Prince of Peace. It is only through Him that we can find peace. And I am grateful that even in a world of turmoil, I can find peace in my home and in my heart as I place my trust in my Savior. I pray that others my see His image reflected in my countenance, that I can live worthily to be able to share the light and love of the gospel and of my Savior. I love Him, and I am so grateful for His atoning sacrifice on my behalf. Through Him, I continue to find light and peace.

Liam's birth story

I haven't really blogged since starting a family. But since I told George's birth story, let's go for Liam's, as well.

It was another very uneventful pregnancy. We did adjust the "due date" early on after two early ultrasounds that showed him as measuring 6-7 days ahead of our guess on dates. There's so little size variation that early that it just made sense. So instead of guessing March 20, we were guessing March 14. (It was probably about January that we scheduled the date of the C-section for March 5.)

We didn't settle on a name for Liam until the day he was born, though we did discuss a few. Throughout the pregnancy, he was just "baby brother," though Josh was regularly referring to him as "Erik." (I don't object to the name; I just wasn't sure yet.) We got George a doll for Christmas to help him prepare a little. While it's never been his favorite toy, he does love his doll.

Liam's movements during the pregnancy were very different from George's. He was a squirmer rather than a kicker, and sometimes that resulted in nausea for me. He was also far more likely to waken me during the night. But even though I definitely dealt with more nausea and stronger gag reflex as a whole than I did with George, I still didn't really have "morning sickness." Also, he was in a transverse lie position throughout the pregnancy (I could always tell that his head was toward my right side), which made it far more comfortable for me to continue functioning, including walking and interacting with George. On the other hand, it means that delivery probably would have been by C-section regardless of who the woman was.

I didn't make it in for blood work the day before this time. The doctor suggested that there would be plenty of time the morning of, so that's what we planned on. Unfortunately, they did not call a phlebotomist to draw blood or let anesthesia place the IV. The nurse struggled, and I definitely ended up with a bruised arm this time. Ugh!!! Also, I think I did have an occasional contraction in the weeks before he was born, but I was definitely having contractions that morning as they were prepping me for surgery. He probably wouldn't have stayed put any longer.

The discussions with anesthesia were more interesting this time--or at least we were more informed. They had their notes from last time, and they could see the tiny scar where the needle had gone in. What we learned, though, is that they actually went in from the side, at an angle. (Because my spine is fused and there's a lot of calcification, they had to find just the right spot for a spinal block.) This time, I feel like they got in much more quickly, even though I'm pretty sure it took just as long for me to get numb afterward.

Overall, I felt like the surgery itself was more uncomfortable than with George. I got through, though. I was once again pleased (as was Josh) to hear a good, strong cry from my baby. From the beginning, his cry was different from George's. He has always been a very particular baby and wants things to be done his way. And while he is generally very happy, he'll definitely let you know if things aren't going his way.

As with George, it was very helpful to me to have Josh holding Liam beside me as they finished putting me back together. It gave me something else to focus on, as I spoke gently to my baby and stroked his head. Josh and I had discussed names a little more about a week or so before he was born, and I told him that I still wasn't sure on a first name. By then, I had decided that I wanted "Werner" as his middle name, but I wasn't sure whether I wanted Erik or Liam. I needed to see him first. I think we were in the recovery room before Josh said to me, "It's Liam, isn't it?" (For background, Werner is my maternal grandfather. He really loves knowing that Liam is named for him! And I didn't want to use the name "William," because I don't care much for "Will" and even less for "Bill." But my maternal grandmother's line has many William's, including her grandfather, as well as her uncle Billy, who is the one who loaned her the money to come to the U.S. Using "Liam" was to honor her, as well.) Yes, he is definitely Liam.

As they transferred me to the bed to wheel me to the recovery room, I could see Liam rooting already as Josh was holding him. Once I was settled, I was able to hold him, as they wheeled me into recovery. Once there, the nurse suggested just doing skin to skin, since babies will often latch on to nurse naturally.  A moment later she turned around and commented, "Whoa!" He was born knowing what to do and was a great nurser. Our only trouble, really, was when my milk came in and his mouth was just too small.

I made it clear this time that I didn't want any oral narcotics at all--only the ibuprofen and Tylenol, alternated. And to be honest, I feel like my recovery was significantly easier this time around. I actually was not very consistent with pain meds after coming home; after George was born, we could keep things within my reach. After Liam was born, that wasn't an option, because that would have meant George could reach them, too. But I did fine. I don't think I took Tylenol at all after leaving the hospital, and ibuprofen only when I remembered I hadn't had it in a while.

It was particularly special to be able to introduce George to his baby brother. He was more interested in all the machines in the hospital room, though. I'm very grateful to my mom and Christine for being here and staying with George during this time, and bringing him back and forth--and helping afterward. I once again spent only 3 days in the hospital. I feel like the nurses tried to make a bigger point of allowing me to rest/sleep this time, but it's still so much easier to sleep at home! I'm also super grateful to Josh for all he did and has continued to do. It's been a fun but rather eventful year. But I did feel the need to get down his birth story, finally. :)

Birth story... a year later

Sooooo... now that my baby is a year old, I thought maybe I could take a little time to write a birth story, finally. (For the first few months, I did try to make sure I wrote in my journal with some measure of consistency. Since then, many of the milestones have been marked through Facebook posts.)

I was blessed with a very uneventful pregnancy. Even though I chose to see a high-risk doctor, I was never considered high-risk. As the doctor said, "I expect this to be a very normal pregnancy, other than the fact that you will need to have a C-section." In subsequent appointments, he would tell us how "boring" the pregnancy was... which we all preferred. I never had morning sickness; the only time I really felt sick because of the pregnancy was before I knew I was pregnant and I went to church fasting. By the end, walking was more difficult, mostly because my belly was heavy and the pressure could quickly become too much, but I imagine that's not an uncommon symptom for many women. My favorite thing, by far, was just feeling him move, especially when I knew that it was in response to our voices. Even in the womb, he was very active for much of the day... including when I was walking. But he would hardly move at all at night, unless I got up--which was usually once each night.

We even made it to our scheduled date for the C-section, at 39 weeks and 3 days. I was grateful that the doctor wanted to make it that far, and I was grateful that both my body and the baby cooperated. Living at a high elevation means there can be a greater likelihood that even a full-term baby will need supplemental oxygen; that risk increases with a C-section. Josh and I were very much hoping and praying for George to have fully-developed lungs and not to need a NICU stay. (We discussed it beforehand, though. Josh told me if they had to rush George away immediately after he was born, he'd be torn about whether to follow or to stay with me. I told him he should follow and stay with the baby.)

I only ever had one real contraction, the evening before George was born. I guess maybe I was supposed to experience what a contraction felt like for me. But it was just the one, and nothing more. It was a blessing to be able to get a good sleep that night. Most of the people I know who had major struggles following a C-section also labored for many hours beforehand. When it's planned and scheduled, it's still major surgery... but not as bad.

The morning George was born, we took some time at home for last-minute preparations and to read scriptures together, since we didn't fully know what the day would bring--only that we would likely be exhausted by the time it was over. When we got to the hospital, we learned that the person who had been scheduled before me hadn't shown up. (I'd love an explanation of that. You schedule a C-section, and then you don't show? Really?) In any case, that meant that they could get me in more quickly than expected. In other words, there would be far less waiting around than we originally thought. Hooray!!! Waiting just produces more anxiety for everyone...

I had been in for blood work the previous morning to expedite things when we checked in for surgery. When I asked for a butterfly needle then, the nurse called a phlebotomist, as well. And they decided to have anesthesia, rather than the nurse, place the IV when we were prepping for surgery. Oh, the little things!!!! I must say: in dealing with everything else, it made a huge difference to have people who knew what they were doing, so I didn't end up with a very bruised arm.

We also had a consultation with anesthesia again before heading into the OR. The anesthesiologist there that day had a slightly different plan than the one we had consulted a few weeks previously. (For background, we had some concerns about getting a spinal tap or epidural, since I did know that my spinal column was too narrow for a Harrington rod when my spine was fused when I was 13. They weren't concerned about that, but the fusion was a concern; they wondered whether they would be able to get in.) The anesthesiologist that day mentioned that he had worked with a couple of other little people. He didn't like the previous idea of doing a combined spinal and epidural, because it would require going in with a needle more than once. He felt confident in a lower dose of the spinal and outlined the risks of it being either too much or too little--either way, it would involve me being put under for the delivery. Our hope was still that it would work as planned, that I could be awake, and that Josh could be in the OR. He would have to wait until they knew for sure, though.

Having them place the spinal tap was awkward, but they were able to get in. I stayed sitting for a few moments afterward, so it would drop into my legs initially. Then they had me lie down. They tested over and over again--I'm not really sure how long--to see whether I had gone numb. I know Josh was beginning to feel anxious... even without being with him, I knew he would hate the waiting game at that point. I was also beginning to feel anxious that I wouldn't go numb like I needed to, so I was glad when I finally did. They brought Josh in just after they began operating.

Even though the surgery was not scheduled until 11:30 am, George was born at 11:08 (though I didn't know the exact time until later, obviously). It was a beautiful sound to both of us (Josh and me) to hear his good, strong lungs as he entered the cold operating room. It was clear that our prayers had been answered, and he was prepared to breathe! Josh had stood up quickly when they told him to "get ready," and he quickly crossed the room as doctors and nurses did a quick exam and cleaned, diapered, and wrapped George. As soon as they let him, he took him; George's screams stopped almost instantly. (He still soothes very easily with hugs and gentle words.) I was left to wonder what exactly was happening, though; it took Josh a minute or two to realize that I probably wanted to see George, too. At that point, he came back up by my head with George, where I was able to touch him and talk to him as the doctors put me back together.

I know at one point, I shut my eyes briefly, and Josh asked whether I was okay. I just nodded. I didn't trust myself to talk at all right then. I was grateful to have him and George right there with me. Let's just say that no matter how well the spinal tap works, you still know they are working on you, and it's not terribly comfortable to feel organs being put back in place. I'm sure they weren't literally shoving things in, but it kind of felt like it. They also took a little longer than normal, because they were able to use stitches both inside and outside (no staples!!!!). I was very grateful for that later, since they didn't actually have to remove anything later.

When I was finally stitched up again, I was able to sit up a little and finally got to hold my sweet boy! I didn't want to let him go. I loved seeing Josh hold him. It also made me happy when we reached the recovery room and my mom and sister, Christine, got to meet and hold him, too. But it was so special to be able to hold my sweet son... the little one I had carried inside me for the previous 9 months!

All in all, I would say things went very smoothly with surgery and recovery, as well. I despise narcotics, but I handled the morphine that was part of the spinal, and they talked me into taking a single dose of narcotics post-surgery. After that, I said I really didn't want them; I stuck with mainly ibuprofen, though I alternated with acetaminophen for a few days. For me, the pain was well-managed just with those. I also experience very little nausea from the surgery and meds... really only once mid-surgery. By the time I was back in a room, I just wanted to eat. Of course, they only offered crackers at first, and I was little frustrated after they cleared me for real food and then the food services person came in and made me order all clear liquids for dinner. That got worked out quickly enough, though, and I was able to eat real  food.

As to the hospital stay as a whole... who actually sleeps in hospitals? Ugh! I was extremely grateful when they asked me a day earlier than expected if I wanted to go home. Ummmm... yes! Thankfully, George was also cleared to be released; he had lost more weight than they wanted him to, and we were definitely still working on getting comfortable with breastfeeding. But going home was by far the best thing for both of us. I had a lot of help from my mom in getting George to learn to nurse well, and both George and I were far more relaxed at home. And we were finally out of the clutches of the pediatrics team, who pushed so hard for us to supplement with formula, even making a note that my arms were "too short" for breastfeeding. (We did supplement a little with pumped breastmilk in the beginning, but George preferred nursing even then, for which I am very grateful.)

This past year has been a wonderful one with lots of learning for all of us. I may post more blogs later--assuming I find the time again. But I wanted to take a few minutes to get down the birth story finally. :)

RIP or Irish Jig?

Grandma Sommerfeld passed away early this morning. I'm taking some time to blog at work, it's true... but today is the day (once every two weeks) that I am allowed two hours for personal family history, so this is how I am using it.

I keep seeing "R.I.P." as siblings and cousins are posting about Grandma's passing. While her body is at rest, I don't believe that her spirit is resting. I think she has probably done a jig, like she said she would. And I'm certain she has been greeted by many family members who have gone before: her parents, her half siblings, two of her children (Ed and Kathy), a grandson (Robby), and others.

I feel truly blessed to have had Grandma in my life for so many years. I am so grateful for her strength, for her exemplary life, for her love of family and especially of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am especially grateful for time I have had with her in the past few years--most particularly the time I was able to spend interviewing her and learning more about her. I will treasure that time, and I will always be grateful for those recordings that will allow me to hear her voice again and again.

I am grateful for the woman who at 16 made the decision to join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and who left her home and country at 18 to make a new life for herself. She worked hard in those first months to repay her Uncle Billy, who had loaned her the money to come to America.

She continued to work hard throughout her life. She raised seven children. She helped Grandpa in running his business. She attended university as a non-traditional (older) student, graduating summa cum laude in Russian, with a minor in German. She then taught high school Russian for several years. With Grandpa, she served three missions. In between, and continuing after the third mission (into her 70s), she would still substitute in the schools.

I am grateful for her example of love and loyalty. Grandma and Grandpa just celebrated their 61st wedding anniversary this summer. They have loved and supported each other for many years. They have also always been loyal to the gospel. In addition to three missions, they both served many years in the temple.

We wanted to do something special for Grandma's 80th birthday, two years ago. She didn't want a big party or open house, like we had done for Grandpa. She kept telling us, "I just want to go to the zoo. I haven't been for years." That was a fun day, as the children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren who were able to go went to the zoo together to celebrate Grandma's birthday.

I'm also very grateful for the qualities I know I have inherited from Grandma. Even when I was very small, I heard often how much I was like her. I only hope that throughout my life, I can live with the same grace and poise that she always showed.

I'm grateful that she was able to be part of my wedding day. It meant so much to me to have her there in the temple. And it meant soooo much that she and Grandpa were willing to share their backyard for our reception. It was wonderful to see her happiness that day. I wish I had seen her dance with Josh; I had already gone inside to change. I know she was blessed with extra energy and strength that day, and I am so glad.

It makes me a little sad that my future children will not meet Grandma in mortality. But I hope that through my mom and through me, they will know her, too. I hope I can instill in them the values that were so important to Grandma--especially the love of the gospel of Jesus Christ and of family. I hope to share with them stories and memories that will help them know their great-grandma and want to live up to the heritage left them by her and by others who have gone before.

Dear Grandma, I am so glad to know that you are no longer suffering. Your spirit is free to dance a jig, while your body is at rest until resurrection day. I look forward to that great day, when we shall meet again, when "God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." (New Testament, Revelation 21:4) I love you, Grandma! Thank you, thank you for everything--for the person you have been and for all you have taught me.

Anxiously engaged ;)

I probably should clarify that I'm not really "anxious" -- just very excited. :) Since I know there are those who want the story, here goes.

Josh and I met probably 5 or so years ago (I've been close friends with his sister, Christel, for a while), but we didn't really have much contact after that first meeting. Neither one of us can remember exactly when that was. For the first couple of years, I saw him again at Christel's wedding and at a couple of other family gatherings after that.

People have asked whether we were set up. The answer is, no; he was interested on his own. A year ago last October, I got a text from Christel asking whether it was okay for her to give Josh my phone number. I said sure... but I didn't end up hearing from him. Around that time, though, we both started hanging out at Christel's a lot more often. Halloween of 2013, for example. That wasn't deliberately planned. Christel invited me to join them to take Hannah trick-or-treating, and Chris invited Josh. No coordination on their parts at all. But it put us in the same place at the same time--something that happened more and more over the next year or so.

Hannah's birthday is in January. So a year ago, when friends and family were gathered for her party, it came up that someone else had been to the zoo that day. I mentioned something about having a zoo pass, and Josh said he would like to go... and we made plans for the next morning. Technically that was our first official date, though it was a lonnnng time before the next one. (That is also still the only time that I've covered the entire zoo in a single day. There's something to be said for going without kids!)

Over the course of last year, we often ended up at Christel's. We discovered that "veggie parties" were a great way to introduce Hannah to some new (and healthful) foods, so we had dinner followed by a movie probably at least once a month throughout the year. Christel and I planned these for Hannah, but Josh was often invited as well. I think the only time he called me, though (other than if Christel asked him to give me a ride to her place) was to invite me to his birthday party.

In the November-December time frame, it seems the timing was finally right for both of us... the stars aligned, if you will. Josh did need a little nudge. I messaged Christel and told her I knew Josh was still interested and it was starting to drive me crazy. She suggested maybe we could double, but he had to call and ask me. That worked! That Friday night (December 5), we got dinner and went to a movie. Josh and I held hands in the movie for the first time. I think we would both agree that that date marks when we officially started dating.

Even though it was only a matter of weeks between then and Christmas, we both went to each others' extended family Christmas parties... and both of us survived meeting families. :) In fact, the first time he told me he loved me was after his family Christmas party.

I think I sensed pretty early on that Josh was definitely moving toward marriage, even if we didn't discuss it right away. The first that I was fairly certain, though, was a few weeks ago as he was driving me home. As we approached Temple Square, he started singing "I love to  see the temple." (Can I just say how much I love that he likes to sing and will just break out in song at times, especially the hymns and Primary songs! That wasn't the first time we'd sung something in the car.) By this time, we were also seeing each other 4-5 times each week, even if it wasn't always an official date.

It still was a little unexpected, though certainly not unwelcome, when Josh brought up marriage on Friday evening, February 6. Our conversation in the car was a little awkward, to be honest; I don't think either of us really had the words to express ourselves right then. He did say that he intended to propose officially on Valentine's Day. And we did then spend the rest of the evening looking at rings and picked out one we both liked.

What I did learn that night is that Josh wanted to give a Claddagh ring. It's probably not something I would have looked at otherwise, but I really loved that he had given it thought already, When we first started looking, I saw one with a green stone and liked that, so that was mostly what we looked at, But it took a while to find one where we both liked the style and where the hands were just right. The funny thing is, his grandparents were in the room the entire time and had no idea what we were doing,

Over that weekend, Josh also called and talked to both of my parents, This meant that my mom and I were both struggling with not being able to tell anyone else for a full week! That was tough, As my mom said, my Facebook statuses all week were definitely hints--if anyone had been looking. It was just so hard not to say anything!!! To compensate, I started looking at dresses instead. Turns out little girl dresses are the easiest, so I did pick out flower girl dresses for our nieces and sent the link to my mom. She went to get them right away and also found a suit for my nephew. I guess the kids are covered, anyway! There's still plenty of planning to do. But it occupied my mind at least briefly.

When Josh and I got together on Friday the 13th for dinner, I was happy to find out that he planned to come and get me early on Saturday. I think he had a hard time not telling one all week, as well.

So, Valentine's Day... Josh came at 9 am, along with his dog, Savannah. We went for a walk in Memory Grove, letting Savannah enjoy the off-leash area. For those familiar with the trail, there's a spot that looks like it is the foundation of a house--or maybe just of a wall surrounding a smaller building--with a couple of steps leading up to the enclosure. That's where Josh got down on his knees and asked, "Cathy, will you marry me?" And of course I said yes. He told me shortly thereafter that he had planned on proposing later, on top of the Conference Center, but that he couldn't wait any longer. I'm glad. I think he chose a good spot. :)

Once we'd grabbed Savannah again, we sat on a bench near the trail. Josh took a selfie of us--showing off the ring. We texted it to our parents and called his mom (and my mom called, as well). Then we also texted our siblings and a handful of other people--before I posted to Facebook.

The rest of Valentine's Day was also very nice--including a visit to the Great Salt Lake, a quick stop at the cemetery where Josh's dad is buried, dinner at Sweet Tomatoes (thanks, John and Megan, for the gift card--even if it took me six months to use it!), and watching The Princess Bride. It was a long but wonderful and very happy day.

I think that about covers it. And for those still wondering, we're planning on getting married in the middle of July--hopefully the 17th, possibly the 18th.

Oh, Christmas Choir Concert starts with "C"!

My mom wanted me to share a few thoughts on the Mormon Tabernacle Choir concert with Santino Fontana and the Sesame Street muppets, since I had the opportunity to go. I decided that would be easier to do in a blog post rather than an extra long status update, so here goes...

I think "magical" is probably the best word I have to describe the concert. I grew up with Sesame Street and loved it. I always loved Big Bird and Ernie, especially, but I was definitely a Sesame Street child. Being there for the concert made me feel like a little kid again: bright, shining eyes; huge smile; and very eager clapping. I don't think there was any point in the concert where I was not smiling. I just couldn't help it. But at the end, as I looked around at the other people attending the concert, I could see that it was the same for most of them. For the first time ever, children as young as 5 were allowed to attend (8 is usually the requirement), and as I looked around and saw so many happy faces following the concert, it almost seemed like all of us there were only 5 years old again. And the more I thought about, the more I realized how very appropriate that was for a Christmas concert. It really put the magic into this Christmas season and into our hearts. The love and joy we all felt as we left the concert is a major part of what Christmas is all about!

Santino Fontana made his entrance in a hot air balloon, singing "The Candy Man," and it just got better from there. Once the muppets joined the performance, it was a lot like watching an episode of Sesame Street. Each muppet wanted a part in the show and chose what to do. Rosita and Abby Cadabby wanted to be in the choir, and they even got choir dresses to match what the women were wearing. Ernie and Bert wanted to help backstage, although they also got their chance to announce numbers, and Ernie "dragged" Bert onstage for his turn to perform. (With Santino Fontana at the piano, the three of them and others sang "Sing [a Song].") Grover wanted to direct--the show, not the choir and orchestra--so he went to the control room. Elmo wanted to record on his video camera as he learned how Christmas was "more." This included a visit outside to see the lights on Temple Square. Cookie Monster wanted... well, what does Cookie Monster always want? He continued to ask for Christmas cookies throughout the performance, although he also learned about Christmas: when he finally got a plate of cookies, he said he could just eat one and then share the rest. Big Bird couldn't decide what he wanted to do at first, but then he thought it would be fun to direct the orchestra and choir. That was entertaining. :)

The Count only made an appearance to join in Richard Elliott's traditional organ solo--a duet, this time. I actually wasn't at all surprised by this. I expected him to come on with Richard Elliott. And, of course, "Twelve Days of Christmas" was the perfect choice, since it gives plenty of counting. "My true love must have a thing for birds... ahaha!!!" Really, think about how many gifts in the song consist of birds. I also got a kick out of "Five golden rings!!! And five happy couples!!! I love weddings!" as Richard Elliott worked in Wagner's wedding march. For the first time ever (and quite possibly the last time ever), "Twelve Days of Christmas did not drag; in fact, it was not anywhere near long enough.

I was happy (though not surprised) to hear "Keep Christmas With You" as part of the show, as well. It didn't seem like many audience members were familiar with the song, but it captures so many feelings:

Keep Christmas with you all through the year.
When Christmas is over, save some Christmas cheer.
These precious moments, hold them very dear,
And keep Christmas with you all through the year.

And since some songs had to be arranged for the choir to join in, it also only made sense that they might change the words a little. As Cookie Monster was still grumbling about how C is for cookie and he really wanted Christmas cookies, Santino Fontana reminded him that C is also for Christmas; and for concert, which he was a part of; and for the fabulous choir behind them. "Oh, Christmas Choir Concert starts with C!"

I can hardly wait for the DVD to come out next year. It is something I will probably watch again every Christmas season. I'd also like to share the magic with my niece and nephew next year (and by then, their new baby brother or sister) and perhaps someday with children of my own. Truly, the best part of the concert was feeling the joy of a child and being awakened to the beauty and magic of Christmas!

When the inevitable finally happens...

It's already late tonight, but I've been thinking about this since yesterday afternoon. It was going to come up eventually. I've found myself wondering in the last while, at what age do children start to notice differences? Some of them never really say anything--or maybe they ask their parents at home. Now I have the beginnings of an answer.

At lunch yesterday, my nephew said to me, "Tia Cathy? Mommy and Daddy are taller than you. And Tia Sammy is taller than you. And Jenny, and Melanie." I smiled and told him, "Yep, you're right."

My brother actually surprised me more by telling him, "Jacob, that's not nice." It's always a little awkward, and it surprised all of us, but I wouldn't tell him it's not nice. He's just curious; even though he was making a statement, I think he was really asking a question.

I didn't have an answer for him right then. I'm not sure I have an answer for him now. All I can really tell him is that Heavenly Father made us all differently. In my case, I was born with a form of dwarfism, so I am smaller. He's absolutely right. His mommy and daddy are taller than I am. So are his other tias and tios. It's perfectly valid for a 4-year-old to wonder and express his curiosity. (I'd be more concerned if he didn't...)

I love my little guy! I hope I can come up with a good answer for him, for the next time I see him. It's all part of him learning and developing. :)

Scriptures for our day

When the prophets have talked about how the Book of Mormon was written for our day, I have usually thought about that in general terms: it was written for the last days, because of its prophecies, because of the things the world will experience. Now and then I receive a forceful reminder that, while this is the case, it also has a much more immediate and personal meaning. When I am consistent in scripture study, I find that I am reading exactly what I need in that moment. I relate the following, not in boastfulness, but because I want to share my testimony of the power of prayer, of my knowledge that prayers are answered, and that the Book of Mormon is the word of God.

Yesterday as I was reading 2 Nephi 2, I found myself pondering how beautiful the Plan of Salvation is, but also how easy it can be to question these basic truths. It's not so much that I was questioning them; rather, I think I occasionally need a small glimpse into what another person may be thinking or feeling, so that I have a better understanding. Between yesterday's scripture study and reading President Packer's talk from general conference, where he talked about needing every member of the Church and needing to strengthen each other, I found myself praying that I would be strengthened to be able to be a light to others. I prayed for a reconfirmation that the Book of Mormon is true, that what I had just read about the plan of salvation is true. I prayed that my own testimony would be strengthened, so that maybe I could also help to strengthen others.

I didn't really receive an immediate answer. But I picked up the scriptures again as I was waiting in the temple this afternoon. I was overwhelmed with the power of the Spirit I felt as I read. 2 Nephi 9 talks more about Heavenly Father's plan and contrasts it with the adversary's plan. Everything felt so clear, and I could feel the love of my Savior as I read His words. As Nephi so often describes it, the Lord's plan truly is plain and simple, and that is what makes it so beautiful. It is the adversary who tries to get us to question, to doubt. But the Lord has prepared the way.

I felt my heart soar as I left the temple, walking out to see a huge, almost full moon rising. Something about the moon has always fascinated me. But I also couldn't help thinking of Alma's words to Korihor in Alma 30:44: "The scriptures are laid before thee, yea, and all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator" (emphasis added).

I bear testimony that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers. It's not always in the way we expect, but He will answer, because He loves each of us, as His children. I have full confidence that He knows me--and you--by name. I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior, and that He atoned for my sins, that He has already experienced everything I have and will experience. He knows and loves me, and He has prepared the way for me to return to Him--for all who will accept His gospel to return to Him. I know that the Book of Mormon is true, that it is the word of God. And I know that each person who seeks it can receive this same witness and testimony, through the power of the Holy Ghost. Will you accept the invitation? Pray to know. Heavenly Father will listen, and He will answer in His own time and in His own way. He truly is our loving Father. I am so grateful for this knowledge.

God Moves in a Mysterious Way

Have you ever had a day where everything seemed to come together just right at the end, and suddenly you can see why things happened just the way they did? Here's today's story...

It actually started last night when I came home and found a notice in my mailbox that I had missed delivery of certified mail. I was confused, mostly because it was dated 6/10 (and yesterday was definitely not 6/10). I also quickly became concerned, because the only possibility I could come up with in my mind was that the IRS was sending my something additional. I called the post office and asked them to hold the letter, so I could pick it up today.

Well, today I initially thought I'd go at lunch. However, it was cold and rainy... and, silly me, I didn't wear a jacket or take an umbrella to work with me. I mean, honestly, who wears a jacket in June unless they're spending time in the mountains in the evening. (It was 48° and raining, though.) I was going to brave it anyway, but the easiest path to the bus stop was blocked off when I stepped outside. I didn't want to be extra wet by walking farther, but I also didn't think I had time to walk a longer route to the bus stop and still manage to catch the bus. So I gave up and planned to do it after work.

I did ask my boss for permission to leave a little early. Then I went home first--to get a jacket and umbrella. I made it to the post office rather uneventfully and they were able to retrieve and hand over my letter with no difficulties. (It was indeed from the IRS. It says basically the same thing as their first notice, only now it includes no interest on what they say I owe. I've determined they may be one of the most disorganized entities ever... but that's a different story. I'm not too concerned anymore. Yes, I have to keep dealing with them, but at least it's not worse than before.)

In any case, when I left the post office, it wasn't really raining anymore. I also had 10-15 minutes before the next bus came, so I decided to walk a block or two to a different bus stop rather than just standing around. However, I hadn't done more than cross the street when a car pulled up next to me--my grandparents, uncle, and cousin. I certainly hadn't expected to see them there, but on the other had, they didn't exactly expect to see me walking there, either. They offered me a ride home, which I readily accepted.

Now, that might seem happy enough. But what I gathered between the post office and my apartment was that they were on the way to the temple for my cousin to receive his endowment. I said I wish I had known, since I could have planned to go. They pointed out that there was still time before the session, since he had to be there early for his first time. Perfect!!!! I had plenty of time to have a quick dinner and head back out to the temple.

This was serendipitous indeed. There are multiple reasons why I needed this today, and why I believe the Lord led me to be where I was at that moment:

1. The Salt Lake Temple will be closed after this week, until August 5. I needed to make it to an endowment session this week regardless (since I'm not certain how often I'll be able to make it to a temple in the six weeks following). Tonight was as good night as any to go.

2. I am sooooo glad I got to support my cousin. I hope it was a special evening for him. I certainly felt that it was special to be there and see him go for the first time.

3. I was especially glad to be able to offer some help and support to my grandma. I'm amazed she made it through the session, and I'm grateful to the worker(s), who were very helpful. (On a somewhat unrelated note, this was one instance where I really found myself wishing I didn't have a dwarfism. I would have been more helpful if I were taller and had longer arms. There is so much more I could do, from a service perspective. Oh, well. It is what it is, and I did what I could, and there were others there happy to offer assistance.) I really am glad that I was able to offer some moral support, at least. I know Grandma was grateful not to sit alone.

4. I needed a picture still for the 7 days of inspiration... and I snapped a couple on my way to the temple. Without a doubt, that is where I go to feel inspired.

Anyway, between one thing and another, this day has ended much better than it began. And if I hadn't needed to pick up a certified letter from the IRS at the post office (which I'm not certain the post office handled properly, either), the rest would not have happened...

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

Sisterhood and Unity

I want to preface this post with the fact that I know that there were other messages tonight, and that there may have been other things that stood out to other people. I just know that these are my thoughts right now, after participating in the Women's Meeting.

Luana's drawing (an example of what Primary children can offer)

If I took away anything from the Women's Meeting this evening, it was a message of a need for greater unity, love, and service. From Sister Wixom: "As individuals we are strong. Together, with God, we are unstoppable." From Sister Oscarson: "We must stop concentrating on our differences and look for what we have in common" and "I invite you to not only love each other more but love each other better." From Sister Burton: "Help Wanted: Women to lift one another with love." And from President Eyring: "You are more alike as daughters of God than you are different." This underlying theme struck home on multiple levels.

First, several of the talks mentioned preparing Young Women for the transition to Relief Society, helping them to understand the sisterhood that exists and to have a desire to join this wonderful worldwide sisterhood. This is necessary; it is also necessary for those who are already in Relief Society to open their arms and hearts to those who are joining or returning. We could all be better, more welcoming. I think I speak for many young single adults when I say that it can be very difficult for us to feel like we belong somewhere. But in Relief Society, of all places, we should feel that we belong. I can't limit it just to the young single adults, though. I know there are others who would love to find the friends and support they need. We all need to be more conscious of those who need a hand of friendship. I definitely include myself in that. If Relief Society is about sisterhood, then let's be sisters--daughters of God, and disciples of Jesus Christ. If this is our focus, Relief Society will become a truly welcoming place for all sisters. Also from Sister Burton's talk, "Our true identity is that of a disciple of Jesus Christ!" Let us seek to live up to that identity.

The other thought I had as I considered this was regarding factions that have arisen within the Church. It was mentioned that it is the adversary who wants to divide us and emphasize our differences. If we all believe in and are seeking to live the gospel of Jesus Christ, we have so much in common! I don't believe this means that I have to embrace the things that I still believe to be contrary to the teachings of the gospel. However, I could be better at showing love and compassion, at focusing on our similarities as daughters of God. We are Christ's when we stand together in unity as His disciples. It is the adversary who wants to see us divided against each other. So let's learn to stand together.

All of this brings me to what may have been my favorite moment of the entire meeting: Sister Wixom had the 8-11 year old girls sing the first verse of "Teach Me to Walk in the Light":

Teach me to walk in the light of his love;
Teach me to pray to my Father above;
Teach me to know of the things that are right;
Teach me, teach me to walk in the light.

Then, everyone 12 and up sang the second verse:

Come, little child, and together we'll learn
Of his commandments, that we may return
Home to his presence, to live in his sight--
Always, always to walk in the light.

I couldn't help smiling, and I couldn't help but feel that we were all unified in this desire of teaching and learning together. It is not just the Relief Society that is a worldwide sisterhood. We have a responsibility to the Young Women and the Primary as well, and all three organizations can serve each other. We are all sisters. I believe this is the message that our leaders wanted to convey. Even before the conference, when some people were questioning the wisdom of having a meeting for ages 8 and above, I was very excited! This would be the perfect opportunity for mothers and daughters, for women and girls of all ages, to come together in sisterhood, to learn the gospel together, and to continue discussing the gospel as they returned home. It would be added encouragement for all ages to learn and study together. This was reinforced so strongly for me this evening! There were beautiful messages, meant for all who were there. Reach out in sisterhood! Reach out to those younger than you, and to those older than you. We all need each other, and we all have something to offer. Let us be sure to remember that "[we] are more alike as daughters of God than [we] are different" and focus our energies so that we can say in all integrity, "Our true identity is that of a disciple of Jesus Christ!"

Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart...

This morning I was struck by some of Elder Holland's words, as I listened again to his talk from October 2012: The First Great Commandment. As we have often read, "Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets" (New Testament, Matthew 22:38).

Elder Holland's talk was focused on how we demonstrate our love for God, beautifully illustrated through a personal account of the apostles following Christ's resurrection. Many of us have read and reread the New Testament account, where the resurrected Lord visits His apostles on the shores of Galilee and questions Peter: "Lovest thou me?" But Elder Holland's interpretation of the Savior's message is striking: "Then Peter, why are you here? Why are we back on this same shore, by these same nets, having this same conversation? Wasn't it obvious then and isn't it obvious now that if I want fish, I can get fish? What I need, Peter, are disciples—and I need them forever. I need someone to feed my sheep and save my lambs. I need someone to preach my gospel and defend my faith. I need someone who loves me, truly, truly loves me, and loves what our Father in Heaven has commissioned me to do. Ours is not a feeble message. It is not a fleeting task. It is not hapless; it is not hopeless; it is not to be consigned to the ash heap of history. It is the work of Almighty God, and it is to change the world. So, Peter, for the second and presumably the last time, I am asking you to leave all this and to go teach and testify, labor and serve loyally until the day in which they will do to you exactly what they did to me." In other words, Christ may have been asking Peter why he had returned to his former life, after serving with Christ in His ministry and witnessing not only His death, but more importantly His resurrection.

The words hit home even more forcefully as Elder Holland applied this message to us today. First: "So we have neighbors to bless, children to protect, the poor to lift up, and the truth to defend. We have wrongs to make right, truths to share, and good to do. In short, we have a life of devoted discipleship to give in demonstrating our love of the Lord. We can’t quit and we can’t go back. After an encounter with the living Son of the living God, nothing is ever again to be as it was before. The Crucifixion, Atonement, and Resurrection of Jesus Christ mark the beginning of a Christian life, not the end of it." Read that again, especially the following: We can't quit and we can't go back. When we know, we have a responsibility to live and to share. When we have received a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, we must hold fast to it!

Next, he issues an invitation to all either to come or to come back, to learn and continue learning and striving to keep the commandments, to make and keep sacred covenants. The following, especially, stood out to me: "I include in that call to fixed faithfulness every returned missionary who ever stood in a baptismal font and with arm to the square said, 'Having been commissioned of Jesus Christ.' That commission was to have changed your convert forever, but it was surely supposed to have changed you forever as well."

My heart breaks as I think of people I love--family, friends--and of people I have never met who have let go, who have turned back. In my responsibility to feed the Lord's sheep, not to quit, not to look back, what can I do? How can I help? The Lord is ever ready to receive those who will turn unto Him. He always loves His children. If my heart breaks as I see those I love turn away, how His heart must break as He sees the same--as He sees those for whom He gave His life turn away from Him. He will always fulfill His covenants, but if we want to receive the blessings promised in those covenants, we must fulfill our part of those covenants. "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!" (New Testament, Matthew 23:37). And from the Book of Mormon, "And again, how oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, yea, O ye people of the house of Israel, who have fallen; yea, O ye people of the house of Israel, ye that dwell at Jerusalem, as ye that have fallen; yea, how oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens, and ye would not. O ye house of Israel whom I have spared, how oft will I gather you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, if ye will repent and return unto me with full purpose of heart" (3 Nephi 10:5-6). He is waiting. Will we heed Him? Will we heed His living prophets? Will we return unto Him and allow Him to bless us?

As I pondered on this talk today, I also thought of President Uchtdorf's talk from April 2008, Faith of Our Father. He quote the chorus of the hymn, "Faith of our fathers, holy faith, we will be true to thee till death!" (LDS Hymns, #84). He described the pioneer ancestry of many members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. However, he also mentioned that there are many who do not have pioneer heritage, whose ancestors were of other religions. (In spite of my own pioneer heritage in one line, a mere century ago the faith of my fathers could have included at least the following religions: Catholic, Lutheran, and Church of Ireland.) However, we are not dishonoring them by living the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. Rather, we honor them and generations before as we worship the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; the God of Enoch and Noah; the God of Adam and Eve. "The faith of our Father in Heaven has been consistent since the beginning of time, even from before the foundation of this world.... Therefore, do we not owe our allegiance to God, our Heavenly Father?"

President Uchtdorf bears strong and powerful testimony: "I testify that the doctrine of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ is the faith of our Heavenly Father. It is His truth, revealed to His servants the prophets from the days of Father Adam until our own time.... Our Heavenly Father loves His children. He hears the prayers of the humble and sincere of every nation, tongue, and people. He grants light to those who seek and honor Him and are willing to obey His commandments. We joyously proclaim that the faith of our Father is on the earth today." Then he also extends an invitation: "We invite everyone on this beautiful planet to taste of His doctrine and see if it is not sweet and good and precious. We ask those of sincere heart to learn of this doctrine and ask their Father in Heaven if it is not true. And by doing so, all can discover, embrace, and walk in the true faith of their Father, which faith will make them whole."

Accept this invitation. This is not a gospel of fear, but a gospel of love. The doctrine teaches us that we can repent and turn to our Heavenly Father and serve Him. By serving His children and sharing His gospel with them, we demonstrate our love for Him. Will we do so? Will we receive the love He is so eager to offer us? "I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me" (LDS Hymns, # 193). I can't possibly understand it. I can't possibly return it. But I can do my best to serve Him by loving serving His children.

These are some of my thoughts. But I also know that each person who studies and prays with faith is entitled to inspiration. I have included links to both conference talks that I have quoted here. Read them for yourself. Ponder on their meaning. Seek the Lord's guidance.

In so many ways, I still feel at a loss as to what I can do. The Lord has asked us all to participate in hastening the work of salvation. There are people I want very much to help, to remind them of the things they already know. But I don't know how. What I do know is that Heavenly Father loves them; they are among His children. Jesus Christ loves them; He suffered and died to atone for their sins and shortcomings, just as He did for me. Perhaps in some way I can help to remind them of that amazing love. I am still learning, too. As I said, I do not understand the love our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ feel for us, nor do I believe that I can understand it in mortality. Similarly, I do not fully understand how to feed Christ's lambs. I am continually reminded that living the commandments, keeping my covenants, living up to my privileges--all require humility and reliance on my Savior, Jesus Christ. I continue to seek His guidance, and I hope that one day I can answer, as Elder Holland describes in his talk: "the voice of Christ comes ringing down through the halls of time, asking each one of us while there is time, 'Do you love me?' And for every one of us, I answer with my honor and my soul, 'Yea, Lord, we do love thee.' And having set our 'hand to the plough,' we will never look back until this work is finished and love of God and neighbor rules the world."

Train Up a Child in the Way he Should Go...

I have sometimes heard it suggested that parents should not "force" their beliefs on their children, but rather let the children decide for themselves what they will do and believe. This may come most often from those who are not parents, but some who are parents take this route and interpret it to mean that they should not teach their children their religion. The first time I remember hearing this concept in a direct way (rather than just observing it), I was shocked. (I won't say which religion was mentioned specifically then, because I don't want to point fingers, because they represented what I'm certain is a minority, and because I believe this attitude extends across religions.) Judeo-Christian beliefs should hold to the proverb "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Old Testament, Proverbs 22:6). However, this group of which the article spoke seemed to believe children would turn out "just fine" without this training.

The biggest problem I see with this attitude relates to moral agency. Some might suggest that children are given greater agency when left to decide for themselves. It's not true! "Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself. Wherefore, man could not act for himself save it should be that he was enticed by the one or the other" (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:16). We must be enticed by the one or the other. In order for this to be the case, we must have some understanding of both things--both good and evil. That is, we must know the difference between good and evil. If we don't know, are we really choosing? Do we even have the ability to choose?

Throughout the last several days, another scripture has kept coming to mind: "And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents" (Doctrine & Covenants 68:25). That is powerful! Not only are parents who do not teach their children the gospel limiting their children's agency, they are jeopardizing their own salvation. That is quite the paradox, as well--in an effort to allow their children to choose, they actually limit their children's agency as well as their own (since any person's agency is limited by the sins of which they have not repented).

I am grateful to my parents for teaching me the gospel of Jesus Christ and giving me the freedom to make decisions. As my knowledge and understanding increased, and as I demonstrated to them that they could trust me in that knowledge and understanding, there were decisions that I was allowed to make on my own--some small, some larger. I think they always expressed in some way what they thought or felt, but the decision was mine to make.

Even when it came to baptism, I was not forced to be baptized! However, I was taught "to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old," and as my eighth birthday approached, I was excited to be baptized. Perhaps I didn't fully understand at that time. In fact, I'm certain I didn't. But I had been taught to love the gospel, and I knew that my Heavenly Father loved me and that it was what He wanted me to do.

I was allowed to make my own decisions in such cases as a fifth grade field trip that my mom wasn't overly excited about, skipping a grade in school, and many other (often smaller) things. I was always encouraged to pray, but unless they knew something would be harmful to me, many decisions were mine to make, even if I was still very young.

Another argument would be for individuality. Some might say that teaching your children your beliefs, "forcing" them to believe, does not allow them to develop as their own individuals. Again, they have it backwards! Children will follow something--they have a natural inclination and even a need to follow something. If they do not learn that something at home, where will they learn it? Whom or what will they follow? We establish individual identity not by breaking away from the traditions of our parents, but by holding fast to our Heavenly Father's plan and understanding that we are His children. Above all, I am a child of God, and nothing is more important in defining my identity or individuality. It is because I was raised in the gospel of Jesus Christ that I know who I am and what I can become.

Because I was taught the gospel, I feel that I have far greater freedom and independence than I would otherwise have. I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father, and as such, I have a divine potential. Without that knowledge, my choices would be severely limited. But I do know. And because I know, and because I continue to study and learn and rely on the Spirit, my choices expand as my ability to discern between good and evil increases.

Those who have the restored gospel of Jesus Christ would do well to remember Lehi's words to his son Jacob: "Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth, that they may know that there is no flesh that can dwell in the presence of God, save it be through the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah, who layeth down his life according to the flesh, and taketh it again by the power of the Spirit, that he may bring to pass the resurrection of the dead, being the first that should rise" (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:8). We have a responsibility to teach the gospel, especially to our own families, not because we want to take away their agency, but because a person cannot choose without knowing all of the options.

We do not limit our children by teaching them to believe in Christ and in His gospel. Rather, we expand their horizons and open so many more opportunities to them, both now and in the eternities. Neglecting to teach them limits them. Teaching them opens the world to them and opens their minds and hearts to receive truth wherever it is to be found. Which do you want for your children?

Decisions, Decisions

To add to necessary decision-making, I have been debating whether or not to post these thoughts. I believe I will now, not because I want to complain or ask for sympathy (I don't!), but because I know there are others whose feelings are much the same as mine, though our individual stories differ. I've read some similar thoughts recently, and I've talked with friends and acquaintances whose feelings and desires are much the same.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about various things—specifically how my life has not necessarily gone how I had planned or hoped or dreamed. Now, I’m not saying that I’m unhappy with where I am or with the things I have been able to do. Honestly, my life is pretty good. And I know I’ve been able to offer help to family and friends, to join activities on the spur of the moment, to do many things that I might not be able to do if I had my dream and were a wife and a mother. However, as the days go by, I find that my greatest desire becomes more and more unreachable... and yet the desire has not decreased, and I also still feel that I would readily give up everything for it. Sometimes I feel a lot like Rapunzel in Tangled: “When will my life begin?” To paraphrase the title of a blog I saw early this week, I am happy with my life... but I also can't help feeling that there is something missing.

I think part of the reason I’ve been thinking so much is because I struggle with making major life decisions. Does anyone find it easy, though? And there are so many decisions I never planned on making alone…

I do realize that marriage is a major life decision, which impacts both the present and eternity. The difference is that I have always planned on making that decision. But as time goes on, I wonder whether I will have an opportunity to make that decision.

All through Young Women, we were taught the importance of marriage and motherhood. Education was also emphasized, and for me that was also a given. So until just before I turned 21, my life was pretty well planned out. Were there still decisions to make? Certainly, but they all fell within a track that I had always planned to follow. I left home to study, I enjoyed my time at school, and I completed my bachelor’s degree.

At that point, I still wasn’t entirely at a loss for what to do next. I had always considered serving a mission as a possibility at least, and sometime during my studies I began to feel strongly that it was what I should do. But this also brought its challenges. I was prepared to go and had my papers completed in early May 2004—three months before my 21st birthday. Because of circumstances outside of my control, I was not able to begin serving until July 2005. During that time of waiting, I often found myself wondering what my next step should be. What if it didn’t work out, despite the strong impressions I continued to have that serving a mission was the right choice for me? What was I going to do?

When I was finally called, it was as a service missionary in Family and Church History. Because of this (the timing and the fact that it was a service mission), my original plan was to serve for a year. This made sense, since I had graduated with a teaching certificate and would need time to find a job. But as the end of that year approached, I found myself once again faced with a decision, and nothing felt quite right. I looked at the options for teaching and sent out my teaching portfolio to a couple of school districts, including one where I knew there was a German teacher leaving her position. I never heard from any of them. I toyed with the idea of going back to BYU to get a master’s degree there. But I wasn’t sure of that, either. In the meantime, I received an unquestionable answer through the Holy Ghost that I was to extend my mission for another 6 months. I did that eagerly, knowing that there was a good chance I would never teach after that, and not knowing for sure what would come next.

Somewhere during that time, I also realized how much I enjoyed the work I was doing. I began to hope that there might be a small possibility of being hired on after my mission and continuing the work I was already doing. In this, too, I did not know anything immediately, although ultimately I was not disappointed. After extending my mission, I finished just before Christmas 2006. I spent the holiday with my family, and it was not until a day or two before coming back to Salt Lake that I received a call letting me know I would have a temporary (six month) position. Until then, I had once again been wondering where I would go and what I would do next.

Since I only had a temporary position, I tried to put out some feelers during those six months, watching for other job openings in the Family History Department (things I might actually qualify for…), as well as applying for a couple of openings at the public library. Again, nothing: not even a courtesy email or phone call to let me know I had not been chosen. I was searching myself, wondering again where I might be able to go next, hoping it would be somewhere I would enjoy. Thankfully, I was eventually hired on permanently, but I was again left hanging; HR actually extended my temp position by a couple of weeks, and at the end of that time, I finally received a full-time offer.

This sounds like a lot of blessings, and I will definitely admit that such is the case. But part of the reason this was difficult for me is because I had never really planned on looking for a career. My youngest sister asked me a few years ago, “When you were my age, did you know what you wanted to be when you grew up?” I told her no, but that wasn’t entirely true; my mom overheard and answered, “Yes. A mother.” And it’s true.

So here I am, and I’m facing another decision. One I never imagined having to make. I turn 31 next summer, which means the end of being a “young single adult” in the Church. So what’s next? I’m not eager to go to a mid-single’s ward. They’re too big, and I don’t want to feel like I’m required to have a car just to go to a ward, anyway. What then? I would love to be in a ward where I could serve in Primary or Young Women’s. But for where I live now, that would require special permission, since the family wards in the local stake are typically only for those who have families. I’ve seriously considered moving. But it scares me. Besides, right now I live in a perfect location for work, for many activities of various kinds, for attending the temple, for visiting the Family History Library, and so forth. If I move, I’ll have to commute to work. I’ll have to have much more careful planning for attending the temple and for any evening activities. I may have to get a car.

And so I feel a little lost. On the one hand, it would be really nice to buy a house, to have a place that is truly my own. On the other hand… well, let’s just say that it is not a decision I ever planned to make alone. And when it comes right down to it, there are so many things I wouldn’t be able to take care of on my own: from things as simple as changing a light bulb, on to bigger things like caring for a yard and shoveling snow.

So what do I do? Where do I go from here? As I’ve already said, I would willingly give up what I have now to marry and have a family. That has always been my dream. But it may never happen; I’m gradually becoming resigned to that, though I hate the idea of going through the rest of life alone.

Perhaps I feel a bit like Zacharias and Elisabeth, who say in the production Savior of the World that they have not given up hope, but that they have given up their demands. I can't demand that the Lord give me my desires--not even when they are righteous desires. But I can continue to hope and pray and trust in Him, that (to quote Zacharias and Elisabeth in Savior of the World again), "He will fulfill His promises... in His own due time."

Until then, I guess I have some decisions to make. Alone. Not without prayer. Not without seeking advice where I feel I need it. But still alone.

My own Advent Calendar?

Last year I looked for "Christmas good" during the month of December. This year, instead, I will make it an extension of the gratitude posts from November. However, as we approach our celebration of Christ's birth, instead of just expressing gratitude for anything and everything, I will specifically be looking for those blessings, each day, that come because of Jesus Christ.

1 December 2013. I am blessed to have been able to partake of the sacrament today (and each Sunday). Because of Jesus Christ's atonement and because of the covenants I have made with Him, I can repent, renew my covenants, and draw nearer to Him. "And he took bread, and gave thanks, and brake it, and gave unto them, saying, This is my body which is given for you: this do in remembrance of me. Likewise also the cup after supper, saying, This cup is the new testament in my blood, which is shed for you" (New Testament, Luke 22:19-20).

2 December 2013. I am blessed to feel joy in the love of the Lord each day, to know that He desires my well-being and wants me to progress and draw nearer to Him. "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved" (New Testament, John 3:16-17). "And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?" (Book of Mormon, Alma 5:26).

3 December 2013. I am blessed to be able to study the words of the Savior, Jesus Christ, in the scriptures each day--specifically right now in the New Testament--and to learn more of Him and of His divine attributes and of the path to eternal life. "Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away? Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life" (New Testament, John 6:67-68). "For my soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them, and writeth them for the learning and the profit of my children" (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 4:15).

4 December 2013. I am blessed to have the Gift of the Holy Ghost, to be allowed to have the Spirit of the Lord as a constant companion if I strive to follow Him. "But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid" (New Testament, John 14:26-27). "And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things" (Book of Mormon, Moroni 10:5).

5 December 2013. I am blessed to have moral agency: the freedom to choose between right and wrong, to choose to follow Jesus Christ. This was Heavenly Father's plan, in which Christ volunteered to be our Savior. This is the plan I chose, and I am still blessed with this moral agency. "And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given. Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself" (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:26-27).

6 December 2013. I am blessed to have the words of living prophets, from which I can study and learn. Prophets teach of Jesus Christ, testify of Him, and prepare us for His coming--the same now as in ancient days. "Surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets" (Old Testament, Amos 3:7). "Search these commandments, for they are true and faithful, and the prophecies and promises which are in them shall all be fulfilled. What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same" (Doctrine & Covenants 1:37-38).

7 December 2013. I am blessed to live in a beautiful world, where I can experience sunrises and sunsets, seasons, and so much variety that contributes to the beauty. I know all light and beauty originates in Jesus Christ. "In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth" (Old Testament, Genesis 1:1). "All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made" (New Testament, John 1: 3). "That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God" (Doctrine & Covenants 76:24).

8 December 2013. I am blessed to have music in my life--right now Christmas music, especially. This isn't as a big a stretch as it might seem. After all, Jesus Christ created this earth, including birds that sing. And he created us, humans, with voices, with the ability to create and play instruments. And in many, many instances, music is intended to praise the Lord. I know of no better way to praise the Lord than in song, which also lifts me and helps me feel nearer to Him. "Praise ye the Lord. Praise God in his sanctuary: praise him in the firmament of his power. Praise him for his mighty acts: praise him according to his excellent greatness. Praise him with the sound of the trumpet: praise him with the psaltery and harp. Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs. Praise him upon the loud cymbals: praise him upon the high sounding cymbals. Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord. Praise ye the Lord" (Psalm 150).

9 December 2013. I am blessed simply to be alive and to experience so many different things each day, to have the opportunity to learn and grow and progress and eventually to return to Heavenly Father. He placed me here on earth so that I can someday return to Him and become like Him. "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them" (Old Testament, Genesis 1:26-27). "For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Pearl of Great Price, Moses 1:39).

10 December 2013. I am blessed to be able to see, and especially to experience light. Sometimes I forget how important light is to my happiness until the dreary winter sets in again. Jesus Christ is the light of the world, through Whom all things are illuminated. It is significant that we celebrate the birth of the Light of the World during the darkest part of the year (at least in the Northern hemisphere). "Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life" (New Testament, John 8:12). "He is the light and the life of the world; yea, a light that is endless, that can never be darkened; yea, and also a life which is endless, that there can be no more death" (Book of Mormon, Mosiah 16:9). "Hearken and listen to the voice of him who is from all eternity to all eternity, the Great I Am, even Jesus Christ— The light and the life of the world; a light which shineth in darkness and the darkness comprehendeth it not" (Doctrine & Covenants 39:1-2).

11 December 2013. I am blessed to see, receive, and give service. As with many things, Jesus Christ was the perfect example of service. Here are just a couple of illustrations of His service: "And great multitudes came unto him, having with them those that were lame, blind, dumb, maimed, and many others, and cast them down at Jesus’ feet; and he healed them: somuch that the multitude wondered, when they saw the dumb to speak, the maimed to be whole, the lame to walk, and the blind to see: and they glorified the God of Israel" (New Testament, Matthew 15:30-31). "And he commanded the multitude to sit down on the grass, and took the five loaves, and the two fishes, and looking up to heaven, he blessed, and brake, and gave the loaves to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude. And they did all eat, and were filled: and they took up of the fragments that remained twelve baskets full" (New Testament, Matthew 14:19-20).

12 December 2013. I am blessed to experience joy--other emotions as well, but especially joy! "And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men" (New Testament, Luke 2:8-14). "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy" (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:25).

13 December 2013. I am blessed to be able to breathe. I know this goes along with being alive, but sometimes I take it for granted. Then we experience an inversion, including terrible air quality, and I am reminded again of what a blessing it is that I can breathe. "And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul" (Old Testament, Genesis 2:7). "I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants" (Book of Mormon, Mosiah 2:21).

14 December 2013. I am blessed to find peace--an inner peace that comes from placing faith in Jesus Christ, even when all around us is uncertain. "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men" (New Testament, Luke 2:14). "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid" (New Testament, John 14:27). "Peace, peace be unto you, because of your faith in my Well Beloved, who was from the foundation of the world" (Book of Mormon, Helaman 5:47).

15 December 2013. I am blessed to be part of a ward (congregation) where we, as friends, can study and learn the gospel of Jesus Christ together and support one another in our mutual goal to return to our Father in Heaven. "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them" (New Testament, Matthew 18:20). "Behold, it is my will, that all they who call on my name, and worship me according to mine everlasting gospel, should gather together, and stand in holy places" (Doctrine & Covenants 101:22).

16 December 2013. I am blessed to be able to pray--to know that my petitions, in the name of Jesus Christ, will be heard and answered. In this same vein, I am blessed to know that while the answers may not always be what I want, I will receive answers. "After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen" (New Testament, Matthew 6:9-13). "Whatsoever thing ye shall ask in faith, believing that ye shall receive in the name of Christ, ye shall receive it" (Book of Mormon, Enos 1:15).

17 December 2013. I am blessed to be a small part of the work of salvation, including that of redeeming the dead--extending the blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ to all people. "For for this cause was the gospel preached also to them that are dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit" (New Testament, 1 Peter 4:6). "Brethren, shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory! Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad. Let the earth break forth into singing. Let the dead speak forth anthems of eternal praise to the King Immanuel, who hath ordained, before the world was, that which would enable us to redeem them out of their prison; for the prisoners shall go free" (Doctrine & Covenants 128:22).

18 December 2013. I am blessed to be part of a community where people of various faiths join together in worship, each acknowledging Christ as the Savior and celebrating His birth. May we remember the things we have in common instead of focusing on our differences! "...They shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd" (New Testament, John 10:16). "And it came to pass in the thirty and sixth year, the people were all converted unto the Lord, upon all the face of the land, both Nephites and Lamanites, and there were no contentions and disputations among them, and every man did deal justly one with another. And they had all things common among them; therefore there were not rich and poor, bond and free, but they were all made free, and partakers of the heavenly gift" (Book of Mormon, 4 Nephi 1:2-3).

19 December 2013. I am blessed to have received ordinances of the gospel for myself and to be able to participate in these same ordinances again on behalf of others--helping them to progress, and being able to learn more myself. "Else what shall they do which are baptized for the dead, if the dead rise not at all? why are they then baptized for the dead?" (New Testament, 1 Corinthians 15:29). "Again I say, hearken ye elders of my church, whom I have appointed: Ye are not sent forth to be taught, but to teach the children of men the things which I have put into your hands by the power of my Spirit; And ye are to be taught from on high. Sanctify yourselves and ye shall be endowed with power, that ye may give even as I have spoken" (Doctrine & Covenants 43:15-16).

20 December 2013. I am blessed to have the commandments of the Lord by which to live my life--an unchanging standard by which to measure my commitment to my Savior and to His gospel. I am not perfect, but I have clear standards that allow me to see my progress and improve each day. "I am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me" (Old Testament, Exodus 20:2-3). "If ye love me, keep my commandments" (New Testament, John 14:15). "Seek to bring forth and establish my Zion. Keep my commandments in all things. And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God" (Doctrine & Covenants 14:6-7).

21 December 2013. I am blessed to have truth, and to have the means to study and learn and come to know the truth. "Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free" (New Testament, John 8:31-32). "Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me" (New Testament, John 14:6). "Now these sons of Mosiah were with Alma at the time the angel first appeared unto him; therefore Alma did rejoice exceedingly to see his brethren; and what added more to his joy, they were still his brethren in the Lord; yea, and they had waxed strong in the knowledge of the truth; for they were men of a sound understanding and they had searched the scriptures diligently, that they might know the word of God" (Book of Mormon, Alma 17:2).

22 December 2013. I am blessed with talents and the opportunity to share and develop them, often as a means of glorifying God, along with the ability to appreciate and enjoy others' talents. I know the talents in the parable in Matthew 25 were a form of money, but the concept applies to talents we develop in life, as well: "For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath" (New Testament, Matthew 25:29). "And all this for the benefit of the church of the living God, that every man may improve upon his talent, that every man may gain other talents, yea, even an hundred fold, to be cast into the Lord’s storehouse, to become the common property of the whole church-- Every man seeking the interest of his neighbor, and doing all things with an eye single to the glory of God" (Doctrine & Covenants 82:18-19).

23 December 2013. I am blessed to have the restored gospel in my life--restored through Joseph Smith under the direction of Jesus Christ. "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed" (New Testament, James 1:5-6). "I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me. It no sooner appeared than I found myself delivered from the enemy which held me bound. When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!" (Pearl of Great Price, Joseph Smith--History 1:16-17).

24 December 2013. I am blessed to be able to celebrate each Christmas Eve spending time with family, including listening to the story of the first Christmas as found in Luke--perhaps most especially the message of the angels to the shepherds, which clearly describes the mission of Jesus Christ. "And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men" (Luke 2:10-14). "Lift up your head and be of good cheer; for behold, the time is at hand, and on this night shall the sign be given, and on the morrow come I into the world, to show unto the world that I will fulfil all that which I have caused to be spoken by the mouth of my holy prophets. Behold, I come unto my own, to fulfil all things which I have made known unto the children of men from the foundation of the world, and to do the will, both of the Father and of the Son—of the Father because of me, and of the Son because of my flesh. And behold, the time is at hand, and this night shall the sign be given" (Book of Mormon, 3 Nephi 1:13-14).

25 December 2013. I am blessed to know of the eternal nature of families--that through the atonement of Jesus Christ and through covenants, I can be with my family not just for time, but for all eternity. "And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing: And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed" (Old  Testament, Genesis 12:2-3). "The Prophet Elijah was to plant in the hearts of the children the promises made to their fathers, Foreshadowing the great work to be done in the temples of the Lord in the dispensation of the fulness of times, for the redemption of the dead, and the sealing of the children to their parents, lest the whole earth be smitten with a curse and utterly wasted at his coming" (Doctrine & Covenants 138:47-48).

26 December 2013. I am blessed to be a small part of the Lord's work, which continues to roll forth throughout the earth. "And in the days of these kings shall the God of heaven set up a kingdom, which shall never be destroyed: and the kingdom shall not be left to other people, but it shall break in pieces and consume all these kingdoms, and it shall stand for ever. Forasmuch as thou sawest that the stone was cut out of the mountain without hands, and that it brake in pieces the iron, the brass, the clay, the silver, and the gold; the great God hath made known to the king what shall come to pass hereafter: and the dream is certain, and the interpretation thereof sure" (Old Testament, Daniel 2:44-45). "And now I say unto you, Refrain from these men, and let them alone: for if this counsel or this work be of men, it will come to nought: But if it be of God, ye cannot overthrow it; lest haply ye be found even to fight against God" (New Testament, Acts 5:38-39). "Now behold, a marvelous work is about to come forth among the children of men. Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day. Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work; For behold the field is white already to harvest; and lo, he that thrusteth in his sickle with his might, the same layeth up in store that he perisheth not, but bringeth salvation to his soul; And faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God, qualify him for the work. Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, diligence. Ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Amen" (Doctrine & Covenants 4:1-7).

27 December 2013. I am blessed to have parents, grandparents, and others who have taught me the gospel and faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ. "...When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also" (New Testament, 2 Timothy 1:5). "I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father; and having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God, therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my days" (Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi 1:1).

28 December 2013. I am blessed to know of the beauty of forgiveness (both giving and receiving), and of the peace that it brings, through the atonement of Jesus Christ. "And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy; Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee. And, behold, certain of the scribes said within themselves, This man blasphemeth. And Jesus knowing their thoughts said, Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts? For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk? But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins, (then saith he to the sick of the palsy,) Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house. And he arose, and departed to his house" (New Testament, Matthew 9:2-7). "Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men. And ye ought to say in your hearts—let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds" (Doctrine & Covenants 64:9-11).

29 December 2013. I am blessed to see Christlike love manifest through His servants--through leaders here on earth, who show genuine interest and concern for their flock (His flock). "So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs. He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep. He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep" (New Testament, John 21:25-17). "Wherefore it came to pass that my father, Lehi, as he went forth prayed unto the Lord, yea, even with all his heart, in behalf of his people" (Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi 1:5).

30 December 2013. I am blessed to enjoy the beauty and wonder of creation--today, specifically, animals both large and small. "And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven. And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good. And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth. And the evening and the morning were the fifth day. And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so. And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good" (Old Testament, Genesis 1:20-25).

31 December 2013. I am blessed to see new beginnings: right now, the end of one year and the beginning of a new one. But there are also many other ways of beginning anew, including daily repentance. "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven" (Ecclesiastes 3:1). "Yea, repent and be baptized, every one of you, for a remission of your sins; yea, be baptized even by water, and then cometh the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost" (D&C 33:11).